Citizen Erased
by Coquettishness
Summary: NOW COMPLETE. Disoriented after her transformation into a vampire, Bella struggles with amnesia. As she learns to control her new powers and abilities, she must also come to terms with what she is ... and with the vampire she doesn’t remember marrying.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary**: Disoriented after her transformation into a vampire, Bella struggles with amnesia. As she learns to control her new powers and abilities, she must also come to terms with what she is ... and with the vampire she doesn't remember marrying. Bella/Edward.

**Rating**: R for future chapters. Beginning chapters are PG.

**Author's Note**: This story stands completely on its own. However, it is technically a sequel to a previous story, _Spiral Static_. If you have not yet read it, you can read this story without a problem. If there is any backstory new readers need to know, I will be sure to explain it in full detail. Or you can read _Spiral Static_ first. Up to you. Hope you enjoy.

"_Wash me away. Clean your body of me.  
Erase all the memories. They'll only bring us pain."  
_Citizen Erased – MUSE

* * *

**Citizen Erased  
**Written by Coquette

I awoke ... flying.

Colors sped past my face – vivid, painful, straining to be heard more than seen, bleeding together in maddeningly streaks of green and gold.

My legs pumped, strong and tireless beneath me, my arms stretched out as if to shield myself from something I couldn't see. As my mind pulled itself out of the thick, hazy mire of nonexistence, it occurred to me that I wasn't flying at all.

I was running.

My vision cleared. Sharpened like my eyes had somehow crystallized into focus. Everywhere there were lines. Jagged edges. Details screaming at me with mind-numbing clarity. I could see the spider thin veins on the leaves of the tree far in front of me. I could hear the trees drinking water from the earth. My eyes caught sight of a bird in the sky. I watched as if in slow motion as it darted between branches, searching for shelter as if some sort of predator had frightened it. Its tiny heart fluttered faster than its wings.

I was in a forest, it seemed.

Beyond that, I knew nothing. Only that I needed to run. Far, far away from the torment of my existence. Burning, writhing, possessing. Wrapping me in its cocoon of venom and bile. I could feel every pore on my body. Every hair. Every cell. _Awake_. On fire. Turning to crystal. Freezing me in time.

I felt as though I had slowly been turned into stone.

My first thought was that of desire – desire for death. I wanted to die before I had even begun to live. I think perhaps I did die. Or maybe I was born. It was all very unclear to me in that moment.

Someone was chasing me.

I could hear them, all around me. Their footfalls in the forest were as silent as mine and _fast_. Yet still I heard them as if they were running right beside me. Without even knowing why, I quickly veered left to avoid my pursuers.

And stopped dead in my tracks.

There, in a clearing of trees, stood a _boy_.

But he was so much more than that.

I stared at him, utterly fixated. And he stared right back at me, but with a much different expression on his face.

His golden eyes seemed to shake. I could see them quivering in their sockets as he gaped at me, dumbstruck with horror. He was about seventeen or eighteen years old with untidy, bronze hair that seemed to stand on end. Hardly a boy, but not yet a man. Handsome. No, _beautiful_. His eyes burned into mine with niggling familiarity. His perfect skin, pale as death, sparkled in the sun like a multi-faceted diamond. I wondered for a moment if he was an angel. It wasn't that far of a stretch. I had just died after all. Or perhaps he was the one who brought me to earth as I was born.

The wind shifted, and his scent hit me like a slap to the face. It _sang_ to me, enthralling me, beckoning me closer. And yet I couldn't move. Fixed in place by that unbearable gaze.

I opened my mouth for the first time, and somehow I knew how to speak. "Who are you?" I asked. My voice sounded peculiar in my ears. Strangely musical, lilting like a windchime blowing in the breeze.

He flinched, somehow stung by the question, but said nothing in reply. Just stared at me in silent anguish with those piercing eyes. What had him in such a state of torment, I couldn't begin to guess. But it comforted me in a way to know someone was in as much pain as I was. But even that was starting to fade. Every moment, the pain grew less and less, only a vivid memory now, forever burned in my retinas.

I tensed, straining my sensitive ears against the sounds of the forest. There they were again. The rapid footfalls of my pursuers, closing in on us both now. I backed away from the boy, suddenly suspicious of that hauntingly angelic face. Eyes widening in panic, he took a step toward me. So very pale, like ash riddled with diamonds. His face was choked with emotion. I wondered if he was ill.

I had no reason to trust him. "Don't touch me," I warned, still backing away from him.

He persisted in his approach, hands raised, palms outward to show submission.

"Stay back..." I warned.

Before I could do anything else, someone – not the boy – slammed into me from behind, locking me in an iron grip. Thunder rolled overhead. But there were no storm clouds in the sky. It was as if the sound had come from our own bodies colliding.

"I've got her!" It was the voice of a young female – right behind my ear, painfully loud. "God, she's so strong! Edward, help me!"

But the boy, Edward he'd been called, just stood there. Three others ran into the clearing. Two males and another female. Each more perfect and graceful than the next. I froze when I looked at the girl – barely a woman, her blond hair whipping in the wind – she was the most breathtaking of all. Fiercely beautiful, like an angelic warrior.

"Emmett, Jasper!" cried the girl who held me tight from behind. "Help me hold her! Edward's gone catatonic again."

I was quickly surrounded on all sides by stone walls – hands, faces, and bodies – held firmly in place between them, though I struggled and protested. Together they managed to bring me under control.

"Shhh, Bella," soothed the girl who had slammed into me. I could see her face now. Shorn, black hair adorning a perfect, elven face. "It's okay. You know we would never hurt you. We're _family_. Try to remember. Emmett, be gentle with her. She's terrified."

"I'm trying, Alice. She's _strong_," growled Emmett, who held me the tightest.

"She's a newborn," said the other male. Alice had called him Jasper when he ran into the clearing. "What do you expect with all her human blood still in her veins?"

"We need to get her back to Carlisle. He'll know what to do with her."

They started to walk, all gathered together in a group with me in the middle, struggling. I craned my head back toward the clearing in the trees. The boy – _Edward_ – still stood there, frozen in place.

"Edward!" hissed Alice. "Snap out of it and move. We can't do this without you."

Edward seemed to sway on his feet, lips parted, eyes wide and unblinking. But he followed, stiffly yet somehow gracefully, always twenty or so paces behind the rest of us. His grim, yellow eyes never left my face. They frightened me just as much as they fascinated me.

"Do you think we could run with her? Someone might see us out in the sunshine," said Emmett. "The trees are sparse ahead. I think we can still manage to all keep a hold on her."

"No," said Alice firmly. "We'll just frighten her more. Let her adjust. Can't you see how disoriented she is? Don't you remember what it was like?"

Murmurs all around.

I stopped struggling eventually. It was useless. Besides, as I stared into their faces, familiarity nipped at me. They weren't unkind. Just ... insistent. _Family_, Alice had said. But wouldn't I remember if I had a family? No. I had only been born from pain. I tried to calm myself, but my body refused to let go of the tension. Perhaps I really had turned into stone.

"I can walk on my own," I said, sounding more confident than I really was. "Let go of me."

"Sorry, Bella," said Jasper. "Carlisle will kill us if we lose you again."

Again? I had no recollection of that.

Who were these statuesque people – beautiful and terrifying, their skin sparkling when we passed through patches of sunlight? Who was the boy that still trailed behind us? _Who was I? _Question after question burned in my throat like venom. I swallowed with difficulty, pushing them back. A house was in view up ahead, and the sight of it startled me. I shouldn't have been able to see it from that distance, though I couldn't exactly say why. It was as if I had a vague memory of it coming into view ... only much, much closer.

It took a while to get there with them all gathered together around me, each with their unrelenting grip on me. I was taken into the house, guided to a couch, and urged to sit down. They loomed over me, watchful and wary.

"I'll get Carlisle," said the other girl. The blond one. "Edward, stop standing there like a boulder and help with her. This is all your own doing, you know."

"Rosalie, hush," muttered Jasper, still holding me down with a hand on my shoulder. "Leave him be. You know how hard the last few days have been on him."

"I won't run," I told them. I was still afraid, suspicious, but curious enough to stand my ground. "You can let me go."

Something in my voice must have convinced them. Alice gave Emmett and Jasper a quick nod, and their hands released me. Alice's face was kind as she knelt before me. A little sad, perhaps worried. But she smiled as she touched my cheek. "Carlisle is coming now, Bella. He'll explain everything to you. You're just a little disoriented right now, is all."

There was that word again. _Bella_. They kept saying it when they addressed me. Was it my name?

Alice rose to her feet as a man and woman came down the stairs, Rosalie following gracefully at their heels – another pair of pale angels, beautiful like the others. A bit older, perhaps. The man, I assumed, was Carlisle. The unnamed woman stood to the side, smiling at me, though caution shone in her eyes amidst the compassion. "Jasper, if you would be so kind as to calm her," she said in her musical voice. "No need for her to sit there in a panic."

And then, inexplicably, my body went lax. They all stared at me knowingly. I couldn't explain what had happened.

"Hello, Bella," said Carlisle, kneeling on the ground before me. "You gave us all a scare there, didn't you? Lucky Edward and the others are such fast runners, or you might have slipped away. Forgive us for losing you. We didn't expect you to break through the walls, you see."

I blinked at him. "Break through ... what now?"

"Don't remember that part, do you? It's all right, Bella. We have very good contractors. They'll patch up the hole in no time. Sinkholes in the ground happen all the time in such a damp, wet climate. A good an explanation as any. We'll still have to dig the sinkhole, though, to make the story convincing."

"Weren't _you_ there with her when it happened, Edward?" asked Emmett, a little heat in his tone. "You haven't left her side in days. You couldn't have stopped her? Held her down before she bolted?"

Edward turned his eyes away from my face for the first time ... and he aimed a cold, silent glare at Emmett.

"I seem to recall _you_ having a bit of trouble holding her in the forest, Emmett," said Alice coolly. She went over to stand beside Edward, slipping a slender arm around his waist, looking up into his pale, drawn face anxiously.

Jealousy flared in my vision, crackling on the edges, red hot. "Hey. You," I said to her. "Get your hands off of him."

Everyone looked at me in surprise. Alice sniggered. "Relax, Bella. I'm his sister. You really don't remember anything, do you?"

I relaxed, though only a fraction. "Oh," I said in a calmer tone. "No. I don't."

I still eyed the arm she had around Edward's waist. His scent coursed through my lungs, filing up my body. I wanted to be the one pressed tight against him. I wanted to bury my face in his neck and _inhale_, not stopping until my lungs burst. But he was looking at me as though the very sight of me grieved him. Or angered him, even. I wilted under the weight of that cheerless gaze.

"See that, Edward?" said Jasper, grinning. "She has the hots for you already."

"I don't know any of you. How is it you seem so familiar with me?" I whispered, looking at each of them individually. I stopped when I got to Edward. Again and again, he drew back my attention, though I might try to turn it elsewhere. I tilted my head to the side curiously as I peered at him. I memorized his face in that moment, tracing each curve and dip with my eyes.

"I know," said Carlisle, acknowledging my question. "We anticipated that might happen. Don't worry, Bella. Your memories will return in time. It's part of the process, you see. Just know you're among family now, and you're safe. I imagined you're, uh ... _hungry_. Though admittedly, you're much calmer about that than I expected you to be." He shook his head at me as if in wonder. Then he turned to address the woman who had come down the stairs with him. "Esme, would you mind bringing her something? In a glass as we discussed. No need to frighten her with a hunt before she's ready."

Esme nodded and offered me a sympathetic smile before she slipped from the room.

"Disgusting," muttered Emmett under his breath, making a face. "It's terrible cold."

"I doubt Bella will care at this point," said Carlisle. "It's strange, though. You don't seem hungry at all. Most newborns are mad with it. The control you must have over your own mind is amazing, Bella. Your powers are already making themselves known."

His words made no sense to me. Powers? The whole lot of them were insane.

Though admittedly, I _was_ hungry, just as he suspected. But there were more pressing matters at hand. Questions that needed answering. With iron resolve, I pushed the gnawing hunger to one side of my brain, shut the door, and locked it.

Everyone was staring at me, each with a different expression. Amazement, disbelief, wariness, amusement, affection ... and sorrow. Edward's face held the last one.

"Look at her hair," whispered Rosalie, speaking about me as if I wasn't there. "It's curled into ringlets. She never had those before. I ... I think they're going to stay that way."

I glanced down at my hair. Chestnut curls – slick and shiny like liquid glass – rested on my shoulders. I touched one of the locks. It was like iron-clad silk in my fingers. I think Rosalie was right. Judging from the feel of them, they were definitely a permanent feature. I focused my vision on the hand that held the curl up, and for the first time, I noticed my skin was as white and smooth as the skin of everyone around me. Nothing, not even my appearance, seemed familiar. I looked up at them helplessly, needing answers, needing comfort of some sort.

Alice was whispering back to Rosalie. My sharp ears easily picked it up. "Don't you remember the night that Edward turned her? How I was supposed to find a way to distract her from the fight? I took her upstairs and curled her hair with a curling iron to keep her busy with something. I didn't realize the curls would stay with her. I guess I was too busy watching other things to foresee it."

"Hush now, girls," Carlisle gently scolded. "Too many details for her right now. She's getting tense again."

But it wasn't the conversation around me that had made me tense. Esme had returned, holding a dark-colored glass in her flawless hand. I couldn't see what was inside of it.

But I could smell it.

Hunger seized me, liquefying my insides, setting my whole body on high alert. I wanted to leap from my sitting position, snatch away the glass, and drink deep. But that would hardly do. I was more well-mannered than that. Again, I pushed the hunger back, mastering it with little effort. Then I rose from the sofa, walked over to Esme, and calmly accepted the glass from her. "Thank you," I said, trying to be courteous.

She blinked at me, bemused.

I drank slowly, still resisting the crazed scream of hunger deep within, letting it slowly calm itself and realize I was attempting to satiate it. Emmett was right. Whatever was in the glass was disgusting. Thick and congealed on my tongue. Barely warm. The rusty, metallic taste was enough to make me want to spit it out. But it felt _amazing_. My insides sang to me in relief and gratitude, regardless of the taste.

I looked at the empty glass, feeling a bit sick from it. "May I have more?" I asked, pushing the unpleasant feelings away. "I'm still hungry."

Esme took the glass from me and glanced at Carlisle, asking a silent question.

"I don't see why not," he said to her.

"Oh, great," grumbled Emmett. "Yes, let's _keep_ _feeding_ the crazed newborn. Give her even more strength. Why not? We have plenty more walls for her to knock down."

"She doesn't look crazed to me," murmured Jasper. "I'm not calming her down either."

I wasn't listening to them. I suddenly felt strange. The room had grown brighter. Louder. My ears reverberated with sound. My senses seemed sharper now that I had eaten something ... whatever that repulsive something had been. I groaned, closing my lids tight over my aching eyes.

"It's all right, Bella," Carlisle said in his soothing tone. "Your eyes and ears will adjust to the change with time. It's all part of the process."

"What's wrong with me?" I whispered, eyes clamped shut, hands gripping my ears. It didn't help. Light and sound seeped in anyway, bright and deafening.

"Perhaps... perhaps Edward would be the best one to explain it to you," said Carlisle, searching my face. "Yes, I'm convinced of it, especially since you seem to have such a firm handle on yourself already. You hardly need me here to supervise. What an extraordinary gift, to guard and control your own mind in such a way. I think, Bella, that before your change, you would have wanted to hear about this new life directly from Edward. You have quite a history together, you know, and it was he that brought you into our little family to begin with. There are rules he needs to explain to you. Things he needs to teach you. And I'm sure you have many questions." He turned to address the others. "Everyone, let's leave them be. If I know Bella, she isn't enjoying being made a spectacle of."

Carlisle was right about that. Perhaps he knew me after all. Their stares were unnerving. I felt like running away again, though I didn't even remember the first time. Did Carlisle really mean to leave me alone with Edward? The one who looked at me with such dismay, like I'd taken the life of someone he loved? Why not Carlisle himself? Or Alice or Esme? They seemed kind enough.

All of them began filing out of the room, Esme with the glass she'd forgotten to refill for me in her hand. I had to push back another wave of hunger and seal it quietly away in my brain. They left me alone with that beautiful, hateful creature, the only one of them that seemed to loathe me for reasons I couldn't begin to guess. But hadn't Carlisle claimed Edward was the one who had brought me into their family? Was that even a good thing? I couldn't make sense of it.

I also couldn't stop staring at him. I was entirely fixated on his eyes as if he held some sort of hypnotic power over me. It wasn't love at first sight. It was obsession. "Who _are_ you?" I asked him, standing motionless as I gazed at him.

Edward flinched again at the question, as he had the first time I had asked it. He didn't answer. I was beginning to wonder if he was capable of speech at all. He didn't seem able to do anything but watch me with those hollow, soulful eyes.

He hovered there on the other side of the room like an apparition ... because nothing that hauntingly beautiful could possibly be real. Then after what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke.

His voice was quiet. Silken. Like velvet slipping all over my body. So much more gentle and pleasing than I could have ever anticipated. But more surprising than the timbre were the words themselves.

They drove through me like a knife to the stomach.

"I'm your husband, Bella."

* * *

To be continued.


	2. Chapter 2

Previously...

"_Who are you?" I asked him, standing motionless as I gazed at him._

_Edward flinched again at the question, as he had the first time I had asked it. He didn't answer. I was beginning to wonder if he was capable of speech at all. He didn't seem able to do anything but watch me with those hollow, soulful eyes._

_He hovered there on the other side of the room like an apparition ... because nothing that hauntingly beautiful could possibly be real. Then after what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke._

_His voice was quiet. Silken. Like velvet slipping all over my body. So much more gentle and pleasing than I could have ever anticipated. But more surprising than the timbre were the words themselves._

_They drove through me like a knife to the stomach._

"_I'm your husband, Bella."_

* * *

**Citizen Erased  
**Written by Coquette

Chapter Two

I stared at him blankly for one long moment, his quiet words running through my brain, trying to make sense of them. Then I laughed lightly. Incredulously. Little notes of music tinkling in the air.

"No, really," I said. "Who are you?"

The pained look on his face intensified, and it riddled me with guilt.

Oh. So he was being serious then?

I tilted my head at him, scanning his entire body with a measured expression. Of all the people in the world I could forget, wouldn't I remember my husband above all others? The boy was completely foreign to me. An enigma.

"My husband?"I asked in a dry tone. "Really?"

He only nodded vacantly, apparently rendered speechless again.

That frustrated me. I had barely gotten him talking. I leveled another question his way, desperate for some answers. "If that's true, then why are you looking at me like that? Like you can't stand the sight of me. Like you hate me or something. What did I do to you?"

He recoiled gracefully, his lovely face crumpling, overcome with emotion. But he didn't cry like I expected him to. Thank goodness. I didn't want to see that. I didn't want to see any of this. It made my heart hurt for reasons I didn't understand. Pity gnawed at me, like the hunger that still rumbled deep in my gut.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered, broken. "I could never hate you."

My gaze softened at his words, and the strange, inexplicable draw I felt toward him intensified. "Then tell me why you're sad when you look at me."

His ashen face seemed to pale impossibly. Another drawn out moment passed while he worked through something in his mind. It was apparent that he didn't know how to explain it to me. "Do you remember the pain?" he asked in his velvety voice, his eyes having trouble meeting my own.

My whole body suddenly tensed, instantly sober and stricken. Did I remember it? It was the _only_ thing I remembered. Every burning-yet-freezing, maddening second of it. The expression on my face answered his question.

"I remember it, too," he said, again in a whisper. His entire face was white. Haunted. "Just as if it were my own. It was like going through it all over again. Only worse this time. I thought I could handle it, Bella. Watching it happen. I thought I had prepared myself for it." He broke off, shaking his head, covering his eyes with trembling fingers.

I couldn't stop staring at him, transfixed, though he was now quite unwilling to look at me at all, as if the sight of me shamed him somehow. None of his words made sense. "One of the others mentioned that you've been by my side for days," I said, trying to put the pieces together. "Emmett. The large, opinionated one."

"I'm your husband, Bella," breathed Edward, head still in his hands. "Where else would I be?"

"I remember your scent," I told him. And it was the truth. I just hadn't realized it before that moment, though it had been niggling at the back of my mind since it had first washed over my senses.

He snapped his head up, scanning my face hopefully.

"I don't mean that I remember _you_," I clarified, seeing that he had misunderstood me. "Or you being my husband or whatever. I meant while I was in pain. I remember your scent ... there in the room with me. I think it was the only thing that kept me sane."

The look of hope didn't die in his eyes, but the grief came back, hovering on the edges of his countenance like a dark shadow. I think I really understood him, then. Edward held no hatred toward me. If anything, all of that appeared to be aimed at himself. No ... shining in his eyes, behind all the grief ... he looked at me like I was his soul. The burden of it frightened me. Thrilled me. That the beautiful creature before me held just as much fascination for me as I held for him. He was the flame, and I was the moth. Or was it perhaps the other way around? I couldn't tell.

I eyed him with caution, dazed by the intensity of him, not certain if I wanted to be possessed by something I had only laid eyes on less than an hour ago. "I don't know you," I told him in a flat tone.

His eye lashes fluttered shut, then opened calmly. Still a flinch ... but subdued somehow. He was coming to terms. "I know," he whispered.

"I don't trust you."

His jaw tensed. "You will."

Was that some kind of misplaced threat? My eyes narrowed. "You still haven't explained anything to me. And I'm still hungry, _Edward_." It was the first time I had said his name aloud. It tasted sweet on my tongue, heady and musky like his scent.

Edward raked his fingers through his untidy hair. "God, help me," he breathed.

"That bothers you? Is there something wrong with me being hungry?"

"No."

_Yes_, his tone screamed at me.

"I just..." He trailed off with a sigh, giving over to something that seemed to weigh heavily on his shoulders. "Follow me. I'm sure they brought extra from the butcher for you."

I didn't ask.

I followed Edward to a kitchen. It was brightly lit and flawless in its cleanliness, as though it had never been used. A new house, perhaps? I was too hungry to give it much thought. The refrigerator was empty except for a large, lidded Styrofoam cup. Edward poured the contents into a glass and looked elsewhere when he handed it to me. I tried to swallow the stuff down, but it was worse than the first time. Colder, thick and ghastly. "I think I'm going to be sick," I muttered under my breath, after I forced myself to finish it. "What is this anyway? It's terrible. But it helps. It calms me down."

Edward finally looked at me, and I noticed he wore a peculiar expression. It reminded me of the faces the others had had when I'd drank the first glass back in the living room. I had surprised him. Puzzled him. "It's what you need to survive now," he said in a level tone. Clinical. Scientific. Absolutely removed from the situation. "You'll get used to it. There are ... other ways of getting it. Better ways. I'll show you when you're ready."

Again, the lights started to burn my eyes as if reacting to whatever I had just swallowed. I set down the glass and put a hand over them, groaning in pain. "What's wrong with me? My eyes ... I don't feel right."

"It will get easier. I promise. You've already made it through the worst of it."

The room was suddenly cast into blissful darkness. I looked up at Edward, and his skin glowed subtly back at me. He had turned off the lights for me. A small kindness. My eyes still ached in their sockets, probably from the sunlight that came in from outside through the small window, but I would take whatever relief I could get.

I could still see him perfectly. "You have dark shadows under your eyes," I told him, my vision flitting over his features again and again. "Are you ill?"

Edward was looking at the empty glass I had placed on the counter. "Not in the traditional sense, no."

I sniffed at him, unconvinced. "You sparkle in the sunlight. That's not normal, you know."

"What do you know of normal?" he scoffed. "And so do you, by the way. Sparkle."

I paused. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Huh."

So I _was_ like them. I had suspected as much when I saw the pale, marble skin of my hands – every bit as flawless as their own. "What are we?" I asked, holding my hand out in front of me, level with his face. The appearance was similar, though he was perhaps a little paler. More ashen and grey, whereas I was the color of a pale, pink seashell almost completely whitewashed by the wind and waves. "We're not ... human. Are we?" The word came back to me slowly. I had to reach to the very back of my mind to retrieve it. "Humans don't sparkle."

"You did," Edward murmured, still refusing to look at me. "In your own way."

My ears prickled, listening carefully. "I was human?"

"Up until three days ago." He looked like he was going to be sick again.

"Am I dead?"

"Depends on what book you're reading."

"What am I? Please tell me."

Something about the question got him angry. The force of it caught me by surprise. "You're _Bella_," he bit out, eyes flaring at me. "That's all that matters."

We stared at each other in a tense moment of silence. Edward, still fuming over something unnamed. Me, taken aback, guarded

"Stop that," he said eventually. "Looking at me like that. I'm not going to hurt you. I just ... have a bit of a temper is all. I'm sorry, Bella. You're going to have to be patient with me while I work through this. You're not the only one in the midst of a change."

He wasn't kidding about the temper. I felt like I was standing next to a wild animal. Some sort of cat. Beautiful and deadly, capable of turning on me at any second.

He reached out a hand, appearing wistful, and I resisted the urge to flinch away. Despite the temper, he really didn't act as though he would hurt me. His fingers brushed through my curls, though he never touched my skin, and the look on his face was almost reverent. "What on earth did Alice do to your hair?"

"What's wrong with it?" I asked, suddenly wanting a mirror. I had no idea what he saw when he looked at me.

He shook his head. "Nothing," he whispered, fingers hovering over my face but never touching. "It's beautiful. You're beautiful. Breathtaking, really. No wonder Rosalie was angry when she saw you."

And yet he still looked sad. For a second, I thought he might lean forward and kiss me ... or at the very least, touch me. He did neither, and I almost found myself aching for it.

"What is it?" I asked, puzzled by the conflicted way he looked at me.

"Forgive me, Bella." He started laughing then. A dry, heartbreaking sound. His face drawn into a tight smile, his forehead crinkled in anguish. "It's like I'm grieving the loss of someone who's standing right in front of me. It's silly. Just little differences, you know, but they were special to me. Like your warm hands or the sound of your heartbeat quickening. All gone now. But your scent..."

I tensed as he spoke. I hadn't realized before then that I couldn't hear my own heartbeat. Or his. Though I could hear the heartbeat of the little fox outside, sniffing at the fence. And he was right about my hands, too, though he had yet to touch them. They weren't warm at all. What did any of it mean? It's like I was dead, but I wasn't. "What about my scent?" I asked, zeroing in on his last statement, which had trailed off into nothing. "I smell bad?"

"You smell exactly the same to me." He looked as though the thought gave him hope. "Maybe a slight change. Not bad ... just different. Earthier now, mixed in with the floral."

Again I thought he might take me into his arms. He seemed to almost lean toward me as he inhaled the air around my hair, drawn toward me like a magnet ... but resisting it somehow. I understood what he felt. But I didn't move either. I pushed the desire back into my brain like I had pushed away the hunger. Though I was in control, I was still curious about him.

"Do you have a last name, or are you just Edward?"

"It's the same as yours, Bella."

I found it interesting that he answered questions about himself in terms of _me_.

"I don't know my name," I reminded him. "Not the full one anyway. You haven't answered _any_ of my questions, you know. Not straightforward. You just spin them around into something else instead of being up front with me."

Edward's lips pressed into that thin line I was becoming so well-acquainted with. "Your name is Isabella Marie Cullen," he said rather gruffly. "It took me an entire month of begging on my hands and knees to convince you to take my name when we were married. It took me longer than that to even get you to seriously consider marrying me in the first place. You're the most infuriating girl I've ever met. You incense me at every turn. Get me to do things I never would dream of. And human or not, I love you more than anything else on this planet. Even myself. _I love you too damn much, Bella._ One of these days, I think it's going to kill me."

I peered up at him, unblinking. "Please to meet you, Edward Cullen," I said in reply. "You're very melodramatic. Did you know?"

Above our heads, through the ceiling upstairs, laughter erupted. Emmett and Jasper from the sound of it. Someone shushed them.

Edward certainly wasn't laughing. "Forgive me, Bella," he said in that cheerless voice. "Until you've listened to the one thing you cherish most, screaming and writhing unendingly for _days_, please believe me when I say ... you just really _don't get it_." He shook his head, cynically musing. "And to think. I actually held your sweet, warm body close to mine, looked you right in the eyes, and told you everything was going to be okay. You were so frightened. And I did it anyway."

His words confused me again. He knew the entire story yet refused to tell it in a way that I understood. I grasped for the pieces I knew personally. "I remember the screaming. There were two screams sometimes. Two voices. Mine and..." I flinched, backing away from him as another thought occurred to me. His previous words made me pause and consider something I hadn't before. My eyes grew large and alarmed. "What do you mean, 'you did it anyway'? Were ... _you_ the one that did that to me? You caused that pain? The _burning_?"

Edward hung his head, gripping the counter to support himself. "I'm so sorry," he lamented. "It was so much worse than I remembered. Maybe just because it was _you_ lying there this time. Please, please don't look at me like that. I can't stand it, Bella!"

Before I could answer, there were footsteps on the stairs, quick and light. Both Edward and I tensed and fell silent, still staring at each other.

Alice skipped in the room, and she instantly maneuvered herself right in between us. "Edward," she said in a slightly scolding tongue. "You're really quite terrible at this, you know. I don't think this is exactly what Carlisle had in mind for her initiation. I could see how futile it would be the second the words came out of his mouth, but it was worth letting you do it if only to snap you out of the catatonic stupor. If you keep this up, she's going to run again."

My eyes widened. How had Alice known I was planning that? I had been eyeing the door behind her back, thinking neither of them could see.

"Bella," she said, turning toward me. "You're going to have to believe me when I say you asked for the pain. Edward never wanted to hurt you. It nearly destroyed him to do that to you."

"Asked for it?" I scoffed. "All of you are utterly insane, do you know that?"

"Do you want answers or not?" she asked, the tone of her voice quite chipper and unaffected though my own manner of speaking was disagreeable.

"Will the answers be tiresomely vague like his?" I said, pointing a finger at Edward's chest.

"Well, that depends on how well you wrote it all down. Here, Bella. It's a letter you wrote to yourself before the change."

She called it a letter, but it was a journal that was thrust into my hands. Curiously, I opened the soft leather cover and flipped through the pages. Every single one was filled with line after line of prose. Written like a novel more than a journal. I didn't recognize the handwriting – or many of the names I glanced over.

"Alice," murmured Edward, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. "Are you sure she's ready for all that? She's barely been awake for an hour."

I glared at him. "This is a letter?" I asked Alice. "It looks more like a book."

"You're telling me. There's more where that came from. Two more journals. And a large document on your laptop. Your hands were so cramped from all the writing that Edward had to buy you something to type on. I don't suppose you remember."

I shook my head. "I wrote this?"

"Every word," she confirmed. "Right before you were turned. You finished it less than a week ago. You wanted to be sure you would remember your life beforehand."

"I expected to lose my memories?"

"We knew it was a possibility. It's always different, though. It will come back to you, don't worry. The books will help, Bella. _Trust me_." Here Alice broke off and looked at Edward significantly, as if he was supposed to get something from that, too. "But I think you should start reading soon. It's going to take you a while to get to the part where you're turned. Seventy-two hours, sixteen minutes, and forty-nine seconds. You can get quite elaborate in your descriptions."

I stared at her, not quite knowing what to make of her frank, strange nature. Or the puzzling words she said. "People keep saying these things to me. Before I was _turned_. When I was _changed_. What does that even mean?"

Alice didn't answer me at first. She had her hand on Edward's shoulder in a comforting gesture. She looked up at him as if speaking silently to him. It was obvious they had quite a deep connection.

"Read your journals, Bella," she said after a moment. "You'll find the answers to your questions in there. I don't know if any of us can explain it in a way that won't frighten you. You can work it out for yourself while the Bella in those journals works it out for herself."

* * *

Edward took me to his bedroom, though he did not follow me in. He closed the door behind me, and I kept my eyes glued to his until the last possible moment when the door shut between us. I was glad for privacy. A chance to gather my thoughts in peace for the first time I could remember. And yet ... I missed him already.

Luckily the room smelled of Edward – overwhelmingly so – and I wasn't certain if that delighted or frightened me. Perhaps a little of both. There was a bed, one iron post broken for some reason. I looked at it and wondered if I should sleep. I didn't feel tired. Not one little bit. I glanced down at the journal in my hand and sighed. I supposed I could just read. If they were telling me the truth, the little book I held had all the answers.

They said I had written it myself. There was a way to test that theory. I found a pen on a bookcase that was weighed down with heavy textbooks and novels, old and new. Taking the pen back with me, I sat on the bed and opened up the journal to the first page.

There I wrote ... _My name is Isabella Marie Cullen._

I compared the handwriting, and doubt was instantly removed. They were identical. The writing in the journal was perhaps a little sloppier. Less controlled. Rushed. As if written in a hurry because the author needed to get the thoughts out of her head and onto paper. That author, seemingly, was me.

I laid my head down on the pillow and stretched out. Edward's scent settled all around me like a silent flutter of wings. I breathed deep, filling my lungs with it like it was an expensive cologne. It dazed me for a moment, but eventually I came back to myself. Cracking open the journal, I turned again to the first page and began to read my story.

_My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down. It was seventy-five degrees in Phoenix, the sky a perfect, cloudless blue..._

* * *

To be continued.

**Author's Note**: For those who have not read the prequel to this story, _Spiral Static_, Edward gave Bella a journal in the final chapter. Fearful that she might not remember her life after she becomes a vampire, Bella records her story in it, starting with the first day she met Edward. It is thus implied that Bella is the true author of _Twilight, New Moon, _and_ Eclipse_. (Don't ask me if I've seen or read _The Notebook_. The answer is no, I haven't.) ;) In the chapter you just read, Alice hands Bella _Twilight_, or a chunk of it anyway, written in a journal. Hope that clarifies matters. Cheers. –Coquette


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note**: Someone asked me why I named the prequel to this story _Spiral Static_. Well, aside from it being the title of one of my favorite Muse songs, "spiral static" is defined on the Muse Wiki site as the calm before a storm. And in case you haven't noticed, it's begun to rain. Dum, dum, duuum! Okay, that was cheesy. Even for me.

* * *

**Citizen Erased**  
Written by Coquette

Part Three

Bella Swan's journals were ... interesting.

It felt strange to read her thoughts. It was like listening to my own thoughts, written by my own hand with my own rhythm, cadences, and vocabulary. But it wasn't me.

But _like_ me, Bella Swan was absolutely obsessed with Edward Cullen.

Her journals didn't help me remember him, but only served to fortify my fixation. His soulful eyes. His scent, which still curled around my senses as I sat in his room. His evasive way of speaking that left me – or rather _us_ – simultaneously irritated and enthralled. It was all the same. She even felt the same fear and uncertainty that I had felt under his intense stare the first time she had a close encounter with him. The reaction was so similar, so fresh in my mind from my own experience, that I felt for the first time that these were actually my journals I was in possession of. That I really was Bella Swan ... or at least had been once upon a time.

Edward Cullen was as much of an enigma to her as he was to me now. I read hungrily, wanting to know more about him, but I found myself growing exasperated with insipid details of high school life, not to mention Bella's decided ignorance of what Edward really was.

"He's a vampire, you idiot," I muttered, flipping through the pages with annoyance. And when I finally reached the part where Bella put two and two together, I said, "Oh, finally figured it out, did you? Bravo."

And of course ... that meant that I was a vampire, too.

I wasn't as slow as the girl in the journals. That probably wasn't her fault though. She came from a world of absolutes, of science and fact, where the supernatural kept to comic books or the movies. I, on the other hand, was born into a world of sparkling creatures made of diamond and marble. I started out a step ahead of the game, given clues that she wasn't at the time. Like strange, dark liquid handed to me in a glass, hushed whispers nipping at my ears as I drank, mentions of a hunt. I was no simpleton; not that Bella Swan was. It wasn't difficult for a predator to recognize another predator. The prey, on the other hand ... well, if the predator was any good, the prey would never even know they existed.

A vampire, then. Strange. I would have to contemplate that more in length later.

I already knew the end of Bella Swan's story, even though I was still reading the beginning. So perfect, adoring Edward Cullen had finally turned his pet human into a monster? I was interested in getting to that part in particular. How out of character for him; he seemed so very protective and fearful for her life at all times, always tense and on edge, even when it was just his threadbare grip on his control that threatened her. Never fully relaxed in her presence. Always focused solely on her and on keeping her safe. Always.

I wondered what it was that finally convinced him to do it? To change her. Had he slipped? Had it been an accident? But I had quite a ways to go before I got to that part.

I stopped reading after Edward kissed her for the first time, there at the edge of the woods, handling her like she was something precious, like she was made of glass. It made me angry. It took me a while to understand why, but it dawned on me eventually.

I was jealous.

Jealous of the little human girl who had captivated him so. Turned his world upside down. Captured his heart after decades of indifference and strict self-control. I was jealous because Edward Cullen's heart belonged to Bella Swan. To his wife. And I wasn't sure how I fit into that picture.

I was also terrified. To go out there and face him after reading this? How embarrassing to think he knew of all my former self's stammering and stumbling about. She was so inattentive and reckless. So clumsy and overdramatic. Was I that way, too? Had any of that changed when I had changed? I had no idea because I had a limited concept of myself, barely twenty-four hours old. My mind was like a sieve, full of holes. What did he love so much about her anyway? Surely he wouldn't love me the same way. I didn't feel much like Bella Swan. We weren't even the same species.

I was Bella Cullen now. Edward had claimed me in more ways than one, branding me not only with his name but with immortality and a thirst for blood.

I knew now that it wasn't a normal hunger that tore up my insides and tormented my mind. I wanted something I couldn't have, the blood of humans. But even as I thirsted for it, I felt sick inside – in my heart and in my stomach. The very thought repulsed me. Given Bella Swan's dislike for the smell of blood, even going so far as to faint when faced with it, I could only wonder if my own reaction was driven by the same disgust as hers.

But now I needed it to survive. That was going to be a problem.

I had little doubt in my mind that I had only been given animal blood by the Cullens. Thinking about it – remembering the taste and the thick, syrupy texture – made me feel ill all over again.

And hungry.

The two combined together, warring in my brain, was torment. What a pathetic vampire I was turning out to be. Considering the alternative, that was probably a good thing.

They were all downstairs, whispering and murmuring about me. I could hear them. It was now dark outside, rain tapping at the window like a ghost trying to make its presence known. No one had bothered me for hours. But they were all on high-alert, standing guard in case I tried to slip out. They seemed to expect me to lash out at any minute, like I was some kind of mindless animal capable of only acting on instinct instead of intellect. It made me thankful for my gift. To control that animalistic side of me, to push it down with so little effort ... I think it was going to save me a great deal of misery. I think it was going to save Edward and the rest of them some, too.

Domesticated monsters, indeed. What a thought.

They were worried. Wondering why I hadn't remembered yet. The disorientation that came with the change wasn't supposed to last that long – at least, it hadn't for them. It should have started to come back to me as soon as I began to read about myself. Carlisle, bless him, insisted that I only needed a bit of time and space, saying that my mind was just protecting itself from the trauma of the change and all the pain that had come with it.

I hated the fact that they were talking about me without me being present. Surely they had to know I could hear them, just as loudly as if they were in the same room as me. Perhaps they weren't used to me being a vampire yet themselves. Perhaps they still saw me as little Bella Swan.

I never heard Edward's voice speaking, though I knew he was down there. Though he stayed silent, others spoke to him, comforting him, encouraging him. One at a time, in low, dulcet tones. I felt terrible that there wasn't more I could do for him. But what _could_ I do?

I got up and paced, feeling frustrated, feeling trapped ... not only in the house but in the life I'd woken up in. Where were the other people in the journal? Like Charlie and Renée? They were my parents, weren't they? So where were they, and how did they fit into this new life of mine now? Were we in Forks right now, or someplace else? I didn't even know how long ago the journals had taken place. I didn't even know what I looked like. There were no mirrors in the room, but surely there was one elsewhere. Was I still the plain girl in the journals with the translucent skin?

It wasn't true that I didn't remember anything. Some things _had_ come back to me as I read. Simple things. Inane details. Like how the outside world worked. Social exchanges, traffic laws, geography, even the plots of several books I must have loved once. But why those things? Why could I remember Mr. Darcy's failed proposal to Elizabeth Bennet when I couldn't even remember my own husband's proposal to me?

It struck me as odd, like something wasn't quite right in my brain. A switch or a latch that needed prying open in order to let the flow of personal memories out again. But how was I supposed to locate a theoretical latch in my brain? It made my head hurt just thinking about it.

Weary of pacing, needing to get away from unpleasant thoughts, I left the journals on the bed and exited Edward's room. I inhaled deeply before I slipped out so that his smell would stay with me. I stopped in the hallway before I got to the stairs and had to grip the wall to support myself.

I was _thirsty_. Dizzy with it. My mind started to unravel from the pressure. It snarled and twisted and beat against my chest in place of a missing heartbeat, but I gripped at the tattered threads of my control and wove them back together. No! I was not going to lose myself to that. I was stronger than that.

I pushed back the hunger, though it screamed and snapped at me before I locked it away in my mind. Once I gathered myself – and it took several long moments before I did – I made my way downstairs, trying not to show that I was shaking. They were all there, silent, waiting for me to finally make it down the stairs. It looked like I had stumbled upon a family meeting. One about me.

With no small amount of effort, I avoided looking at Edward. But I caught a glimpse of him before I averted my eyes. He was standing in the rear of the room, away from the others, leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his chest. His face was hard, expressionless. Not to mention devastatingly beautiful. I felt his eyes burn into me, but I couldn't bring myself to return the gaze.

"Uh-oh..." murmured Emmett. "Look at her eyes."

"She's all right," Alice whispered back. "She's still in control."

Before I had a chance to figure out how she knew that, Carlisle suddenly appeared before my vision. I had seen him move, my eyes able to move as quickly as his body, but it surprised me nonetheless. I had read that they moved swiftly – that _we_ moved swiftly – but it was one thing to read it and another to see it. "Bella," he said in greeting. His tone was cautious. "We were starting to wonder about you up there. You must be quite hungry by now."

"A little, yes."

It was a lie. I was ravenous.

I tried to smile at them all, but I'm sure it fell short. I would have loved nothing more than to turn back around and retreat again to Edward's bedroom ... but then I wouldn't get fed. And I wouldn't be standing this close to him either. Without even looking at him, I knew I wouldn't be able to leave. I felt myself leaning his way, as if drawn toward him like a magnet. Whether imagined or not, I felt as though I were in physical pain when I resisted moving his way.

I ignored him ... because if I didn't I was going to make a fool of myself in front of them all. And I couldn't stand looking into those eyes again – so wistful and longing. It hurt too much, especially now that I'd fallen a little in love with him myself after reading about him. I focused on the face on the furthest side of the room from Edward. There, Jasper was shaking his head at me, awestruck. He looked like he envied me somehow. Though who could be envious of me, I don't know. I was a mess.

"I trust you understand certain things now?" Carlisle asked me, his meaning plain.

I lifted up my chin, gladly turning my attention back on him. "We're vampires," I said calmly, looking him right in the eyes. "Is that what you're referring to?"

Carlisle's mouth twitched. He was amused at my candor. "And you've accepted that little detail, I take it? You're all right with it?"

"Is there a reason I shouldn't be?"

"Well, several actually," he reasoned, a bit of apprehension touching his flawless face. "Vampires are often considered monsters."

"But you're not," I pointed out. "You don't kill humans. Only animals, and humans kill those themselves. So why should it bother me? You're really not that different from them at all. Well, aside from the basic mechanics, anyway."

Carlisle seemed to like that answer. So much so that his shoulders released tension I hadn't even realized was there. He smiled at me affectionately, and I felt something tug at a little hole in my chest. I knew in that moment that I could trust him, and that if I let him, he would be the same father to me that he was to Edward and the others. "Do you think you're ready to hunt, Bella?" he asked, his tone gentle and unassuming. "I admire your control thus far, but I'd rather not test it too much until you've had a chance to mature."

"I don't know how to hunt," I said, feeling self-conscious. And to be honest, I wasn't that thrilled at the idea. I thought about the blood, and that same starving but disgusted feeling washed over me. Was this what it was going to be like? Repulsed by the very thing I needed to give me life?

"Trust me, it will come naturally to you," said Carlisle. "You're a creature of instinct now. Though as you have discovered, we're capable of being much more than that. You need to understand that the desire to take life is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. It's what we do with that desire that sets us apart."

"But I don't want to kill anything. I don't _have_ to, do I?"

He raised his eyebrows. "If you can hold yourself back from taking a life, even from an animal, I'm sure you will impress us all even more than you already have."

"Well, then. Plan on being impressed."

Emmett reared his head around to address Edward. "You know, I'm starting to understand what you see in her." And then he yipped as Rosalie elbowed him in the stomach.

Carlisle chuckled musically. "Oh, Bella. How happy I am to have you as a new daughter. If the others aren't careful, you just might turn into my favorite. You and I think very much alike."

Besides Emmett and Carlisle, the others weren't amused. They were staring again. My eyes must be black as pitch because more than once, they had murmured about them under their breath. I grew irritated with all the attention focused on me. Couldn't they see I wasn't some mindless lunatic?

"I feel like you're all waiting for me to just snap," I said, and the words came out with a little more heat than I intended. "I don't know ... burst through the walls, massacre the town, and bathe in their blood."

Jasper raised a helpful hand. "That's because we are."

Esme shushed him gently.

"I'm afraid we need time to adjust just as much as you do, Bella," said Carlisle, winking at me. "None of the vampires you see before you were able to exercise such control."

"Bella, dear," said Esme, speaking to me for the first time. Her voice was soft and pleasant, with no hint of teasing. That was immensely comforting to me at that moment. "Do you remember anything yet? Not to put pressure on you. We just want to know how to make this easiest on you – what we can do to help and support you. We hoped the journals might lend a hand. You wrote them with such care and attention, you know."

They all looked at me expectantly. I wanted to sink into the floorboards. It was then that I really was Bella Swan, made new – because I made an enormous error in judgment.

I looked at _him_. And it all went downhill from there.

He had caught my eye because he had moved as soon as Esme began speaking. Pushing himself away from the wall, he came to stand closer to the group.

I stared at him, almost fearfully. Overcome by the enormity of his presence.

It was like looking at a character from a book, or spotting a celebrity on the street. You knew him – knew everything about him as if you'd watched him voyeuristically for a large portion of his life, even had words that he'd spoken memorized – but you didn't _know him_.

I knew what it felt like to kiss him, though I'd never kissed him. I knew his hands would feel like electric bolts going through my body, though he'd never touched me. I also knew that he was telling me the honest truth when he said he loved me. Violently so. And I loved him, too, in a way. Because the Bella in the journals loved him. I was the reader, stepping into her shoes, the narrator.

"Well, Bella?" he asked in that velvet tone, his eyes burning like a low, kindling fire upon my face. "Do you remember anything?"

I could scarcely think. His eyes were so full of quiet hope ... but bleak and fearful at the same time. He was scared to death of what I was going to say, ready to flinch away from it. My heart twisted in pity for him. To tell him the truth would have been cruel.

So I lied.

"It's ... coming back to me."

And then I looked away from him, instantly sick from guilt. Somehow the lie felt crueler than the truth.

The entire group – all except Alice – murmured and sighed in relief. Esme hugged me unexpectedly and gave me a little kiss on the cheek, telling me I should call her Mother. I shrunk away from her, feeling shy but pleased. The idea of a mother, when my own human mother seemed so far removed from me at that moment ... it wasn't an unwelcome one.

"All of your memories, Bella?" asked Carlisle. He was staring at me curiously.

My shoulders tensed. This was the reason lying was a bad idea. With one lie came more lies. "Not yet. There are still some holes. I don't remember a lot toward the end."

That was the truth, at least. I hadn't read that far into my story yet.

"Well, I suppose that's to be expected," said Carlisle. "They'll fill in soon, I'm sure. But you remember Edward? Meeting our family?"

I nodded, hating myself. Though I knew small details about them, I didn't remember meeting the Cullens because Bella Swan hadn't met them yet. I needed to go back and finish the story quickly if I was going to keep this charade up.

Emmett slapped Edward heartily on the back. "See? What did I tell you? Pay up, Jasper. You lost."

Jasper shrugged and held out his hand to his brother. There were several hundred dollar bills in it. But his smile was kind when he turned it on me. "It's worth it," he told me with a wink. "Not a bet I would have wanted to win."

Even Rosalie, who seemingly didn't think much of me if the journals were any indication, was looking at me with relief in her eyes. Of all of them, she was the one who offered me the most empathy with her gaze. I had a feeling she had gone through something similar. Perhaps her own change had been very hard on her. But there was something else there behind that stare. Disappointment, maybe. I don't think that she liked the fact that I was one of them.

Alice just sat on the couch with her arms crossed over her chest. I wasn't sure why, but she was scowling at me disapprovingly. That struck me as odd. She'd been so nice before.

I saved Edward's face for last. Truth be told, I was scared to death to look at him at all, fearing he would see right through me. He was so very smart, and he knew Bella well. Wouldn't he be able to tell the truth just from looking at my face?

Apparently, I was a good liar. Or perhaps he was just too hungry for the lie not to believe it.

Edward's face had transformed.

I almost broke down and told him the truth right then and there. For him to look at me like that – eyes shining with so much hope and love – it absolutely shamed me. Where there had only been hardness and anguish before, his face was now soft and open. And slowly but surely, it split into the sweetest, most beautiful smile I've ever seen.

In the journals, Edward had often laughed and smiled at his Bella. He was much happier then. Since I only knew him to be a sullen, grim creature, I could scarcely imagine Edward doing those things when I had read of them ... at least, not until now.

"Oh, Bella..." he whispered. And then I was in his arms, picked up by the waist until my feet dangled above the floor. He crushed me against his body in a fierce embrace.

I was in shock. The feel of his skin ... Bella in the journals had described it quite accurately. He was cold to the touch, but it didn't bother me. He felt just like I did. But my skin wasn't infused with electricity ... at least, not until he touched me, that is.

I gasped and closed my eyes at the feel of him, his breath on my neck, inhaling my scent and exhaling my name.

What could I do? If I said anything now, he would let me go. Perhaps I was a monster after all.

He let me down slowly, our bodies sliding inch by inch against one another's. He stopped my downward progress when my forehead was level with his lips. He left a searing kiss there, right below my hairline, and the feel of his mouth left me gasping for breaths I didn't need. I'm sure it all made for a convincing performance, but it was all quite honest. I was overcome.

In the room, I heard voices, though they seemed very far away. They were happy, celebrating the lie. It wasn't until Edward set me fully upon the ground that I was able to register what was being said.

"Come on," said Emmett, grinning at me. "Let's take the rookie on a hunting trip. Instill a nice bloodlust for the innocent in her. She's entirely too boring."

Still hidden in the safe haven of Edward's arms, I tried to smile back, but guilt was tearing me up inside. How happy I'd made them all with just a few words. Though come to think of it, most of them weren't really looking at me. They were looking at Edward's face in relief. It occurred to me then that yes, they might be concerned for me ... but it was mostly just worry for him that had them so worked up.

Alice was still sitting on the sofa, watching us with that same scowl upon her lovely face. "Edward, can I speak with Bella alone?" she said quietly.

"No," he murmured, his face pressed into my hair. "Go away."

I watched her, puzzled, as she shook her head and got to her feet. She stomped outside in a hurry, a confused Jasper following close at her heels. The family meeting was breaking up. A sea of voices and movement and smiles all around us. But Edward and I just stood still in the middle of it, swaying gently in that sea, together as one body.

He drew back to rest his forehead against mine, eyes locked with me, smiling that perfect smile. "I have so much to show you, Bella," he whispered. "So much to share with you. I was just so afraid ... so frozen ... Alice said you'd be normal again, that you would remember everything. But I was just afraid she'd gotten it all wrong, and you wouldn't ever be _you_ again. I thought I'd lost you."

What he would think of me when he learned he hadn't found me yet, I shuddered to imagine.

I blamed part of it on him. He had enthralled me, gotten me drunk off of the scent and feel of him, sated my hunger with words and sentiments I was so desperate to hear aimed at me instead of Bella Swan.

But even with all of that, I still hated myself as I said, "I'm right here, Edward. What do you want to show me?"

* * *

To be continued.

ETA: Some of you guys are getting confused regarding what Alice sees in Bella's future. Read what Edward says very carefully. Alice DOES predict Bella will remember. Not the other way around. Edward was just scared she was wrong. For shame, the speedreading! ;) (I've since re-written that bit. Hope it's clearer now.)

And I see some of you noticed Jasper did realize she was lying. But he did wink at her. -coughs significantly-


	4. Chapter 4 & 5

**Author's Note**: Some of you misunderstood the last chapter a bit. For those of you who didn't catch my rewrite of it, I just wanted to clarify that Alice DOES see Bella getting her memories back, and that she DOES see Bella returning to normal. Remember the vision she shared with Edward in Chapter 8 & 9 of _Spiral Static_. None of that has changed. Just so you know. ;)

* * *

**Citizen Erased  
**Written by Coquette

Chapter Four

The face in the mirror was unfamiliar but not unpleasing.

Edward stood behind me, looming almost a full head taller than me, with his hands heavy upon my shoulders. He watched me without expression as I acquainted myself with my own appearance. I had to be careful with him watching my reaction so closely. It was difficult to act as though what I saw in the mirror didn't surprise me. I was a little dumbstruck, to be honest.

Bella had described herself in the journals as quite plain. I could see that, reflected there in the mirror. There was nothing particularly striking about my features in and of themselves. The shocking parts were all in the details. My skin, for example. It was flawless, a heart-shaped face cut from a solid piece of quartz. I had a subtle glow about me, like Edward and the others. My hair fell in loose ringlets around my shoulders, reaching down to the middle of my back. The curls were becoming, and they softened my appearance with an air of femininity.

What captured my attention the most were my eyes. They were crimson red, unlike any eyes I'd ever seen. The Cullens didn't have eyes like that. They caught me off guard. Frightened me.

Edward must have felt my tension through my shoulders. "You still have human blood inside of your veins," he murmured, his mouth close to my ear. "Your eyes will change to the same color as ours eventually. Just give it time."

I leaned into his touch unconsciously, grateful for the reassurance he offered. "People keep saying that to me. Just give it time."

Edward spun me around gently, dragging my attention away from the face in the mirror, until I was facing him. "It will get easier," he assured me, molding his hand to my cheek.

"They keep saying that a lot, too."

"That's because it's true."

His thumb rubbed little circles on my temple, lulling me into relaxation. Such power he held over me already. All he had to do was touch me and whisper a few little words.

Guilt gnawed at my insides, and I could barely meet his eyes. The way he was looking at me, so adoring and watchful, broke my heart. I hated lying to him. I hated that he thought I was someone I wasn't. "I don't know if I want to do this," I whispered. To me, the words had a dual meaning.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Hunt."

He knitted his brow. "It's what we do, Bella. You'll fall into it easily enough. You're built for it."

"If you say so."

His hand moved to rest on my shoulder again. "Tell me what you're afraid of."

_I'm afraid of hurting you_, I thought to myself. _I'm afraid you'll never forgive me for it._

"I'm thirsty," I said, looking away from those liquid eyes that saw far too much. "All the time. It frightens me. Like I could lose control of it if I'm not careful."

"We all deal with that every day," he replied, his tone patient. "It's normal. Do you want me to get you something before we go? To stave off the hunger for a bit? It's a bit of a run to the hunting grounds."

I nodded, my gaze still training on the ground.

Edward lifted my chin up, searching my face for a moment, his own face still wiped free of expression. I trembled under that gaze, fearful he could see right through me. But he said nothing. He just brought me close, one hand on the back of my head like I was something precious to him, and left a smoldering kiss on my forehead.

I gasped when he touched my bare skin, trembling beneath the cool pressure of his lips.

Pulling back, he took my face again in his hands. "Well, there's something that hasn't changed," he said in a low voice, smiling at me crookedly. "I'll be back in a minute with something for you to eat. The others will want to leave soon."

Dropping one last kiss on my brow, Edward turned and slipped silently from the room. I stared at his lanky, retreating form as it disappeared down the stairs and put my hands over my face, exhaling in frustration. I just couldn't do this to him anymore. It had been less than an hour since that terrible lie had slipped from my lips, and it was an hour too long for my mental well-being. I hated every second of it. I thought perhaps it would get easier as time went on, but with every kind word he spoke to me, every time he touched me like I was his lover, it only got worse.

I cared for him too much already.

I began to pace, furious with myself. I didn't know what to do. I felt trapped there in that house; trapped by my own mistakes, by my own foolishness and inexplicable existence. The whole situation felt like a bad dream.

I chuckled at the thought, shaking my head unhappily. Wouldn't that be something now, if all of this were only a dream? Perhaps I would wake up into a life that was more normal. The thought should have comforted me, but it only frightened me instead. Normality would be nice, but if this were just a dream, would _he_ still be there if I woke up? I clung to the dream selfishly, unwilling to give him up.

As I continued to pace, something strange caught my eye in the window.

At first, I wondered if that too were part of a dream. It was so subtle, I thought I had imagined it.

The moon was out, so the lawn outside was lit up like daylight to me. My eyes caught every detail, crisp and vivid, but the colors bled together under the glare of the moonlight, splintering into shades of muted blues and grays.

That ability to see every little nuance was the only reason I saw him.

It was nothing but a shadow at first, swaying in a different direction than the wind. But then I saw the eyes watching me – a dim gold, glinting in the darkness like the eyes of a cat. At first I thought it might be Edward or one of the other Cullens. Their eyes were variations of the same golden color – all except mine. But I could hear all seven of them downstairs, readying themselves for the hunting trip.

It was a different vampire out there then, hidden amongst the trees away from the moonlight, silent and still as death. A stranger. Someone I hadn't met yet.

I sniffed the air, trying to catch his scent, but the wind was moving the other way, carrying it away from me.

Now that I had noticed the eyes, it wasn't difficult to focus in and make out the rest of his features, though they were still shrouded in darkness. He wasn't very tall, but from the little I could see of his face, I could tell he was angelically beautiful. The confident way he held himself made him seem greater in stature than he really was.

His lips curled into a knowing smile, as if he knew that I could see him. And then he did the strangest thing. Eyeing me suggestively, he put one slender finger to his smiling lips ... as if to tell me to keep a secret. And then he vanished, faster than even my eyes could follow, quieter than my ears could hear. Like a phantom or a hallucination.

I blinked in confusion, scanning the forest for any sign of him. But there was nothing. Only the gentle sounds of nighttime echoed back to me, the sounds of the Cullens downstairs, chatting in low voices amongst themselves. Who was he? Did the Cullens know he was out there? They didn't seem to hear him or smell him anymore than I did. Perhaps I had just imagined him. But I wasn't sure if my imagination was capable of dreaming up a face that perfect.

I heard a noise behind me. Lightning fast, I spun my head around, already spooked from the sight of the stranger in the yard.

Alice was standing in the doorway, frowning at me. "Did I frighten you?" she asked in her musical voice, still lovely though she addressed me in an even, unemotional tone.

"A little," I admitted, my shoulders still tight with tension. "You move very quietly."

I stared at her face to see if there was any apprehension there. Had she seen or heard the vampire outside? If she had, she didn't seem upset by his presence. Perhaps he was a friend of the family. A neighbor for all I knew. Or a family member I had yet to meet. Maybe I had imagined him after all. It didn't seem like a vampire could be skilled enough to elude all of the Cullens at once. I tried to put it from my mind.

Alice looked upset with me, just as she had downstairs. "Did I do something to make you angry?" I asked tentatively.

"You know what you did," was her cool reply.

My stomach turned to lead under her gaze. It wasn't difficult to catch her meaning. I was already riddled with the guilt of it. "How did you know I lied?"

"Oh, please, Bella," she said, rolling her golden eyes heavenward. "You're a terrible liar. I didn't even need to use my powers to figure that out."

"I am? A bad liar?" It was news to me.

"_Awful_. You know none of us believe you, right? You wouldn't know your own name if it hadn't been told to you. You'd better be glad Edward gave you those journals to write in, or you'd really be lost."

"But everyone seemed to believe me..."

"Everyone wants Edward to stop freaking out," Alice clarified. "He's been inconsolable for days, Bella. And it gets bad when he's inconsolable. One thing you need to learn about Edward ... he overreacts. When he gets the faintest hint of an idea in his head, he goes full steam ahead without thinking. Like heading off to Italy before listening to reason."

What she could mean by that, I couldn't begin to guess. Another thing that was probably explained in the journals I had yet to finish reading.

"Everyone thinks that you're going to get your memories back soon enough, so why not fib a bit?" she continued. "Carlisle and Esme are the only ones that agree with me. Jasper and I had an argument over it outside. He doesn't understand why I'm upset. "

"I'm sorry," I said, trying to convey my sincerity. Mostly though, I think I just blubbered. I felt awful, every bit as distressed as she was. "I didn't mean to upset anyone."

"Then stop pretending. If you don't tell him, I will. Though a lot of good that will do. I've already told him, but he's ignoring me. He needs to hear it from _you_."

"I never wanted to lie to him," I told her, grateful for the opportunity to confide in someone. The burden had been too much to bear on my own. "I never meant any harm. But did you see his face? He looked like his heart was ready to break if I told him I didn't remember. I ... care for him, Alice. I couldn't stand to watch it."

Her face softened as I spoke. "Bella ... things _will_ return to normal. But this isn't the way to move it along faster. I know you don't feel like yourself, but that's only because you're a newborn. This new side of you is just stronger than the Bella-side of you right now. But give it time. The scales will tip in the other direction. I saw it all play out in my mind long before you were even turned. Who do you think told Edward to buy you those journals in the first place?"

I didn't catch her meaning. "What do you mean, you've seen it play out?"

"You don't know what it is that I can do?" she realized. "You haven't read that far into the journals yet."

I shook my head. "Are you a mind-reader like Edward?"

"No. I can see things in your future. If you stay on a certain path, that is."

"A certain path?"

"Just trust me," she said, staring intently into my face. She didn't seem angry anymore. Just pleading. "Be honest with Edward, and be careful with his heart. He's not thinking straight right now. When it comes to you, Bella, he never does. I can barely see his future at all. It keeps changing because his mind is unstable, racing from thought to thought."

"Should I tell him the truth now? I'll go downstairs and do it, I swear."

Alice's lips thinned as she pondered. "No. Just ... wait a bit. Until the right moment comes up. Ease him into it gently. I don't know where his head is right now. He's angry with me because of what I keep telling him in his thoughts. I'm not convinced he doesn't already know but just doesn't want to admit it to himself. Edward is much smarter than you think he is, Bella. He's smarter than I am. Just keep that in mind next time you feel like fibbing."

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said, hanging my head a little. "I don't mean to be so much trouble."

The corner of her mouth pulled into a half-smile. "Oh, Bella," she sighed, but her voice affectionate. "You wouldn't be _you_ if you weren't trouble. So let that be a comfort to you."

* * *

**Chapter Five**

The hunting trip wasn't what I expected it to be.

Not that I knew what to expect

Esme and Carlisle stayed behind, entrusting me into the care of the younger vampires to accompany me on my first outing. We all ran together for miles and miles, through thick woods bathed in starlight. I enjoyed the experience, free from the monotony of the house at last, with the wind in my face and Edward at my side. I marveled at the strength in my legs, at the speeds they were capable of. Though admittedly, I was still slower than the rest of them. Perhaps a bit less coordinated. I wondered if some of Bella Swan's klutziness was still haunting my movements.

The hunting grounds were up in the hills, far enough away from the city lights that shone in the distance, but not an uncomfortable distance from the house. At least, not for us.

"There are humans camping nearby," grumbled Emmett when we came to a stop in a clearing of trees. "I caught wind of them a while back when we were running. Should we move further west? Who knows if we'll find anything grazing there."

I sniffed the air thoughtfully, frowning. I couldn't smell anything. The wind kept shifting around us, stirring it all up.

"They're probably sound asleep in their tents," said Jasper dismissively. "We know where they are. If we stay away from them, there shouldn't be a problem."

I could feel apprehension grip the entire group as he spoke. I kept my mouth shut, observing in silence.

Edward's lips were pressed into a hard, disapproving line. He had his eyes on me but addressed the others when he spoke. "Do you think she'll be all right?"

"She'll be fine," Alice assured him. "If she smells a human, I think she'll be able to control herself." Then she looked right at Edward as if speaking silently to him, which come to think of it, she probably was. He nodded slightly, almost imperceptivity, his eyes darting in Jasper's direction.

"Well, there you go," said Jasper, turning his back on the group and walking toward the dark line of trees. "Bella will be fine. So what are we waiting for?" Casting a final grin our way, he slipped into the forest ahead of us.

"Watch him," Alice said to the others under her breath. "I can't see what he'll do until he decides to do it."

I didn't really understand what she meant, but the others seemed to. We entered the thick copse of trees, following in Jasper's footsteps, silent as the breeze that swept through the branches over my head. Something shifted in the feel of the group. It focused into something sharper, faster, deadlier. I tried to keep up, but I didn't really understand what was happening. Edward spoke to me in a voice so low, I was certain nothing except the vampires around me could have possibly heard him.

He tried to explain to me how to give in to my other side – the predator, the monster inside of me that demanded satiation. Giving in to instinct, he called it. But I resisted, doubting myself, like a child hovering at the edge of a swimming pool, unsure of how to dive in. I felt awkward at the same time that I felt graceful. I felt misplaced. Uneager. Embarrassed. This just wasn't me.

The prey, a herd of deer clamoring through the trees, didn't stand a chance against any of them.

I didn't disapprove of what they did because I understood their hunger. But I turned my face away from it all the same, feeling a wave of displeasure wash over me when I smelled the blood. It was a very good thing Edward had gotten me to eat something before we left. I was growing increasingly convinced that I wanted no part of this.

But something happened to me on that hunt. I don't know how to describe it. Witnessing the violence ... it drew something out of me. Perhaps more of my basic memories were coming back to me, but it was more primal and instinctual than that. Bella Swan's reactions, her hesitance, her shyness – I could see her coming through clearly in my own actions. I felt almost human as I watched them, standing there on the sidelines, petrified.

The others had transformed into something I barely recognized. Ripping, tearing, biting. Only Edward resisted, holding back, his flat black eyes searching my discomfited face. He refrained from feeding for reasons he didn't vocalize.

The wind shifted, and a very enticing smell washed over me. Something different from the scent of the animals in the forest, different from the scent of the vampires as well. It was heady, rich, intoxicating. Hunger exploded in my mind and in my stomach, screaming at me to pay it heed. Venom filled my mouth, and I started to pant. It was nearly impossible, but I gripped my head on both sides, and managed to force down the thirst, locking it away tight in my brain.

It took me a moment, but I figured out what it was that I had detected in the air. The humans Emmett had mentioned camping nearby ... it was them. Though they were still more than a mile away, oblivious to our presence, their scent was thick in the air, carried by the ever-changing direction of the wind. The others seemed to smell it, too.

"Oh, no..." Edward breathed, and then he pulled me close as if anticipating something. His eyes were on Jasper. "Grab him!"

Had Jasper not already given himself over to his inner predator, I think he would have been able to resist the scent. But as it was, Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie were barely able to restrain him. I watched in horror, safe in Edward's arms, as the beast within him snapped and snarled mindlessly, desperate to get away and chase after that scent. It was like watching a physical manifestation of what was going on inside of my head and stomach.

It could have easily been me there in his place. So that was why everyone thought I was going to lose myself. That was why they seemed so impressed and bewildered with my control. I hadn't really understood before that moment.

Poor Jasper.

It took a while to calm him down, but somehow they managed it. Emmett pinned Jasper to the ground, and they lay there gasping until the fight went out of him. Alice stroked his hair, murmuring to him in a placid, soothing voice. It seemed to help pacify him.

"I suggest we leave soon," said Rosalie, wrinkling her nose as she stared in the distance. Her eyes were black as coal. But then again, so were everyone else's. "The wind might shift again. We should have never attempted to hunt here, especially with a newborn."

"Don't tell Carlisle," muttered Emmett darkly. "He'll be furious."

Alice turned to look at Edward, her fingers still tangled in Jasper's hair. "Bella?" she asked.

Edward's hands squeezed my shoulders reassuringly. "She's fine. She resisted, just like you said she would."

"Thank goodness for that. I don't think we could have handled them both."

They started off into the woods with Jasper in tow. I was relieved to see that he seemed to be gaining control of himself again, slowly but surely. Edward kept his arms around me and guided me with even steps after them. We lagged behind the group a bit as a result, who moved with much more urgency away from the scent.

"Are you all right?" he asked when we were out of earshot.

I was having trouble thinking with the weight of his hands on me. "I wasn't expecting Jasper to lose it like that."

"I'm sorry you had to see that. But I'm also proud of you for not reacting the same way." He smiled, his face shining down at me, pale as the moonlight that filtered through the trees around us. "Though I couldn't help but notice ... you're not joining in with the hunting."

"No," I admitted, hesitant. "Neither are you."

He ignored the last part. "Does it bother you?"

"Not really. I just don't think I want to do it myself."

He stopped walking and turned me around to face him, pushing my hair back from my face. I shivered, eyes closing when his skin touched mine. "Do you want me to bring you something?" he asked. "I can tell that you're thirsty. I admit I don't really understand how you can be around all of this and not give into it. I'm barely able to myself."

"I don't really understand it either," I replied quite honestly. "The stuff from the butcher – can I get more of that instead of having to kill?"

Edward looked disgusted. "If that's what you prefer. I find it rather revolting."

"All of it is revolting. At least I don't have to think about where it comes from that way."

He shook his head at me in mystification, but eventually it faded into that crooked smile I was growing so acquainted with.

"What?" I asked, feeling self-conscious.

"Nothing," he said. "It's just that I was so afraid that you would become this monster once you were turned. That I would have to watch you kill a human being – or at least try to at some point. That you'd be mad and ravenous like the rest of us were. And here you are, just as bothered by the thought of killing as you were as a human. But then again, you always did head in a different direction than everyone else around you. Always against the flow."

His eyes caressed my face, so loving and sweet that it pained me. My heart was still weighed down with the guilt of my lie to him. "I'll take you back now, if you want," he said, his voice sliding like silk over my troubled mind.

I shook my head, momentarily dazed. "No," I managed. "I like it out here. It's peaceful. You should go ahead with the others and hunt. You've barely joined in yourself. And look." I pulled one of the journals from my jacket pocket. "I brought reading material."

"Hmm, nice try. But I'm not leaving you alone." He took the journal from me, running his fingers over the leather cover. His voice was much more reserved when he spoke again, reminiscent of the first Edward I had encountered – painfully solemn. "How far have you read?"

"You just took her to the meadow." My eyes grew wide as I caught myself. "I mean ... you just took _me_ to the meadow."

Oh, crap. Alice wasn't kidding. I was awful at lying. Surely he had caught that.

But his face was free from expression when he replied. "You've quite a ways to go."

A heavy silence pressed in on us. Somehow I gathered together the courage to speak again. "I-I think I owe you an apology," I said after a long moment has passed.

He looked up at me with calm eyes. "For what?"

And there it was. The perfect moment to confess, when he was looking at me with so much quiet patience. But I couldn't open my mouth. I was scared to death that all I had to do was say a few words to send him headfirst into despair again. The words froze my tongue. I stared at him, fearful of the fierce love that shone down at me, and kept my mouth shut.

He watched my face in silence, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what he was thinking. "You know," he began after a moment, his voice low and unemotional. "Alice and the others think you're lying to me. About your memories beginning to return. Their thoughts are full of it."

Panic gripped my insides. Still, I was unable to speak.

"But of course," he continued, eyes still on the journal, "I already knew you were lying the second you opened your mouth."

I cringed, waiting for it ... for him to drop the axe and tell me how furious and disappointed he was with me. But the seconds ticked by, and the hateful words never came.

"Then why did you act like you believed me?" I finally asked.

His smile was sweet and sad when he turned it on me. "I wasn't acting like anything. I guess it just gave me reason to hope, is all. You were so _Bella_ when you said it. I could see her there in your face, in your eyes and in your words. Her compassion, her fear of letting others down, of hurting me. The way you looked at me ... it was just like the way she would look at me whenever something frightened or upset me, and she felt helpless to do anything about it."

He paused there, gazing off into the distance, and smiled as if remembering something fondly. "You always were a terrible actress, Bella. To think ... being reminded of that fact, to have it bring me such comfort at a time like this..." His eyes flickered back to my face, suddenly serious. "If you need to, Bella, just ... lie to me. I think it's easier on both of us right now."

His words slid through me like a knife. I caved under the pressure, ready to beg for his forgiveness if I had to. "Please understand," I whispered pleadingly. "I never wanted to hurt you. I woke up to you grieving over me – desperate for me to be something I'm not. And it made _me_ hurt, seeing it."

But my words only made him smile more. "See? There she is again, shining in your face. Oh, Bella, forgive me. I think I've put too much pressure on you."

Wait. That couldn't be right. Why was he asking _me_ for forgiveness? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I turned my face away, feeling shamed by the love that radiated off of him. For him to look right at me, to know I had lied about something so sensitive and to not care – it was like being pardoned from an unforgiveable crime the very second I had committed it.

I think I fell a little bit more in love with him at that moment. It was the first time in my existence I could remember being shown unconditional love.

"You _are_ Bella, you know," he continued. He said it to me like a command or an incantation. "I can see that now. Written all over you. Even if you can't."

"I don't feel very much like Bella," I confessed.

He smiled at me knowingly. "Let me let you in on a little secret about her. She was never once comfortable in her own skin. I wouldn't expect you to be either. So here's how it's going to be from now on between us. I'm going to treat you just as I would treat her. Like my wife because that's exactly what you are. And you're going to read your journals and try your best to remember. It will come back to you, and there's nothing I can do to force that. But I'm comforted, looking at you now. Oh, Bella. Forgive me for doubting."

He bundled me up into his arms and whispered a stream of loving words into my hair. I was speechless. How on earth had this creature fallen for someone like me? I felt so undeserving, so disgraced by the purity of it, that I could barely bring myself rest in his arms. "I'm so sorry," was all I could say as I buried my face in his chest. "Please forgive me."

"Hush, you silly girl," he whispered back, stroking my back through the loose material of my shirt. "Just relax. I've got you."

One of his hands slid around my cheek, and he pulled me away from his chest. Caressing my face, he nuzzled me with the tip of his nose before locking eyes with me, staring at me with obvious intent. I licked my lips nervously, unable to keep from trembling under that gaze.

He was going to kiss me.

My eyes fluttered shut and I froze, waiting. But a long moment passed, and his lips never brushed against mine.

"Not ready for that, are you?" he asked, his face very close. I could taste his breath, sweet on my tongue.

Oh, I was ready. I wanted it more than I could say. But it felt wrong somehow – to accept that kind of love from him without deserving it. I'm sure he could read the hesitance all over my face.

"It's all right," he said when I didn't answer. "We'll take things slow. I'm not going to pressure you into anything." He held my face between both of his hands and kissed my cheek softly, his lips achingly close to mine. Then he sighed in displeasure. "Damn it all – Alice is coming back this way. They're wondering what happened to us."

As if on cue, Alice skipped into the clearing. She turned a knowing smile on me, obviously pleased by something. For all I knew, she had been listening to every word we'd spoken. "There you two are," she said. "We're taking Jasper home now. He's calmer now that he's fed. Are you both ready?"

Edward nodded and slipped his arm around my shoulders, guiding me toward his sister. When we reached her, he slipped his other arm around her, and we all fell into step together.

"So," said Alice, smirking up at Edward. "Believe me now? I told you she was lying."

"Oh, hush," he muttered. His tone was good-natured, despite his words.

"But I guess it's not her fault," Alice continued. "You do tend to overreact a bit, Edward. You make us all a bit crazy, worrying about you."

His arms tightened around us both. "Good thing I have such persistent women in my life, to keep me on the straight and narrow when I start to slip."

Alice grinned over at me. I tried to smile back, but my thoughts were still troubled. I couldn't help but feel a bit out of place there with the two of them. I was happy that I had a place to fit in, that I had been accepted into their hearts even when I messed up, but my vision was still clouded with uncertainty. I wanted to remember. I wanted to know what they were thinking when they looked at me. I wanted to know myself as well if not better than they knew me.

"What's wrong, Bella?" asked Alice. "You look a bit lost over there."

Edward's hand squeezed my shoulder, and he pressed a kiss to my temple. "You all right?"

I sighed. "Yes. I'm just thinking is all. I'm worried. I mean ... _will_ I remember, Alice? You said you can see the future. Do you know?"

"Well, sure, Bella. Of course you're going to remember."

"But when?" I pleaded.

"Hmmm, I really can't say. When I get visions, sometimes I know exactly when an event will happen. I can name the second. But other times, I'll just get a flash of something, usually when there's some kind of doubt or indecision involved. I do see you with your memories back, but I have no idea when that's going to happen."

She shook her head, seeming slightly frustrated. "It's been bothering me ... the last few days," she continued. "It's like I can't see the way I should be able to see. Sometimes it's there, and sometimes it just isn't. It's as though something is blocking me. It reminds me of when you and Edward were in Paris on your honeymoon, and that vampire..." She trailed off, her eyes growing wide in panic as something occurred to her. "Oh, _damn_."

Edward and Alice both stopped walking at the exact same time, bringing the three of us to an abrupt halt. I looked up into their faces in confusion, but they didn't offer me any kind of explanation.

Edward was staring at Alice, horror alight on his face. "What did you just say?"

"Edward..." Alice said slowly, her eyes going a bit unfocused as if she was seeing something play out in her mind. "I can't say for certain ... but I think we need to get Bella out of Forks. Right now."

* * *

**To be continued.**

**Author's Note**: Here's some story background information for those of you who haven't read the prequel to this story, _Spiral Static_. Feel free to skip if you know all this already.

**Backstory**:

While on their honeymoon, Edward and Bella were attacked by a small but powerful group of vampires in Paris. Their leader, still unnamed, explained that they were hired by the Volturi to force Edward and Bella into compliance. A deadline was set for Bella to be changed into a vampire.

The leader of the vampires has special talents. Though not explained fully, he is able to block out Edward's ability to hear his thoughts and Alice's ability to capture him in her visions. The leader handled Bella roughly, frightened her with suggestiveness, and even had Edward tortured. For this, and for attempting to take the choice of immortality out of Bella's hands, Edward swore revenge on the leader and the rest of the vampires.

When the deadline approached, the vampires returned to see if their demands had been fulfilled. Edward and the Cullens were ready for them and killed them with the help of the werewolves. The leader, however, was not with them at the time, much to Edward's anger and disappointment.

Now who on earth could that have been, hiding in the woods with his finger to his lips? :)

If you would like to read more about him, pull up chapter seven of _Spiral Static_ and meet him. He's quite a specimen. Hopefully, not what you would expect to find in a villain. Till next time. –Coquette


	5. Chapter 6

**Author's Note**: Sorry about the delay in posting this chapter. I needed some time to fully digest _Breaking Dawn_. The book will not be affecting this story. Hope you enjoy.

Previously...

_Alice shook her head, seeming slightly frustrated. "It's been bothering me ... the last few days," she continued. "It's like I can't see the way I should be able to see. Sometimes it's there, and sometimes it just isn't. It's as though something is blocking me. It reminds me of when you and Edward were in Paris on your honeymoon, and that vampire..." She trailed off, her eyes growing wide in panic as something occurred to her. "Oh, damn."_

_Edward and Alice both stopped walking at the exact same time, bringing the three of us to an abrupt halt. I looked up into their faces in confusion, but they didn't offer me any kind of explanation._

_Edward was staring at Alice, horror alight on his face. "What did you just say?"_

"_Edward..." Alice said slowly, her eyes going a bit unfocused as if she was seeing something play out in her mind. "I can't say for certain ... but I think we need to get Bella out of Forks. Right now."_

* * *

**Citizen Erased  
**Written by Coquette

Chapter Six

They all marched me back to the Cullen residence like I was a child that had done something wrong. I couldn't make heads or tails of it. Their mood had shifted so suddenly that I felt dizzy from it. Edward kept his hand gripped around the crook of my elbow. It was almost painful, though I don't think he meant to hurt me. My own vampire strength helped me withstand his.

Edward's body was rigid, like he had been set on fire inside. He sniffed the air continuously, searching for something, and he grew even angrier when it eluded him. At one point, he drew me close and brushed his lips against my temple, as if to comfort himself and reassure me at the same time. That was how I knew I wasn't in trouble.

Still, I worried. They fussed over me as we advanced toward the house – all five of them, hovering almost as closely as they had when I'd first encountered them in the forest, a newborn vampire with no memories.

"Do you smell anything?" asked Emmett. "Hear anything?"

Edward's fingers tightened on my arm like a vice. "Nothing."

The others shook their heads and murmured similar negative responses. I couldn't smell anything unusual either – only the increasingly familiar scents of my new family – and I couldn't tell from the looks on their faces if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Edward, I could be completely wrong about this," Alice said in a comforting tone, though her face was marred with concern. "It's just a feeling. I haven't _seen_ anything, so I don't know for certain. Let's not overreact."

Jasper snorted under his breath. "Because Edward _never_ overreacts..."

"I don't care," Edward said in reply to Alice, ignoring his brother's quip. "I'm not taking any chances."

We reached the house as a single entity, all crowded together like a small army with me in the middle. Carlisle hovered in the doorway, waiting to greet us. It was obvious from the look on his face that he knew something was wrong. "What happened?" he pressed when we were in earshot. "Did Bella...?"

"It's not Bella," Edward growled as he marched me forward, right past Carlisle and up the stairs.

The others began speaking to their father in hushed voices, explaining things I would have loved to be privy to, but every step took me farther away from them – too far away for me to catch what they were saying. I suppose that was Edward's plan. I stared up at him with questions burning in my eyes.

"What's _happening_?" I asked as he led me into his room. "One second, we were all in the forest, just talking with Alice – and the next, we're rushing back to the house. I don't understand."

He didn't respond at first, as if he was weighing exactly what to say to me. His fingers softened on my arm as his urgency dissipated into something gentler. He brought me over to the bed and sat me down. Though he stayed standing, he pressed his hands into the mattress on both sides of me, leaned down, and rested his forehead against mine. That simple action seemed to have a calming effect on his nerves – and on mine as well. My shoulders relaxed, lowering back to their normal position.

"Like Alice said earlier, we don't know if anything is happening," he said quietly. "I don't want to frighten you without cause, so try to be patient with me for a little while I figure out what's going on. Just trust me, all right?"

I didn't answer, but I hoped that he ascertained from the look on my face that I wasn't pleased. If he noticed, he didn't acknowledge it, and that only served to deepen my displeasure. He just left a kiss on my forehead and whispered, "I'll be back soon."

He closed the door behind him when he left, oblivious to my silent fuming, and his voice soon joined the others downstairs. The Cullens were having another family meeting – and this time, I wasn't invited.

I rose from the bed and pressed my ear to the door, knowing they'd hear if I tried to open it. They must have anticipated my attempt at eavesdropping because they spoke in voices so quiet, even my keen ears had a difficult time making out what was being said. Something about Paris; a battle. After a few moments of discussion, Carlisle's tired voice rose above the others and issued an order. The front door opened, and Emmett and Rosalie took off, flying like wraiths across the lawn and into the forest. I couldn't begin to guess the reason for their sudden departure.

The rest of them shifted out onto the porch to talk, and I immediately perked up and tiptoed to the window. I could hear what they were saying through the thin glass.

"I'll send word to Aro immediately," said Carlisle. "Perhaps this is all a misunderstanding. Perhaps the Volturi don't realize you've already changed her over."

Aro. The Volturi. Nothing made sense to me.

"A misunderstanding?" echoed Edward. He sounded furious, and if I hadn't already witnessed the kindness he was capable of, the depth of his anger might have frightened me. "Doubtful. The little weasel let me read his thoughts when they cornered us in Paris. He doesn't care one way or another if Bella is turned. He never did. He was interested in _her_, in playing a game. Fixated like James – only worse."

"I thought the Volturi hired him?" asked Jasper. "Isn't that what he told you? To make sure Bella was turned."

"I'm sure they did," replied Edward. "He took it a step further than that, I'm afraid."

"And let's not forget that we wiped out his companions," added Alice. "He might be looking for a little revenge. Wouldn't you?"

"Hmmm," said Carlisle, his voice muted as if he had a thoughtful finger pressed to his lips. "Edward, you might need to take Bella to Italy. If I know our friends..." He said the word _friends_ rather derisively. "...they'll want reassurance in person. Though whether or not it will make a difference in terms of this other fellow, I can't say."

"Trust me," said Edward darkly. "It won't. But I'll take her regardless. Maybe the Volturi will help to draw him out of his hiding place or track him down." He didn't sound particularly optimistic as he said it.

"Are you going to tell Bella?" asked Esme. "The poor girl looked so confused when you brought her upstairs. Edward, was that really necessary?"

"Can't you see that she's frightened enough already?"

Before anyone could respond, there were quiet but rapid footsteps on the lawn – the sound of vampires running. I peered into the distance and caught sight of Emmett and Rosalie flying back toward the house, their skin glowing subtly in the moonlight. They joined the others on the porch.

"There's a strange scent in the woods," said Emmett. "It's in the air only. If it's his scent, he's good. He didn't even brush up against single branch. Edward, you need to come quickly before it dissipates. You're the only one here that will recognize it as his scent."

"All of you should come," said Rosalie. "In case we need to track him together."

"I'm not leaving Bella here alone," said Edward.

"I'll stay with her," said Esme's calming voice. "Don't worry, Edward. She's a newborn. I know you're used to protecting her, but she can take care of herself now. Just as well as the rest of us, if not better."

"Yeah," muttered Jasper. "She could probably rip his head off with a flick of her pinky. Give the girl a little credit."

"It's decided then," said Carlisle. "Esme will stay with Bella – and you'll need to keep an eye out around the house, darling. I have a feeling he's already been here. The rest of us will go with Edward to see if the scent matches. Then we'll fan out and try to track him down. I will not have this family in jeopardy from some rogue hunter. There's one of him and a legion of us. He's chosen his battle most unwisely."

Murmurs of agreement. Edward's voice carried above them all. "Just remember," he said, his voice deadly with intent. "If we come across him – he's mine."

* * *

When they had all gone, Esme left me to myself, humming something soft and melodic under her breath as she flitted from room to room downstairs, gazing out of the windows into the woods. I paced for ten minutes before I couldn't stand it anymore.

She was wearing a knowing look on her face when I came down the stairs, and it made me think she'd been expecting me to descend sooner. "The others will be back soon, Bella. We should stay close to the house in the meantime. Are you hungry?"

I shook my head, though it was somewhat of a lie. Physically, I was finding that I was always starving, especially since I hadn't joined in with the hunting. Mentally, I didn't want the distraction. "Will _you_ tell me what's going on?" I asked instead.

Her serene smile deepened, and the dim light in the room cast her face into warm shadows that made her even lovelier. "You heard us talking on the porch, didn't you?"

I nodded anxiously. No use in hiding it. "But I didn't understand a word of it. Am I in some sort of trouble? Edward seemed so angry."

"No, nothing like that, dear. Edward..." She paused and sighed, her expression turning wistful. "Edward is painfully predictable once you figure him out. You'll learn to interpret all he does soon enough and understand where his anger is really focused. Ten times out of ten, he's only acting out of love for you or his family. But Bella, sometimes he doesn't always make the right decisions. He can be rather hasty."

"What do you mean?"

"He tries to protect you a little too much, I think. Withholding information from you, for instance. You'll find that's a trend with our Edward," she said, winking at me. "I suppose when you hear everyone's thoughts, you learn to keep secrets. But don't worry. I'll talk to him about it when he gets back. He's just trying not to overwhelm you with information while you're still so unsettled in your own skin. Especially since we don't know for certain if anything is truly wrong."

She reached out her beautifully tapered fingers to smooth a strand of hair from my face. "How are you doing, Bella? I know ... that you weren't telling Edward the truth earlier. I know that you don't remember anything. It's all right, dear. I'm not here to judge you. Just ... is there anything that I can do for you? Any way to make this easier?"

I looked away, feeling just as shamed by her loving gaze as I did by Edward's. "About that ... Edward and I had a talk. He knows the truth. I guess he knew the second I opened my mouth."

"That's good to hear. I'm glad. And I know just why he was comforted in that moment when you lied to spare him pain. With every passing moment, Bella, we're all seeing a bit of you come back to us. Your compassion was always at the forefront of your personality. So let that be a comfort to you. But you didn't answer my other questions. What can I do for you to make this easier?"

The corner of my mouth pulled upward. "You're doing a pretty good job already."

She laughed and made a move to embrace me – but we both stopped dead and fell into instant silence.

Outside, the low branches of one of the oak trees had moved, the leaves rustling quietly, as if a body had brushed up against them. Both of our heads turned toward the window in unison, watchful and alert. Something – or someone – was in the woods nearby.

After a moment of careful listening, Esme relaxed a fraction. She tried to put her smile back in place to soothe my discomfort, but it fell short of reaching her eyes. "I should go see what that was," she said, her voice wavering so slightly that I almost didn't notice. "Can you stay in the house for me? Don't worry. It was probably just an animal. Or maybe one of the others on their way back."

I matched her feigned smile with one of my own. It was difficult to feel secure when no one was willing to tell me what was wrong. "Sure. I'll just go upstairs and read."

My body was as rigid as stone as I turned away from her. I was angry as I ascended the stairs back toward Edward's room, but I bit my tongue, feeling childish. It wasn't Esme I was mad at; really, who could be angry with her? No, I was just frustrated. But there were obviously things I wasn't equipped to understand at the moment – things that hopefully were well in hand.

I clenched my jaw and straightened my back, trying to replace the frustration with determination. There was only one way to fix this. I had to finish those journals I'd written myself. I had barely dented them and already they had revealed so much to me. If Edward thought I wasn't ready for certain details told from his own lips, the answers I needed would surely be disclosed there. And maybe the memories would really start coming back to me the further I read.

Edward's scent clung to his bedroom like an old friend, and I was pleased to find my own scent intermingled with his. I sat down on the edge of the bed, smiling as I inhaled, letting it calm me. My eyes drifted shut, and I listened to the sounds of nighttime outside. Esme was so quiet when she slipped from the house, the only way I knew that she was truly gone was because of the absence of her humming downstairs.

A sudden shifting of the wind rustled the branches outside. A squirrel or something small leapt from one branch to the other, frightened by the stirring of the breeze. The sound comforted me. Surely it had been an animal that Esme and I had heard earlier. Nothing to be concerned with.

My ears heard the high whistle of the wind seeping through the cracks of the window, stirring up the air in the room. My nose wrinkled as I caught the edge of something unfamiliar, and my eyes flew open, instantly sober.

And there he stood.

Right in front of me, leaning against the bedroom wall with a smug smile on his angelic face.

It was the strange vampire I'd seen watching me earlier that evening from outside.

He had skills; I had to give him that much. How long had I been in the room with him without even noticing? Had he been standing there the entire time? Had he slipped in while my eyes were closed? I had no idea. But I had the strangest feeling that he had made that sound in the woods just to draw Esme away from the house.

His eyes glinted in my direction invitingly. "Well," he purred. "Aren't you something to behold?"

I stared, fixated. I wasn't afraid, though I probably should have been. But I felt strong, sure of myself. Whoever this was, if he took one unsolicited step toward me, I was going to rip that smug head right off of his smug shoulders.

And that would be a shame, indeed. He was beautiful. Elegant in an all black three-piece suit, minus the jacket. Small in stature, but with a demanding presence that I found instantly intriguing. His flawless skin, unearthly pale, stood out in stark contrast from his short, black hair, which gave him a youthful, deviant air. His eyes glowed a dim amber, lighter gold around the center. He was like the Cullens, then. Not a killer of humans – or at least, not a drinker of human blood. Perhaps he wasn't an enemy at all.

He pushed away from the wall but still hovered on the far side of the room. "I mean, I could see the potentiality the moment I first laid eyes on you," he continued. His voice was lightly accented, but I couldn't place the region. "So much fire and sweetness wrapped up in that tight little frame. But really. I had no idea. I admit I didn't expect him to actually turn you. In fact, I rather counted on having to do it myself. How disappointing."

"Who are you?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. He could only be referring to Edward, and if his sudden appearance hadn't made me angry – that particular subject just might.

"Mmmm. Playing naïve, are we? How precious."

"I'm not. Who are you?"

He tilted his head to the side, scrutinizing my face for a moment. "Interesting," he said after a moment. "I would have thought you would have overcome the disorientation of the change by now. The memory loss is usually brief. Though I suppose it makes sense. Your mind – I can see how it ticks. Little wheels spinning, spinning away. It's protecting itself, you see. That's your power, isn't it?"

"How do you know all of that?"

"We're old friends, you and I. Though I suppose you don't remember any of that either. A pity." He laughed, eyes dancing as if he thought it was anything but a pity. "Oh, I'm so glad you have a power. That works out for the best for _me_ as well, you see."

"Why is that?"

"Well, I have a power, too, Sweet Isabella. You're so very clever. I should like for you to guess what it is."

"I don't like guessing games."

"Perhaps you'd like a demonstration, then?" His smile spread into a grin, and I saw that his incisors had been filed down into sharp points like fangs.

The room suddenly exploded into sound – though none of it was actually audible. It was as if my own brain was screaming at me, gnashing its teeth like something had been unleashed inside of me. I could almost see the sound waves shimmering in my vision as I was driven to my knees, overcome with an abrupt and undeniable _thirst_. My throat ignited into flames, burning like the pain that had seized me for days as I changed into a vampire. I felt as though an animal, ravenous and crazed, had possessed me. I writhed, needing sustenance. _Needing blood_.

I wasn't in control of my newborn urges anymore.

Whatever the stranger had done to me with his power ... it had broken down my shield like it was made of wafer-thin glass.

Another thought blossomed in my mind, somewhere behind the red hot thirst that had floored me. Thoughts of Edward.

_My Edward_.

I wanted to sob, but the weight of a thousand memories flooding back to me kept me pinned to the ground, mute and helpless against the brunt of the mental onslaught. Every smile came back to me. Every exquisite kiss and gentle word that slipped from his lips. Every instant in his presence and every painful moment away from it...

_I remembered. Everything!_

But then, as suddenly as it started, it was over. My mental shield snapped back into position, and my control settled back in its place, though it wavered and quaked in my head like a flat piece of metal that had been struck by a mallet. I lay on the ground, gasping, wide-eyed with confusion.

I felt ... empty.

And couldn't seem to remember why.

It came back to me eventually, sluggish and hazy like the lifting of a fog. I quickly grew frantic as I struggled to grasp onto something. I realized it was the shredded remains of my memories ... slipping away again! Lost!

I pushed myself upright, though I couldn't find the strength to rise to my feet. My ears and brain were still ringing from the attack. Slowly I turned my gaze back upon that mockingly beatific face. "What ... just happened?" I breathed. "What did you do to me? Bring them back!"

"Bring what back?" he asked, bemused.

"My memories! You stole them!"

"I did nothing of the sort, sweet one. I only took away your own power for a moment. Now that I've seen what lies beneath, I must say that you have an extraordinary mind. To block all of that so effortlessly." He paused and chuckled as something seemed to occur to him. "Oh, the irony! The same gift that helps you restrain yourself from killing the innocent also keeps you from remembering your lover. Whichever will you choose?"

I didn't have a chance to reply ... or even get to my feet. Both of us tensed at the same time, listening to the sound of footfalls approaching the house, several pairs thundering on the ground. One was closer than the others, moving faster, leaving the others behind. The Cullens were returning, and it was obvious from their pace that they knew something was wrong.

The vampire seemed inexplicably pleased by this, as if he had planned it this way. "The middlegame is on," he said. "That's a chess reference, my dear. And here's another one for you to look up: _en prise_. Perhaps you should share that particular phrase with your dear husband, though it won't do him much good. Do give him my regards?"

He gave a polite little bow, his eyes never leaving my face. And then his gloved hand opened the window, and he slipped silently into the darkness. And when I say silently, I mean there was a complete absence of sound, like he'd turned the volume down in the room. If I hadn't watched him do it, I wouldn't have even noticed the departure. _Nothing_ could be that quiet, but he managed it with ease. Another part of his gift perhaps? I shivered, though I was anything but cold. The sound of footsteps in the hallway was the only way I knew I hadn't dreamt the entire scenario up.

Suddenly Edward was before me, his eyes blazing with fury and fear. He knelt and gripped my face between both of his hands. His nose flared when he caught my scent. "Did he hurt you?" he choked out.

I shook my head in mute reply, wide-eyed at the depth of his apprehension. It wasn't the entire truth. To have my memories restored for one shining moment, then to have them stolen away again – oh, he'd hurt me quite badly. But now wasn't the right time to explain all that.

"_Where_?"

I pointed toward the open window. I expected Edward to bolt again and take off in chase of the strange vampire, but he just whipped around and called to his family, who were just now at the porch, slower than Edward. I heard Carlisle's voice give a sharp order. They had the scent now, and they all took off, circling the house, spreading out into the woods.

Edward gathered me close. "Stupid!" he growled, and I knew he wasn't referring to me but rather himself. "I should never have left you! I'm so sorry."

Before I could even formulate a reply, he had my face between his hands again. The look on his own face shocked me. There was a puzzling hint of utter joy mixed in with anguish. "I heard your thoughts, Bella!" he all but wept. "I heard you! In my head. I didn't think it was real at first. And when I saw his face in your thoughts ... sneering down at you. Oh, Bella! Why didn't you run?"

I stared at him, trying to make sense of what he was telling me. So it was the shield in my mind that kept Edward from reading my thoughts. "I didn't know I was supposed to," I whispered, finally finding my voice. "Edward? I ... I think I know now why I can't remember anything."

"What do you mean?"

I swallowed with difficulty, gripping the front of his shirt. "_I'm_ doing it. I don't know how or why, but it's me. There a shield in my head, and it's cut me off from my memories. It's cutting me off from _everything_."

* * *

To be continued.

**Author's Note**: (MILD _BREAKING DAWN_ SPOILERS BELOW)

Just wanted to say that I had Bella's vamp!gift plotted out WAY before _Breaking Dawn_ was on the shelves. I know Stephenie is saying Bella is able to control herself because she had time to prepare herself for the change, but in my story, Bella doesn't remember anything about her past, so any mental preparation would be irrelevant. That's why she was so raw and calculating when she first woke up. She was completely lacking a memory of humanity, though as you can see, that much has been coming back to her slowly.

Another scene I wrote before the book was published was Edward being able to hear Bella's thoughts when her mental shield was down. - sighs and wanders off -


	6. Chapter 7

**Citizen Erased**  
Written by Coquette

_Chapter Seven_

I couldn't believe what I was reading.

So I reread it, and my mouth fell open, aghast. Turning a heated glare on my husband, I closed the journal and lobbed it directly at his head.

Edward ducked at the last second, his vampire speed serving him well. The car swerved just a slight fraction on the highway as he turned astonished eyes upon me. "What was that for?" he demanded.

"Don't act all innocent," I seethed through clenched teeth. "You know what you did. _Jerk_."

He raked his fingers through his disheveled hair, every bit the nervous wreck that he appeared to be. "Enlighten me, please. I think you dented the door paneling."

"_You broke up with me_," I all but shouted, pointing in the direction of the journal. "In the forest. And you just left me there to wallow!"

"Oh," he said, his voice suddenly understanding. His hands relaxed on the steering wheel, though he still managed to hold onto his ever present _at-the-end-of-his-rope_ demeanor. "We get back together, you know."

"Obviously. You're my husband, aren't you?"

"Sorry," was his quiet reply.

I stared at him, eyes narrowing into thin slivers as I scrutinized his face. He did sound apologetic. Heartsick, even. Well, just so long as he felt bad about it and didn't plan on defending his actions, I wouldn't throw anything else at his head.

"Give me my journal back," I said, holding my hand out. Then, thinking perhaps I was a bit too demanding, I added a reluctant, "Please."

He rolled his eyes and dug between the door of the car and his seat to retrieve the journal. It was a mess, dented in the middle with several pages dislodged from the binding. I carefully went about making it right. It was the last of the three handwritten journals. I knew the story continued from there on a laptop that was sitting in the backseat. That was a good thing. The handwriting in the journals was starting to become illegible. Whether that was due to Bella's hand cramping from writing so much in such a short period of time or because it was an emotional subject for her, I couldn't say. I suspected it was a bit of both.

"I really am, Bella," said Edward in that same quiet voice.

"What?" I asked, smoothing the journal out with assiduous care, inwardly chiding myself for throwing it in the first place.

"Sorry," he clarified. "I've never intentionally hurt you – even when I lied to you that day and said I didn't love you, it was only meant to cause you less pain in the future. A quick, sharp pain to prevent more permanent damage. I sometimes get a bit crazy when it comes to you. I do things without thinking the consequences through. I think I'm being selfless, when really there's a lot more hurt going on than I realize."

"So I've heard."

Edward glanced over at me, questions in his eyes.

"Alice told me," I explained. "Back at the house. She said everyone's been very worried about you since I was turned. They didn't know what you were going to do. And Esme said something similar to me."

"My family worries too much. It's good we've left them behind for now."

"Are you ever going to tell me what's going on?"

"I really wish you would just finish the journals, Bella. It's too much information to just take in all at once. We've got a long flight to Italy ahead of us as soon as we get to Seattle. You'll have plenty of time to read."

"I still don't understand why we have to get to Italy."

"You will. Just read."

"Can you tell me the gist of it? I think that's fair, especially considering what happened back at the house. Who was that strange vampire in your room?"

Edward sighed and again raked his fingers through his hair – I could see that was a nervous habit of his. "Carlisle thinks he's the head of a secret mercenary group of vampires out of Old Prussia," he told me with obvious reluctance. "Though where they're centered now, no one knows. We don't know for certain if he's the leader of that group." Edward glanced over at me, his face sober and fraught with worry. "He might actually be the sole member of it. Acting alone under the guise of greater numbers, taking on followers only when he finds use for the added muscle. I'm not sure which is worse."

"He said something to me in the bedroom," I said.

Edward's hands tightened on the steering wheel, and the plastic moaned in protest.

"He said that he and I are old friends," I continued. "What did he mean by that?"

"We were on our honeymoon in Europe," said Edward in a very even tone. "I believe he was tailing us most of that time. He confronted us in Paris with a group of vampires who are now dead. You've only met him once before."

I watched his drawn face carefully. He hadn't really answered my question but had skirted around the issue. "You're hiding things from me again."

"Yes."

"Well, _stop it_."

"I don't want to frighten you."

"I think I need to be frightened a little. I could have fought him off or even killed him if I had known he was an enemy."

"You might be strong, Bella, but you haven't been trained in combat. I would rather you just run the other way."

"Just tell me ... _why_ is he after us?"

Again, Edward's words came slowly, as if he was editing and revising as he went, giving me a watered down version of events. "There are people in the world that had an interest in you becoming a vampire. A very keen interest – a potentially violent interest. You knew of the existence of vampires before you became one, and that's forbidden for humans. That vampire was hired by a group called the Volturi to ensure that you become one of us. He gave us an ultimatum, which we disregarded." Here Edward looked at me, his eyes fierce. "_You_ made the decision to become a vampire, Bella. No one forced you. My family and I made sure of that."

"But if I'm already a vampire, then what's the problem? Why is he still after us?"

Edward shook his head unhappily. "There are people in the world, Bella – especially vampires that have become bored with this life – who turn to games to amuse themselves. This vampire is one of them. He's playing with us because he thinks he can. It's a game to him."

"Does he have a name?"

"I doubt if it's his real one, but Carlisle tells me he's called Mikhail. Sometimes he's referred to as the Großmeister. That's German for Grandmaster – a reference to chess. But again, we don't know for certain if it's him. Let's ... let's just hope it isn't, all right?" He sounded as though he wanted to be wrong about Mikhail's identity, as if the possibility frightened him. He didn't explain his reasoning to me.

I didn't speak for a long moment. "Do you know other chess terms?" I asked hesitantly.

"Quite a few. Why?"

"What does _en prise_ mean?"

Edward turned his head slowly in my direction. "_Why?_" he repeated, his voice taking on a dangerous quality.

"He ... Mikhail said it last night. He told me to look it up and pass it onto you."

Edward flinched visibly – his eyelashes fluttering shut for just a second before he forced an unreadable mask on his face, probably for my benefit. That frightened me more than any talk of Grandmasters.

"What does it mean, Edward?" I pressed, growing upset.

He didn't answer me and instead shifted the gears of the car, pushing it faster along the wet stretch of highway.

A sign flew past us on the right-hand side at well over one hundred miles an hour: _Seattle 74 miles. _And getting closer by the second.

* * *

At the Seattle airport, Edward managed to get us last minute tickets to Florence, but the flight wasn't scheduled to leave until the next morning. He didn't seem very pleased about that; I felt a little sorry for the young airport employee behind the counter, who was obviously trying to figure out if she was attracted to or terrified of Edward.

He checked us into a hotel adjacent to the airport. It was a simple but comfortable room – just somewhere to pass the time with a little privacy, since neither of us required rest. He drew the curtains closed and began making calls to his family on his cell phone, explaining where we were and what flight we would be on.

I was left standing there, staring at the king-sized bed between us. It was the metaphorical equivalent of a giant elephant in the room, impossible to ignore the implications that came with it.

Thank God vampires didn't require sleep. I didn't know how I felt about lying my body down next to Edward's. The idea wasn't unpleasant by any means. Quite the opposite, really. But it still frightened me – the same way a first kiss might frighten someone who didn't know what to expect. Though I had obviously kissed Edward before and done other things that husbands and wives were known to do, I couldn't remember any of it. I was mentally still a virgin. His cautious embraces of the past day or so were all I knew of physical affection, and the gray area of the unknown was intimidating.

It wasn't until I set down my bag that I realized there was nowhere else to sit besides the bed. Damn it. Edward was pacing by the window, spilling out words of frustration to Carlisle. They were talking about Italy again; something about a vampire named Aro. Neither sounded pleased.

I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I had wanted to work a little more on manipulating my mental shield – to see if I could access whatever was blocking my memories from returning to me – but Edward's conversation was distracting. I knew I would never manage it if it wasn't dead quiet. I had tried to work on it a bit in the car, but found it nearly impossible, what with the constant shifting of passing headlights and the beating of the windshield wipers against the rain. The concentration required to even try was exhausting. How had Mikhail torn down that mental wall with such ease? It was unbelievably frustrating.

Before we had even left for Seattle, I had explained what had happened to Edward. I gave him the details of my brief and fleeting flood of memories cautiously, fearful of his reaction – or rather his overreaction. He took it better than I anticipated.

"At least we know now why you can't remember," he had said thoughtfully. "And we can work to help you control it. Bella, this is very good news."

I hadn't been so sure. "But when he broke down my shield, there were all these base instincts ready to slip out. I wanted to _kill something_. I couldn't think of anything else other than blood."

I remembered Edward shrugging a little, indifferent or perhaps just resigned. "I already expected all of that when you turned. I'll take it as an exchange if we can get your memories back. It will fade with time, and you'll be just like the rest of us when it does."

His words had made me angry. I didn't want to become some sort of mindless monster, even briefly. There had to be a way to manipulate the shield, to let my memories flow through and keep the bloodlust under control at the same time.

But I would have to work on that at another time. Even thinking about it wore me out, like I was standing at the foot of Mount Everest without ever having climbed anything before.

There was only one thing to do while we waited to leave for the airport. I sighed and pulled out the laptop Edward had given me – the one with the continuation of Bella's journals. I eyed Edward warily and sat down on the far side of the bed, stretching my legs out with the computer resting in my lap. I opened the lid and stared at the array of buttons for a long time. Edward was watching me out of the corner of his eye. He took pity on me and came to my side, pointing to a silver button at the top of the keyboard. I pressed it and smiled when the screen lit up.

The mechanics of using a computer came back to me with surprising ease, like remembering how to ride a bike when I didn't even know I knew how to ride a bike. Bella's journals were much easier to read in typed format. Her thoughts, while still burdened with obvious emotion, were clearer and better placed on the page now that her handwriting wasn't a factor. I quickly became engrossed, not even noticing when Edward's phone conversation ended. I did notice, however, when he came and lay down on the other end of the bed. He crossed his legs at the ankles and heaved a frustrated sigh, letting his eyes drift closed.

"Tired?" I asked, searching for conversation to battle the awkwardness I felt in his presence.

"No," he muttered. "Just thinking. Don't mind me."

I stared at him for a minute or two before I returned to reading – bolder in my gaze than I normally would have been because he couldn't see me looking at him. His arm was cast over his eyes, his long, tapered fingers curled naturally. His lips moved like he was rehearsing a conversation or trying to work out something in his head. My gaze focused on his lower lip, which was moist and almost swollen from biting it in nervousness. I had to fight the sudden urge to press my own lips against his to soothe them.

I felt like I should have been blushing at the very thought – that my body should have been engulfed in a fever the way Bella's often was when she was faced with Edward's natural sensuousness – but I suppose my new body wasn't capable of that warm pooling of blood anymore. Still, I'm sure my face held an expression of stunned panic. The absolute power he held over my body without even trying was almost embarrassing.

I turned my attention back to the laptop before he could notice my stare and forced myself to read. The words came into focus eventually, and I was transported to another world. What I read that happened in Bella's life – in my own life – during those months away from Edward disturbed me. Saddened me. I would like to say I wouldn't have fallen into such a state of despair and depression if faced with the same situation – if Edward left me now as he had left her then. But really, he was all I knew. He was my cornerstone, my only friend. I didn't know how I would react. I would like to say that I would be stronger than she was. Perhaps I would be, but then again, perhaps it would be worse. I hoped I would never have to find out.

Hours ticked by, and I all but forgot where I was as I read. Though I learned about new friends and about my father, who I had no memory of but already felt affection for, my eyes still sped across the screen in a panic until Edward was again part of the story. Then I was able to relax and read slower – taking particular care with that section because it contained names and places that I had heard in recent conversation. Italy, the Volturi, Aro.

What was happening now started to make a little more sense. And suddenly, I was filled with terror over the journey we were about to take. Surely it would be different now that I wasn't human, but Bella remembered it all with such chilling detail, I couldn't help but worry.

"What's wrong?" asked Edward in a quiet voice.

I glanced over at him, surprised when he spoke. I'd forgotten for a little while that I wasn't alone. He was lying on his side, staring at me, his eyes lined with deep purple shadows. He looked troubled, tired ... and absolutely beautiful. His hair was a mess, sticking up every which way except the way it was meant to, giving him a boyish look that was warm and alluring. The sudden desire to stretch my body out next to his washed over me.

"How long have you been staring at me?" I asked.

He shrugged a shoulder, pressing the hand that wasn't supporting his head flat to the mattress – almost like an invitation. "A while," was his simple reply. "My punishment, I suppose."

"What do you mean?"

"You just read about our separation, didn't you?" He paused, and I nodded in response to his question. "Your face," he explained. "You looked so sad as you were reading. Like your heart had been ripped out. Watching it was my punishment."

"Self-flagellation a hobby of yours or something?"

He smiled sadly, his eyes melting into something liquid and culpable. "You have a lot to forgive me for."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and said nothing in reply. I wasn't going to encourage him to beat himself up even more, and nothing I could say would make him truly feel better. Best to just let it lie and hope the subject would shift to other topics.

"Are you all right?" he asked. "You don't look sad anymore. You almost look frightened now."

"Well ... I know now why we're going to Italy. I guess I am a little frightened."

"Don't worry. Carlisle has already sent word. They're expecting us. You'll find they're sugary-sweet to your face – but they're spiders, the whole lot of them. They won't harm you, but don't let your guard down. And whatever you do, don't give them any indication that you want to join them. Just refuse politely. If they persist, keep refusing until you're blue in the face. Figuratively speaking, of course. They'll back down."

I nodded, the breath leaving my chest raggedly as I exhaled. "Do you think going there will do any good? This Mikhail... will he leave us alone?"

"I wish I knew. Try not to think about it."

"How long until we leave for the airport?"

"Just another hour. When the sun comes up behind the clouds. You'll feel it before you see it."

My eyes widened. Had we really been in the room for so long? I had deeply lost myself in the story. I tried to start reading again – but now that I was aware of his eyes on me, I could barely concentrate. It wasn't a creepy sort of stare. It was patient and kind with no hint of judgment. It was the sort of look you give someone when you know and trust them to the root of your being – when the mere sight of them comforted you, when there was nothing to hide behind the mirror of your eyes, so you laid it all out for the other to see.

And that was why I couldn't meet his gaze in kind. I didn't know him the way he knew me. I didn't love him the way he loved me.

Though I was certainly starting to.

Time would remedy that. I had little doubt. I no longer was in possession of the memories Mikhail had given me a brief glimpse of, but I remember understanding just how much Bella truly loved Edward. I already knew our story from the journals. The details – the personal claim to that story that made it reality instead of just words on a page – that was what was lost when Mikhail let my shield fall back into place.

The next part of the journal was almost painful to read – not because it was unpleasant – but because it held the particulars of Bella's reunion with Edward. The way they kissed and held each other, the details of his sweet ministrations, both physical and verbal ... it made me want to hide from the intensity of Edward's gaze.

Of all the moments for him to be watching my face...

I felt a warmth spread through me with each word I read – so unlike the cruel burning that had gripped me during my change into a vampire. This warmth was lulling, sexual, petrifying.

I made the mistake of looking at him, and my stomach promptly twisted into knots. His gaze had deepened immeasurably as he watched my face, and once he caught me in that web, I couldn't look away. Nervousness panged in my chest in place of a missing heartbeat.

He moved for the first time in hours, edging over in the bed toward me, lessening the distance between our bodies. He took the laptop from my numb fingers and leaned over me as he set it on the nightstand beside the bed. His arm brushed against mine as he did so, and my breath caught in my throat.

He coaxed me down onto the pillow using only the force of his eyes, like he had me in some sort of thrall. Then he laid his head down next to mine, on the same pillow, with his hand pressed down in the space between us. He let me grow comfortable before he began stroking my hair, smoothing it away from my face with the palm of his hand. The warmth in my body continued to spread as though his touch had brought me to life again. Our bodies were still separated by a small distance, but he was so close, I could somehow still feel him.

"I want to kiss you," he whispered, his breath mingling with my own. "I can't stop thinking about it."

But he didn't move to kiss me, and that was just cruel. I suppose he was waiting for me to react to his comment, to perhaps give him permission, but I wasn't sure how to. To leave me floundering there under his thrall, when I had no experience with these sort of things ... well, it wasn't very nice at all.

Perhaps he read the panic on my face because he smiled crookedly at me and slipped his arm under my neck, pushing himself up on his elbow so that he had my head nestled carefully in the crook on his arm. I shivered as our bodies came into contact and wondered if there would ever come a time when the feel of his skin didn't affect me so deeply. I hoped not. It was intoxicating.

He began to stroke my face with the tips of his fingers, flitting carefully over my lower lip then down my chin and throat until he pressed his hand flat over my collarbone – just above my breasts, where my heart used to beat. I half expected it to start right up again.

"May I?" he finally whispered, his lips parted, soft and supple.

I didn't trust myself to respond with words, so I angled my head up toward him, hoping he would catch my meaning. He did, but he smiled down at me before he did anything about it, pleased by my shy willingness.

Then he closed the small distance between our lips and kissed me full on the mouth, touching me lightly with his tongue before closing his lips against mine. The first kiss I had ever known.

Kissing Edward wasn't anything like Bella had described it. I don't know if it could be put into words, though bless her, she did try. No words could completely convey how special and perfect that simple physical exchange was. It was like we were having a conversation, whispering things to each other that no one else could possibly understand. Not one long kiss, but a never-ending series of gentle, brief kisses – growing deeper and hotter with every passing second. Our tentative connection solidified, as if we had somehow become one person in our minds, just by touching.

His lips weren't hard and unyielding as Bella had described them. They were achingly soft against my own, surprisingly warm instead of ice cold. He worked his mouth against mine with increasing urgency – long kisses now – his lips parting again, his tongue tracing the contours of my lips. I parted my lips in kind and let his tongue slide into my mouth. The kiss deepened into something impossibly more sensuous.

I gripped his shirt, and he complied at once, moving his body over mine until his narrow hips were nestled between my thighs. He broke off the kiss, and his lips immediately found a sensitive place on my neck. _Too sensitive_. Like it was somehow connected to every nerve ending in my body, especially the ones that ended at the base of my thighs. I writhed beneath him in pleasure as he nipped and suckled me there carefully, focusing all his attention in that one delicious spot. I wondered if that had been the place where he had bitten me when he changed me into a vampire and fully claimed me as his own.

It felt too good to take more than a little stimulation there in a single session. Unable to stand that focused concentration, I gripped him by his hair and brought him back to my mouth. The mood had shifted into something more critical, more primal, from the second his lips at touched that spot on my neck. I knew he felt it just as much as I did.

His hands slid down my body as we kissed, grazing with intent across my breasts, slipping under the fabric of my shirt so that he could claim the bare skin of my waist between his hands. But when he began to move his hips, grinding his hardness into me ... that's when I started to panic.

He sensed it immediately and stopped, lifting his head to stare down at me. His lips were red and swollen, his hair even more of a mess than it had be before. He looked guilty, like he had done something wrong. I touched his face to reassure him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Too much?" He said it like it was a question, but it wasn't one. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and apologized again and again. "I lost myself there for a moment."

I could relate. I pushed lightly against his chest, and he lifted off of me immediately. I got up from the bed, not looking at him. I smoothed my clothes back in place and tried to collect myself without much success. My lips were throbbing, my skin tingling like I had been electrocuted and had _liked it_.

All in all, I was a bit shell-shocked. But I had to stop. I had to walk away. I just _had to_.

"Sometimes I forget this is all so new to you," he continued, babbling now in his apprehension. "Please don't be angry."

"I'm not angry," I said, finally finding my voice. "I just ... _can't_. It's not right."

He looked at me for a moment before answering. "What do you mean, it's not right? You're my wife, Bella. If you're not ready to cross the line into sex, that's one matter entirely. I would never pressure you. But if there's another reason..."

"I can't just sleep with you, Edward. It's not that I don't want to. It's not fair. You're right there in front of me, all pretty and willing … but it's not _me_ you want."

His gaze darkened. "Bella, we've talked about this."

"Look," I said, trying again. He really didn't understand. "I know now that I really am Bella. Whatever that Mikhail guy did to me – I was able to see the truth for a second, and even though I don't remember what I saw, I know it's there somewhere inside of me. _She's_ there."

"She's right in front of me," said Edward evenly.

"Maybe. But not all of her. Edward, you deserve to have all of her. It should be your wife that you're making love to. Not just some willing participant. I can't do that to you or to her."

He was unearthly still as he stared at me, his jaw ticking in disapproval. "I'm not going to force anything on you, Bella. If you want to abstain until you get your memories back, that's fine. I just wish you would reconsider the specifics of your argument. Because you're dead wrong. You _are_ my wife. You're _Bella_, so stop referring to yourself in the third person. Now get back over here and lie down."

My eyes flew to his face, wide and a little surprised at his commanding tone. He seemed almost angry with me.

"I just want to hold you," he explained when I didn't budge an inch. His tone was gentler, but his eyes were still bright and fierce upon my face. "Come here, Bella."

I wasn't made of stone. I went to him, though I was uncertain as I padded back across the carpet toward him. He caught my wrist and pulled me back onto the bed beside him, hiding me in the shelter of his arms. Once I felt the tender pressure of his hands on me, I settled against him willingly, letting my body relax. "I really am trying," I whispered, burying my face in his neck. "I didn't mean to make you angry."

"I didn't mean to _get_ angry," he said, his tone apologetic. "I'm sorry. I'm just trying to reassure you, but I'm afraid I'm doing a rather clumsy job of it. But please, Bella. No more of this third person nonsense. No more referring to Bella as if she's someone else. Unless you really believe you're her, you're never going to be able to access those memories. You're never going to be able to figure out exactly why they locked themselves away behind your shield in the first place. Will you try for me? Just try to believe."

I sighed against his throat, letting my eyes drift shut. "I don't even know where to start."

His hands caressed the back of my head, his fingers tangling in my curls, and he pulled me away from his neck so that he could look me in the eyes. "Start here with me. Believe what I'm telling you. Believe that I love you and _know you_. Do you trust me?"

"Yes," I said without hesitation.

The corner of his mouth tugged upwards into a teasing smile. "Then what's the problem?"

He kissed me again, his lips just a whisper against my own, then let his eyes flutter open to gaze back at me again.

"I don't remember anymore," I admitted, aching to have his mouth against mine again.

I didn't have to wait long. I'm not certain who moved first, but our lips met somewhere in the middle – quieter and gentler than the first time, a patient understanding cocooning us, all expectations cast aside. We stayed like that, hopelessly tangled up in one another, until the sun rose behind the clouds outside.

* * *

To be continued.

**Author's Note**: Sorry about the lack of plot-driven action in this chapter. I felt it was high time for a little action of another kind. And just so everyone's on the same page – no, they didn't have sex at the very end. Just more kissing. (Nyah, cockblock'd lulz! But hey, I let the boy cop a feel, so don't be hatin.) ;) Hope you enjoyed.


	7. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes**: Long time, no see, eh? I've been working on an original novel, and it's in pretty good shape for the time being. I need a break at any rate. I've missed writing fanfiction and interacting with you all, so here I am. _Citizen Erased_ should be finished up in the next few chapters, and I hope to get them all out within the next week or so. I'll finish _The Small Print_ after that. I also have a new story I've been working on in my spare time. Sort of a rewrite of the ending of _New Moon_.

_Citizen Erased_ has been nominated at The Twilight Awards for Best Alternative BD and Best Angst/Drama. Angsty, me? *blinks innocently*

This chapter is looooong. Almost double the length that I usually post. Penance for the hiatus, I suppose.

**Rated**: PG-13. It will turn NC-17 before the story ends, for those of you who have been wondering. I've said it before ... I'm not called Coquette for nothing, you know. *wink*

***

**Citizen Erased  
**Written by Coquette

Chapter Eight

Edward made me drink more blood than I particularly wanted to before we drove to the airport. It turned out to be a wise thing to do. The concentrated scent of humans at the airport was maddening and impossible to get away from. I was again thankful that my mental shield enabled me to keep my bloodlust in check. All the same, Edward kept a tight grip on my hand and eyed my face cautiously every few minutes, making sure that I was still in control of myself.

"This is a very foolish thing to do," he told me as we maneuvered the terminals. "Just in case you were wondering. If it were anyone else but you..."

"I won't eat anyone," I promised. "Have a little faith."

The kiss he planted on my forehead indicated that he was trying his best.

I leaned into him as he drew me close, delighted with our newfound intimacy, with the comfort and security his unconditional love provided. I wondered if we would have any privacy on the plane, and if so, if there would be a repeat performance of the time we had just spent together in our hotel room, locked in each other's arms. I smiled at the prospect, eager to have him alone again.

I had no memory of airports or the plane rides I'd taken as a human, and as a result of that ignorance, I didn't understand things that seemed obvious to everyone else. Like why I had to take off my shoes in one line, pull my laptop out of its bag, then promptly put everything back in place again. Someone waved a flat, plastic wand at me before letting me through the line. Humans were very strange.

"Is something wrong with my shoes?" I whispered to Edward when we were free of the line.

"They just want to make sure the flight is safe," he replied. His voice was so quiet, I was certain that I was the only one that could hear him. "Little do they know that my carryon item is more dangerous than any shoe bomb."

"Your carryon item?"

He smiled down at me fondly. "Just don't snack on the pilot, all right? Or the passengers. I haven't landed a plane in years, and I'm a little rusty."

I expected our plane to be the size of the large jets we saw through the terminal windows and was surprised when we boarded a much smaller, sleeker craft. The lush cabin was dimly lit, easy on my sensitive eyes. The cushy, leather seats were paired in twos down the aisle, most of them empty. There were only a handful of other people on the plane with us, spread out sparsely amongst the seats. Most of them had the bored-but-entitled look of the wealthy.

"A semi-private jet is better than nothing," said Edward as we took our seats. "Expensive, not to mention rather flamboyant, but we'll be more comfortable this way. And you'll be more likely to resist temptation. It's a long flight."

I sniffed, irritated. "You underestimate me."

"It's not that, Bella. You've proven that you can control yourself. I'm just trying to make it easier for you. _And_ me. You forget that I'm a vampire, too."

He was right, of course. The smell of half a dozen humans was much easier to bear than the hundreds that were in the terminals. Even Edward looked relieved to be free of the place. When I noticed the purple shadows under his eyes, I remembered that he hadn't joined in hunting with his brothers and sisters back in Forks because he had stayed behind with me.

"You struggle with the bloodlust, too?" I asked, my voice soft.

Edward sighed as he reached across to pull down the window shade. "Every day."

***

I read the journal for most of the flight, though the stewardess asked several times if I wanted to sleep. I politely refused the proffered pillow, though Edward accepted, mostly for show I imagined. He never fully closed his eyes but rather watched me through his thick eyelashes as I read. Every now and then, he would fiddle with a piece of my hair or trace the length of my collarbone with his fingers. It was unbelievably distracting, though not unwelcome in the least. Not only did I find pleasure in his small touches, but it was the only time the worry over the situation with Mikhail and the Volturi slipped from his face. In that respect, it was a welcome distraction for us both.

"You're not a very good actor, you know," I teased him. "Aren't you supposed to be pretending to sleep?"

"I'm very good when I want to be," he whispered back, and I shivered in pleasure when he pressed his lips to the bite scar on my neck. How I loved it when he kissed me there. "My mind is elsewhere at the moment, I'm afraid."

He lifted his face to mine and caught me in a series of soft kisses. When he pulled back, I noticed his eyes were sparkling mischievously. "Tell me," he began, fighting against a grin. "Have you read the bit in your journals about the plane ride we took to our honeymoon?"

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "I haven't gotten to that yet."

For some reason that made him chuckle. "Hmm. Perhaps you shouldn't. I wouldn't want you to get any ideas. At least not until we're safely on land." He laughed again, probably at my confused expression, but didn't elaborate further. After another languid kiss that made my head spin, he let me get back to reading. It took a considerable amount of effort to concentrate, what with him holding my hand, tracing patterns into my palm with the tip of his finger. Somehow I managed.

Edward had told me earlier that my vampire eyes were able to read faster than any human eyes could, the same way we could speak and move faster. As a result, I was close to finishing the long journal as the plane drew nearer to our destination. I learned more of the Volturi and their laws, more about the Cullens and my other friends and family in Forks. I also learned more about my marriage to Edward, our honeymoon, and a great deal more than I expected to about our sex life after marriage.

I skipped those parts, embarrassed, particularly because Edward was sitting right next to me, still watching me with adoring eyes. I did, however, read about the plane ride we'd taken to Scotland, curious as to what he was referring to. Edward's laughter rang out in the quiet cabin when he saw the panicked look on my face. I skipped ahead again, so mortified that I sank down in my seat and turned my face away from him. He murmured an apology in my ear, though his voice was still thick with amusement. He nuzzled me, tickling my ribs with his fingers until he had me laughing, too. It was a little funny.

Part of me wished that I could remember the honeymoon, to really know what it felt like to make love to Edward instead of just reading about it. But the intimate details of our honeymoon were something I wasn't ready to deal with yet. Perhaps someday soon that would change.

I read the journal until I got to the part when Mikhail entered the picture, cornering Edward and Bella in a train in Paris. Five minutes later, I closed the laptop lid and pushed it aside until I could calm down. My hands were shaking, and I found myself angrier than I could ever remember being.

"What's wrong?" asked Edward when he saw the change in my demeanor. "I didn't upset you, did I?"

"No," I said evenly. "I was reading about what happened in Paris. When Mikhail and his men took you away."

A black look kindled in Edward's eyes, and then he turned his gaze away from me for the first time since we had gotten on the airplane. "Oh."

I couldn't think of what to say. I wanted to cry and couldn't manage it. I wanted to scream, to hit something, but that would hardly be wise while flying over the ocean. I would have to remain calm. There was, after all, a constructive way I could dispel my fury. Simply put, I was going to kill Mikhail the next time I laid eyes on him. I knew now that he had hurt Edward, and for that, Mikhail was going to die.

"What did he do to you?" I asked Edward after I found my voice. "When they took you away from Bella for that day? The journals say they hurt you physically somehow, but you never told Bella the specifics."

"You mean, I never told _you_ the specifics," corrected Edward, still not looking at me. "I thought you were going to stop referring to yourself in the third person?"

"You're avoiding the question."

"Noticed that, did you? Sorry. I don't want to talk about it. Perhaps after I've dismembered him."

I let the issue drop for the time being because the subject was obviously an unwelcome one. What I didn't say out loud was, _Not before I dismember him first_.

***

The plane landed in Florence, and we had to rent a car in order to drive south toward Volterra. I was anxious and more than a little restless after the long flight. Though I stared at the rough but beautiful terrain of the passing countryside, I barely saw it. Perhaps I would be able to enjoy it more after our meeting with the Volturi or after the threat of Mikhail was eliminated, preferably at my own hands.

When we reached the walled city, Edward secured us a nice hotel room, but we only stopped there long enough to put our bags in the room. Outside, the setting sun was safely enclosed behind approaching storm clouds, and Edward was just as eager as I was to get this over with. No need to put it off any longer. I accepted his hand, took a deep breath to fortify my courage, and we took to the narrow, winding streets on foot.

Volterra was lovely in twilight. Though I'd read about it in the journals, Bella's mind had been preoccupied with finding Edward at the time. She hadn't taken much time to observe anything except that which stood as an obstacle between her and her goal. I saw the Palazzo dei Priori, the clock tower that Bella had raced against, and the wide, square fountain that she had waded across in her desperation to get to Edward. It bothered me more than I let on that none of it held any familiarity for me.

Edward squeezed my hand, and I looked up into his face to read an expression there I was growing accustomed to seeing. He wanted to know what I was thinking about. I realized how frustrating it must be to know the thoughts of everyone he encountered with the singular exception of his wife.

"Just wondering where the entrance is," I said, answering his silent question. It was a partial truth – good enough. "I didn't read this part of the journal very carefully. I was a little anxious by that point. You know ... wanting to know how it all ended up."

He smiled, but I could see the apprehension in his face though he was striving to mask it, probably for my benefit. "There's more than one entrance. The tunnels are the closest. But you should know that they're sending someone out to escort us. They were watching for our approach. I can hear their thoughts. It would comfort me if I could hear yours right now. Are you frightened?"

"No."

"Liar," he whispered as he slipped his arm around my waist. "We're going to be fine. Take care now. They're within earshot."

Though the plaza was poorly lit in the failing light, we easily caught sight of two figures emerging from an alley. The wind shifted, stirring their capes, drawing their scent in our direction. They smelled distinctly of human blood, and their eyes glowed a brighter crimson than even my own. They had fed recently, I realized. I knew to expect that of the Volturi, but being directly confronted with it bothered me.

"Felix," said Edward in greeting, nodding his head curtly. "Demetri."

"Carlisle sent word to expect you," said the bulkier one with the black hair. I remembered from the journals that he was Felix. Demetri merely stared at us, his body leaning back in the direction they'd come from, as if he was anxious to return.

They both turned and walked back toward the alley without another word. Apparently we were meant to follow, though their greeting hadn't been particularly welcoming. I hesitated, and if it hadn't been for Edward's reassuring arm at my waist, I probably wouldn't have followed.

The tunnels beneath the city were not as Bella described them, but I suppose that's because she was a human at the time. I didn't find them particularly cold, nor did the dampness or the uneven stones beneath my feet bother me. The arched walls were easy for me to see, even in the darkness. Still, I felt every bit as uncertain as she had when she had made this same journey, though I was much better prepared for this meeting than she had been, thanks to her account in her journal. She'd gone into this blind, poor girl.

Felix glanced back at us only once. "She's quicker this time," he noted, his tone mocking. "And quieter."

When we emerged from the tunnels, we were ushered down a long hallway and into an elevator. I recognized my surroundings from the descriptions in the journals but the vague familiarity offered me no comfort. When we stepped from the elevator, I looked around the reception area expectantly for the human woman I'd read about, Gianna. I frowned and slowed my pace when I realized there was a young human male in a suit behind the desk where Gianna should have been. What had her fate been, I wondered? The human got to his feet and smiled nervously as we entered. Though I returned the gesture, Edward glared at him, reading who-knows-what in his thoughts. Felix and Demetri ignored him entirely.

We were ushered forward in silence until we reached a large round chamber made of ancient stone. There, the Volturi stood, waiting for us. I eyed them, feeling dread build in the pit of my stomach. Though I couldn't remember ever laying eyes on any of them, I recognized a few of them well enough from Bella's descriptions. Three of them stood apart from the others, turned toward each other as if we'd interrupted a conversation. Aro, Caius, and Marcus, from the look of it. I only had to study them for a moment before I decided who was who. Their bodyguards lingered close to them.

Aro's milky eyes brightened when we entered the room, his onion skin crinkling in a spider-like smile. The sight of him simultaneously terrified and intrigued me.

"My young friends," he said, crossing the room so smoothly, it was as if he was floating rather than walking. "How delighted I was when Carlisle sent word that you were to pay us a visit."

Aro was the only one that stepped forward to greet us. Marcus was disinterested; Caius was a little _too_ interested, though he remained silent. The others hovered in the background, not bothering to hide their curious and sometimes hostile stares. I distinguished Jane easily from the others and caught her glowering at me intently, her perfect lips puckered in an expression of frustration. Edward noticed and exhaled sharply in anger, fixing her with a hot glare. It took me a second to realize that she was trying to use her mental power of torture on me. My shield held and kept her out, thank goodness. I held her gaze until she looked away.

Oblivious to the exchange, or perhaps indifferent to it, Aro addressed me with absolute delight in his voice. "Lovely," he breathed, eyeing me up and down appreciatively. "Just as I knew you would be. The change suits you, my dear."

He reached to take my hand, and I offered it to him without thinking, forgetting for a moment that touch was Aro's way of reading someone's thoughts. Edward stiffened beside me but relaxed a fraction when Aro sighed in dissatisfaction.

"Still resistant to my powers, I see," said Aro, loosening his hold on my hand. "How disappointing. I suppose you're still unable to read her mind as well, Edward?"

"That's correct," Edward replied, his tone much less congenial than Aro's. "And I suppose you know the reason we're here?"

"Carlisle was brief but to the point," said Aro. "I understand you're having a bit of trouble with a certain tracker. The Großmeister."

Edward nodded, his expression hard. "He claims he's acting under your orders, that he was sent by you to ensure that Bella became a vampire. The ultimatum he presented was quite stringent. As you can see, Bella has undergone the transformation as you requested. Yet this Mikhail still pursues us. He seeks Bella out in particular. I want to know why we have to endure this continued intrusion into our lives. We have done everything you asked of us."

Aro listened carefully, but rather than replying, he reached out his hand to Edward, beckoning him to take it. Edward eyed the outstretched hand with suspicion, obviously hesitant to open up his memories in that way.

"Your explanation is insufficient," said Aro. "I need to fully understand what he's done to you. I need to see it for myself."

It was likely Aro just wanted to access to all of Edward's thoughts, along with the thoughts of everyone else that Edward had ever heard mentally. Edward likely knew that just as well as I did but was left with little choice. He reached out, though his expression clearly told of his displeasure.

Aro accepted his hand with eagerness, and he let his transparent eyelids flutter closed as he concentrated on the flood of memories. The silent exchange took longer than I expected, and Aro took it in almost like an addict presented with his drug of choice.

When his eyes opened at last, he was frowning, and he looked at me in astonishment. "You've lost your memories."

I nodded, uncomfortable under his filmy gaze.

"Most unusual," he said, turning to face Edward. "And you think it's likely a side effect of her powers, do you?"

"Mikhail proved that when he broke into our _home_ and _cornered her_," replied Edward, the anger in his voice pointed. It was evident who he blamed for the trouble we'd found ourselves in of late.

"I had no idea," said Aro. "Truly. My mind is open to you, Edward. Read the truth for yourself. I've never met the Großmeister face to face. This Mikhail, as you call him. Caius was the one that commissioned his services. If you remember, Caius was particularly keen on Bella's future as a vampire."

Edward's glare shifted toward Caius, his anger crackling in the room like electricity. "Strange. I remember him being more interested in her death."

"Caius acted in the interest of us all," interjected Aro, his voice ever pleasant. "The law did claim her. All the same, Edward, the Großmeister was only sent to you as a messenger. He was instructed not to harm you."

"He was instructed not to _kill_ us," corrected Edward. "There's a distinct difference."

"Perhaps my original message was not conveyed the way I instructed." Though the words were repentant, Aro's voice had a patronizing edge to it.

"If that's the case, then we ask merely that you intervene and set right this ... _misunderstanding_." Edward said the word through clenched teeth.

"Perhaps you should not have killed Mikhail's men," Aro replied. "Have you considered the possibility that his actions are revenge for your hastiness?"

"They were going to force Bella," Edward seethed. "And do who knows what else to my family. Did you really expect us not to protect ourselves?"

"Bella was never forced to become a vampire," corrected Aro with a bright chuckle. "She could just as easily have chosen death. Let's not overreact, hmm?"

I balked at the jolly statement. Edward's mood shifted to a darker place than it had already been, but somehow, he remained calm. "Will you help us or not?" he asked, his voice suddenly quiet.

"What exactly am I supposed to do?" asked Aro, still smiling brightly.

"Call him off of our trail." Edward looked at Caius again. "Or you. You're the one that hired him."

"His contract with us ended the moment he delivered our message," said Caius in a bored tone. "Any further contact with you is most likely of a personal nature and not of our concern."

"Not your concern?" echoed Edward in disbelief. "It's your fault he caught her scent in the first place."

Aro raised his hands to interrupt. "You know how fond I am of you, Edward. Perhaps you would consider a trade? His death for your companionship. After all, if you joined the Volturi and the Großmeister were to interfere with you again, well then it would absolutely concern us all. I'll have him put to death immediately."

Edward was shaking his head before Aro finished speaking. "You know I can't do that. If you won't aid us, I'll have to find a way to kill him myself."

Caius gave a quiet snort. "Not likely. Though it will be interesting to watch you try."

"Do reconsider, Edward," pressed Aro. "And you, Bella. The invitation to join us is always open to you as well."

I scanned the other faces in the room, and it was evident that most of them did not share Aro's enthusiasm over us joining their ranks. "No," I replied politely, the way had Edward instructed me to. "Thank you."

Aro looked crestfallen for a moment, but it was short-lived, as though he already knew the answer before we'd spoken it. "You know, there is a very simple solution to this problem. But of course, I've seen in your thoughts that you're already aware of it, Edward. You were wise to bring Bella here if it's a tracker you're avoiding."

I looked up at Edward expectantly for an explanation, but it was Aro that provided it to me.

"Hunting in our city is forbidden," he told me in a sing-song voice, as if speaking to a child. "That's something you should be keenly aware of, Bella, since this is your first visit to Volterra as a vampire. That includes hunting of _any kind_, my dear. Human prey _or_ vampire. You see, when vampires engage in combat with one another, it's rather ... disruptive. And since we like to remain in the shadows here, the law requires that we eliminate that which _disturbs_."

"So if Mikhail attempts to fight with one of us while in Volterra..." said Edward.

I was starting to catch on. "Then the Volturi will stop him."

Aro beamed at us both like a proud schoolmaster. "As the law requires. I hope you recognize that the Volturi are your friends, but I must also impress upon you that the same condition that binds the tracker binds the both of you as well. While you are in our city, I would suggest being mindful of your behavior. In other words, if this Mikhail fellow does confront you while in the city, it would be unwise to ... oh, how do you Americans phrase it? Throw the first punch?"

In the background, Caius rolled his eyes heavenward. Marcus's gaze was fixed on the floor, and I wondered if he was even listening.

"We won't forget," promised Edward, putting a gentle hand on the back of my neck. "We should be going, then. Thank you for taking the time to meet with us."

Aro held up his hands in distress. "Come now, Edward. Must you go soon? We've barely begun our visit. Stay and feast with us. We can send Heidi outside the city walls to fetch ... something to celebrate with." He laughed and clapped his bloodless hands, as if he'd told a good joke. "After all, I've seen in your thoughts that Bella has yet to taste of the glories of human lifeblood. She should experience it at least once and decide for herself if abstaining is truly worth it."

Edward's face was displeased, but he surprised me when he didn't refuse Aro outright. Instead, he turned to me, indicating that it was my choice.

"Thank you for the offer," I said, smiling at Aro even though I didn't particularly want to. "But I already know it's worth it."

Aro was taken aback by this. "Truly remarkable, that gift of yours," he mused. "I've never seen your equal, at least in terms of self-control." He turned his eyes upon Edward, though still addressed me with his words. "Well, my dear, you certainly have found yourself in the right company. But I wonder if things would be different should you ever stray from it?"

***

It was raining by the time we reached the streets again – a light but steady downpour that turned the dust on the streets into a thin, red mud. Still dry beneath the building's overhang, I stared up into the dark sky with wide eyes, amazed that not only could I see each individual rain drop falling from the heavens, but I could also see the drops beading together and forming in the clouds. I stood motionless, mesmerized at the sight, remembering myself only when Edward spoke.

"Let's hail a taxi," he said, eyeing the sky with far less wonder than I did. "I don't care to walk in the rain all the way to the hotel."

"We could always run," I suggested. "We won't get that wet if we're quick. The rain is light enough." The truth was that I didn't want to be in a car, not when the night air was so refreshing, so different from the Volturi's oppressive stone chamber. How glad I was to be free of the place.

Edward shook his head in reply. "Remember what Aro said. Under no circumstances should you exhibit your vampire strength or speed in this city. They'll be watching us closely until we leave, so try to act as human as possible. Humans usually find other methods of transportation when walking isn't practical."

"Act human?" I echoed sullenly. I felt a bit childish but didn't care. "That's easy for you to say. I don't remember _being_ human."

His expression softened, though his eyes were fierce as they took me in. "You're doing just fine," he said in a gentle voice, hugging me close.

I exhaled slowly as I leaned into him, comforted by his touch. His reassuring presence relaxed away a little of the tension brought about by the events of the last twenty-four hours, though not all of it.

I'm not certain why, but the humidity in the air made his scent stand out more to me. It embraced me just as surely as his arms did. I pressed my face into his shoulder and inhaled his scent deeply, delighted when he did the same to me.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Bella," he whispered into my hair, probably sensing how fragile I felt at that moment. "Remember that Mikhail can't do anything to harm us while we're here, at least not out in the open."

I heard something in his voice that made me suspicious, and when I pulled back to look into his face, I saw it in his eyes, too. "What aren't you telling me?"

Edward's answering smile was brittle. "I'm just thinking ahead, is all. Trackers are tricky, and Mikhail is definitely more intelligent than most. He'll figure out something eventually. But staying here for the present will give me a little time to plan and figure out how to ferret him out of the shadows, hopefully into a trap of my own making."

"You really think he's going to follow us all the way to Italy?"

"I'm convinced of it," Edward replied grimly. "But never mind that for now. We'll worry about that when the time comes. And besides, I can't think of anywhere else on the planet where we'd be safer. Let's go back to the hotel and ... get comfortable."

If I was capable of blushing, the look on his face definitely would have set my skin ablaze. I knew all too well that a simple _yes_ from me would result in a night of love-making back at the hotel. Edward was convinced that I was his wife, his Bella. Why shouldn't he make love to her? It was tempting, so very tempting, but could I really let myself go there? I knew that he wouldn't push if I told him no, but I was having trouble remembering the reasons I had refused him in the first place.

"Shall we go, then?" he asked, lifting his eyebrows at me.

I nodded, trying to keep my breathing even the way a human would. It took quite a bit of concentration.

Edward lifted his hand to hail the rain-speckled taxi that was parked across the street, the engine idling, steam curling upward from the exhaust. The windshield wipers were off, and the dark windows were blurred in the rain. The driver flipped on the headlights, most likely indicating that had seen Edward hail him. The light bounced off of every raindrop between us and the taxi, creating twin halos of light around the vehicle. Every color of the rainbow reflected off of the raindrops.

Edward and I both squinted and turned our eyes away from the blinding light. Vampire eyes might see remarkably well in the darkness, but with that came a brief sensitivity when sudden, brilliant light was introduced. It was as if my pupils were fully dilated in order to see in the darkness, letting too much light into my eyes.

Arm in arm, we started for the taxi, but before we could cross the street, Edward suddenly stopped and spun around as if someone had called his name. I didn't hear what caught his attention. He frowned deeply, and his arms fell away from me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, trying to read his face.

It took him a moment to reply, as if he was listening to something that I wasn't able to hear. Probably someone's thoughts, I decided. "Go get in the taxi," he said finally, his tone strange. "I'll be right back. I want to check something."

"Check what?" I called after him as he slipped away. "Edward?"

He didn't stop to explain, but I could see from the set of his shoulders that whatever it was, it concerned him more than he wanted to let me know. The rain fell upon me, soaking my hair and clothes. I grit my teeth and turned toward the taxi, frustrated with Edward's habit of keeping me in the dark. I would have to talk to him about that when we got to the hotel.

Still keeping my eyes averted from the headlights, I jogged toward the taxi with what I hoped was human speed. I slipped into the backseat breathlessly, shaking raindrops from my hair as I looked up to smile at the driver. "My husband will just be a--"

My words faltered, mid-sentence.

I smelled him before I saw him, but by then it was too late. The vehicle was already moving, accelerating into motion before I could even gasp.

"Really..." lamented Mikhail, turning around to face me from the driver's seat. "Is he always that easy to distract? You two are making this far too easy for me. Hardly any sport in it at all."

***

To be continued

**A/N** – If you have a moment, please let me know what you thought. I'm usually not this needy for encouragement, but I'm a little rusty, I'm afraid! Hope you enjoyed. The next part will be out soon.

By the way, if you're confused about the plane right I refer to at the beginning of this chapter – the one Edward and Bella took to their honeymoon – you can find the scene in the prequel _Spiral Static_. Chapter four, I think. Just a warning, though. It's naughty.


	8. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes**: Another long chapter. A few of the comments I've received from the previous chapter had to do with why Edward didn't know Mikhail was in the taxi. Previous chapters mentioned Mikhail's gift, which is the ability to manipulate the gifts of others. Because of this, Edward can't hear Mikhail's thoughts unless Mikhail allows him to. Mikhail is also a gifted tracker and knows how to hide his scent if he needs to. Additionally, there might be a little more to Mikhail's gifts than has been revealed yet. ;) Hope that clears up some of the confusion.

***

Previously...

_Still keeping my eyes averted from the headlights, I jogged toward the taxi with what I hoped was human speed. I slipped into the backseat breathlessly, shaking raindrops from my hair as I looked up to smile at the driver. "My husband will just be a--"_

_My words faltered, mid-sentence._

_I smelled him before I saw him, but by then it was too late. The vehicle was already moving, accelerating into motion before I could even gasp._

"_Really..." lamented Mikhail, turning around to face me from the driver's seat. "Is he always that easy to distract? You two are making this far too easy for me. Hardly any sport in it at all."_

*******

**Citizen Erased  
**Written by Coquette

Chapter Nine

I was so stunned by Mikhail's sudden appearance that I found myself only able to stare at him blankly. That lasted for approximately two seconds. Then the rage overtook me. I could taste the fury – a dry, fiery heat in the back of my throat, burning like thirst. I grit my teeth, nails digging into the upholstery as I addressed the object of my hatred in low, ominous tones.

"You..." I broke off, so angry, I could barely form sentences.

Mikhail's answering smile was smug. "Me."

"My husband is following us," I pointed out, trying to remain calm. "Don't doubt that."

Mikhail chuckled, his amber eyes glinting at me in the rearview mirror. "Yes, I know. I'm rather counting on it, actually."

"And how long do you suppose it will take him to catch up with us? Not that it matters one little bit if he's here or not."

"Running at human speed? About one minute and twenty seconds."

I cursed under my breath. I had forgotten that Edward wouldn't be able to pursue us at his full speed, not in Volterra where we had to hide our vampire strengths. It seemed Mikhail was fully aware of that limitation. Still, he didn't appear concerned by it. He didn't even attempt to speed through the winding streets of Volterra to put a greater distance between us and Edward. Still, what could Edward do even if he managed to catch up with us? He couldn't exactly tip the car over or stop it with his hands any more than I could open the door and jump to safety. We could manage it, of course, but that would garner dangerous attention if the wrong people were watching. We would have to play this carefully.

"Stop the car, or I'll stop it myself by ripping your head off your shoulders," I ordered. "I'm fully capable of protecting myself without my husband around, you smug little-"

It was an empty threat, and he seemed to know it. Mikhail started to laugh but broke off short when I grabbed a fistful of his coal black hair and twisted it cruelly. "_Now_," I growled through my teeth.

He glanced back at me, vaguely impressed by my forwardness, though to my vexation, he also appeared completely undaunted. Still, he brought the taxi to a stop a moment later, so I loosened the death grip I had on his hair. I took a quick, speculative look around and saw that we'd come to a stop in a busy plaza I'd seen on my walk through the city earlier. Mikhail cut the engine and turned around in his seat to face me, smiling at me as if he knew something that I didn't.

"Get out of the car," I snarled, reaching for the door handle.

He raised his eyebrows suggestively. "Only if you do."

It was still raining when I emerged from the taxi, panting heavily with anger, but I didn't care about getting wet. I kept my attention locked on Mikhail and nothing else. He slid from the vehicle with feline grace, his eyes never breaking their hold on me. The look on his face was triumphant, as if he'd won a game I didn't even know we were playing. Did he have any idea how angry Edward was going to be when he caught up to us? Exactly what did Mikhail expect to do to me, a strong newborn vampire, in the remaining thirty seconds he had alone with me? I didn't understand why he'd gone to so much trouble just to take me on a two minute joyride to nowhere.

It wasn't until I caught the concentrated scent of humans did it really register what Mikhail had done. Edward and I had emerged from the Volturi's lair by way of a side exit that let out onto a dark, secluded street with barely a person in sight. In contrast, this plaza was probably the most crowded part of the city, at least at that time of day. It was dinnertime in Volterra, and there were a variety of bars and restaurants all around us, their doors open, people seated inside as well as on outdoor patios, shielded from the rain by awnings and patio umbrellas. Music filled the streets, along with the jovial conversation of the restaurant patrons.

In other words, we had an enormous audience. Mikhail had brought me to a location where I wouldn't be able to attack him without drawing immediate attention. On the plus side, it also meant that he couldn't attack me here either, not unless he wanted to be killed by the Volturi. What was he up to? Though I felt certain of my safety, I didn't trust him enough to let my guard down one little bit, even when I heard Edward's footfalls rapidly approaching from the distance. He would be here in less than thirty seconds. How he must despise being forced to run so slowly.

"You're going to regret this," I said to Mikhail in a low voice, backing away from him as he came around the car towards me. "Why did you bring me here, of all places? What was the point of taking me if you knew Edward would just follow right after us?"

Mikhail looked over my shoulder pointedly. "Well, I needed him to follow _blindly_, didn't I? He'd hardly follow if I merely asked him to, even if I said _pretty please_." He gestured a gloved hand toward a nearby restaurant. "Shall we, my dear?"

My reply was decidedly less polite than the request. "Like hell."

"Hmm. Well, feel free to discuss the invitation with your husband before you follow. I trust you know the laws of Volterra well enough to know you're safe here. You know where I'll be should you and your husband decide to join me."

With a small bow of his head, Mikhail turned toward the restaurant gracefully, his long black coat sprinkled with raindrops. I kept my eyes on him until he melted into the restaurant, lost amongst the press of human bodies. My fingers itched for violence, but what could I do? Gritting my teeth, I wheeled around to face Edward, who had come to a stop behind me. He was surprisingly calm, but his face was unrecognizable – a mask of stone. I knew him well enough to recognize that the calmness was a façade, barely managing to conceal his abject fury.

"Why did you leave me alone like that?" I accused. "You just up and disappeared without any kind of explanation!"

Edward exhaled sharply, annoyed with himself. "He called to me from an alley behind us. When I sent you to the taxi, I thought I was sending you away from the conflict, not toward it."

"I didn't hear anything," I argued, not following his meaning. "And Mikhail was in the taxi, not an alley. He couldn't have been in both places."

"He called to me in my thoughts, which is why you didn't hear him," Edward explained. "Led me in the wrong direction. I could see the alley in his mind. I could see him watching us from that angle, not from the taxi's. I know he's able to block my ability to read minds, but I didn't know he could also manipulate it to alter what I see and hear. There's more to him than I realized at first. Caius's faith in Mikhail's abilities is starting to make a bit more sense."

"He wants us to go into the restaurant after him. I can't tell if it's a trap or not. I think he just wants an audience so we don't rip him to shreds."

"It's always a trap with him," said Edward. "But I can't just walk away now, and he knows it. To be able to talk to him, to figure out what he's after and maybe even identify a weakness or two ... I can't pass that up. Perhaps you should go back to the hotel. I can deal with him myself." Edward looked at me with a mixed expression; his eyes pleaded with me, but the set of his mouth said he knew that I would refuse. He was right.

"Yes, because splitting up has worked for us so well in the past. Do you really think I'm going to leave you here by yourself? I'm not some weakling, Edward. You keep forgetting that I can take care of myself."

"Physical strength means little to him, Bella. I have the feeling he's not very strong physically. He overcompensates too much with his brain. It's a mind game he's after, not a fight."

I raised my eyebrows. "Well, it's a good thing I have a shield in my mind then, isn't it?"

Edward raked his fingers through his hair, frustrated and torn. I knew he didn't want me in there, but he was also unwilling to leave me alone again. I offered him my hand to reassure him and with a sigh, he took it. But instead of heading toward the restaurant, he pulled me into a tight embrace, tucking my head under his chin. "If at any time you feel afraid or like you're not in control, I want you to get up from the table and walk away." He paused and kissed the top of my head. "There's nothing he can do to stop us from leaving. We'll seek refuge with the Volturi if it gets to be too much."

I nodded but couldn't help the shiver that ran down my spine when we turned toward the restaurant, hand in hand. I wasn't sure who frightened me more – Mikhail or the Volturi. "Out of the frying pan, into the fire," I muttered.

We found him at a table in the center of the room, watching us with a beatific smile as he traced the lip of a crystal wine glass with his finger. Edward held a chair out for me, placing me as far away from Mikhail as possible. The table was circular, which meant I was seated directly across from him. It was difficult to avoid his probing gaze. Edward pulled his chair close and put his hand over mine, his thumb tracing over my wedding ring. The gesture calmed my nerves minutely.

"I took the liberty of ordering us a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon," said Mikhail pleasantly, gesturing to the bottle on the table. "For appearances sake, of course. I must say, Mr. Cullen, I'm so very glad you moved our little game to Italy. Of course, castling your chess pieces indicates that you've begun to panic, but it was a good move all the same. Bravo. And of course, it allows us to talk out in the open like this without worrying about a fight breaking out between us."

Edward's stone-like mask didn't waver. "What do you want from us?"

Mikhail's eyes shifted to me, though he spoke to Edward. The attention sent a fresh thrill of fear through me. "Want from you? Why nothing. Have I somehow given you the impression that I'm after something?"

Edward and I spoke the answer simultaneously. "Yes."

Mikhail flashed his teeth at me. "Perhaps you're right. But I'm hardly going to reveal that to you, am I?"

"Don't look at her," Edward snapped in a low voice.

Mikhail didn't listen. He kept his eyes on me as he swirled the dark liquid in his glass. "Do you know what I like best about you, Mr. Cullen? Your blind devotion. How you rush in headfirst to protect your wife from the smallest hint of danger, whether it be real or imagined. It's your chief weakness, and it makes you terribly easy to manipulate. I'm telling you this, of course, because I don't like easy games. No challenge in it, you see. Do try to use your head from now on."

"We're not interested in playing games with you," said Edward. "I want this to stop now."

"And end our friendship so soon?" lamented Mikhail. "We've barely gotten to know one another."

"What's your story, anyway?" demanded Edward. "You're unlike any vampire I've ever met. Your eyes, for instance. They're not red. You don't feed on humans."

"Correct. But that hardly makes me unique, Mr. Cullen. They're the same color as your own."

"All the same, you've also said that you detest violence," Edward pressed. "There has to be some shred of humanity in you. So why do you keep trying to play games with us?"

"I detest _physical_ violence," corrected Mikhail. "I trust you know the difference from our first meeting with each other."

Edward's jaw tensed, his eyes narrowing. "Why only physical? Don't the same principles apply to other forms of violence?"

"Oh, principles have nothing to do with it," said Mikhail. "I dislike getting my hands dirty. Well, in a literal sense, at any rate. Killing humans is rather messy, isn't it? Blood and bile flying this way and that. Humans screaming, cursing, frothing at the mouth, soiling their garments. It's very uncouth, wouldn't you agree? I like to think I've evolved past the need for such things. Animals are much simpler creatures. They understand the circle of life and don't make nearly the fuss that humans do."

"So it's not out of regard for human life?" asked Edward.

Mikhail laughed. "Why on earth would I have regard for humans? Like smelly little flies, crawling all over each other, unaware of their own frailty and filth. I rather enjoy not relying on them for my survival. You know, Mr. Cullen, you and I are very much alike deep down. We pride ourselves in our independence, in our concrete resolve when it comes to certain matters. We both dislike not being in control, having vulnerabilities that others can exploit. And we've already established exactly what your greatest vulnerability is, haven't we?" He lifted his glass in my direction, the gesture full of meaning.

Edward leaned forward, eyes deadly. "Why don't you and I take a trip out of the city limits and settle this the old fashioned way?"

"Now why on earth would I want to do that?" asked Mikhail, tittering as if Edward had told a good joke. "If you and I were to engage in combat, you would no-doubt prevail. I am no match for you physically, nor am I a match for your newborn wife's strength. But mentally ... well, let's just say I could take you both down right here at this very moment without moving a muscle."

Edward said nothing, though the look in his eyes was livid with hate. His hand tightened possessively over my own.

Mikhail turned his gaze on me again, his face full of excited delight. "You see what I mean about his blind devotion? He's jumping at the chance to tear me apart, not because I threatened him, but because I just included you in that threat. Isn't this fun? I could end him right here and now with only idle threats in my arsenal."

So that was what Mikhail was trying to do, why he'd brought us to a crowded restaurant. He was trying to bait Edward into a reaction, possibly an outright attack. I did a quick scan of the restaurant, aware that we had gained a small audience. People were staring at our table, their initial attention likely drawn by the beauty of the two vampires with me. The obvious tense exchange between Edward and Mikhail ensured that most of the humans didn't look away. A fight was brewing, and everyone seemed to know it. I sniffed the air tentatively, searching past the smell of the humans for a different scent. I had a feeling that the Volturi were watching, but I had yet to detect their presence. That didn't mean they weren't there, only that they were good at concealing themselves. This was getting dangerous. I placed my free hand over our intertwined fingers, trying to calm Edward down. It didn't work.

"I told you not to look at her," Edward bit out, straining his body forward to draw Mikhail's attention away from me. "This is between you and me."

"Do you see that look on his face, Mrs. Cullen?" asked Mikhail, his smile never faltering. "The desperation. The helplessness. The fear. Therein lies the reason I continue to seek you out. Your husband has constantly striven to outsmart me, yet he's never once succeeded. I would have left the two of you alone after delivering the Volturi's ultimatum, but you see ... I read people quite well. I knew that he would try to find a way to evade my demands, to attempt to give you a choice in the matter when there was really no choice at all. That was unwise. It ... angered me." Mikhail paused and took a slow breath through his clenched teeth. "I have to tell you, in all my many centuries, I've never been met with such insolence. My word is _law_, and those who attempt to disobey me will find themselves coming apart at the seams. I will unmake you, Mr. Cullen, and I will take everything you love in the process. _Everything_. Starting with her."

Silence fell over the table as Mikhail and Edward stared each other down. Fear coursed through me as I read the wild fury in Edward's face. His eyes were as black as pitch, like a snake about to strike.

"What would you do, Mr. Cullen?" asked Mikhail, obviously trying to push Edward over the edge of his control. "If I did to you right now what I did to you in Paris? I trust you remember the long hours of pain? Do you think you'd be able to control your screams in the middle of this restaurant? Do you think your wife would just sit there and let me torture you right in front of her? No, I think she would attack me outright if she saw that I was hurting you. The Volturi would rip her apart. And then, predictable as the dawn, you would try to stop them and thus, be killed yourself. And I would just be sitting here, smiling and pretending to sip my wine. I wouldn't have to lift so much as a finger to destroy the both of you. What reason would the Volturi have to harm me?"

Anger burned red-hot in my throat. Edward's hand was a vise on my own, and it was the only thing that kept me in my seat. I remembered what he had said before we even entered the restaurant – that we should leave if either one of us felt as though we were losing control. Surely we should be walking away now, before a real fight broke out, but Edward showed no indication that he was interested in leaving. He leaned forward, as if anticipating something. He raised his eyebrows in challenge, as if to say, "I'd like to see you try. Go right ahead."

Mikhail's smile faltered only a fraction. Then he shifted his attention to me again, likely because that seemed to anger Edward more than anything else. "Or I could go another route," he mused. "How easy it would be to tear down that little shield in your wife's brain. I've done so before, if you remember. In your own bedroom, no less. And if memory serves me right, she nearly lost control of her newborn bloodlust the second I did so. I wonder what she would do here, in this room full of human prey? I wonder how long it would take the Volturi to step in once she began to hunt? It would all end up much the same, I think. The both of you would die, and I would be an innocent bystander. You know, you really should plan your moves better, Mr. Cullen. They don't call me the Grandmaster for nothing."

Edward got to his feet, and for one terrifying moment, I thought Mikhail had finally pushed him over the edge with his threats. But Edward merely pulled me to my feet and murmured in my ear, "We're leaving. Now."

Mikhail remained seated, but his cold eyes narrowed into slits when he saw that he was losing control of his audience. "We're not done here yet. Sit down, or I'll make you sit."

He carried out the threat without a moment's hesitation. Pain encased my head on all sides, like someone had a grip on my skull and was intent on crushing it with their bare hands. No one was touching me, of course. This was all in my head, all Mikhail's doing, but there was nothing I could do to stop him from tearing my mental shield into shreds. My ears plugged up, and I slumped forward into Edward's arms as the weight of my returning memories made my knees go out from underneath me.

Once the shock of that wore off, I caught the edge of the most delicious scent in the air and nearly went mad with desire for it. Human blood. A violent thirst erupted in my throat ... and was gone before I could shove Edward's arms away and rip out the throat of the nearest human. Mikhail let my shield slip back into place in my mind, and I clung to Edward, shaking violently until the bloodlust faded and my self-control returned. I shook my head, dazed as the memories faded as well, momentarily leaving me with nothing but a blank slate until I looked into Edward's horrified eyes. Only the memories of the last few days since my awakening settled back in place. I felt sick. Shaken. Violated to the core of my being.

"There now," cooed Mikhail, still seated at the table as if nothing unpleasant had transpired between us. "All better, then? Has your bloodlust calmed, my dear? If you'd like it to stay that way, I suggest the two of you sit down. As I said before, we're not done here."

As Edward's attention turned slowly toward Mikhail, I started shaking for a different reason entirely. I could feel the anger shimmering off of Edward's body, and I took hold of his arm, silently willing him not to react with violence. We had to get out of here before someone lost control. I glanced around and saw that the entire restaurant was staring at us.

Edward kept their attention. He leveled a finger at Mikhail, and to my surprise, started shouting at him in Italian. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but the message was clear. Edward pointed at me, then again at Mikhail, his voice thick with heated accusations.

Mikhail's smirk slowly faded from his face, and a distinct note of nervousness took its place. "Are you insane?" he hissed under his breath. "The Volturi are watching us, you fool. Are you ready to die already before we've even begun to play? Stop making a show."

Edward leaned forward against the table, eyes blazing. "The show isn't for the Volturi. I just need the humans to understand why I'm about to do this, so they don't try to stop me. Who knows? They might even cheer."

And with that, Edward grabbed a fistful of Mikhail's shirt and yanked him to his feet. I gasped and backed away, allowing room for Edward to drag Mikhail past me and toward the door. To my surprise, the restaurant erupted into laughter and approving applause. A group of working class men seated at the bar raised their glasses in our direction, then moved toward the window, anxious to see the fight.

Whatever Edward had accused Mikhail of in Italian must have put the patrons of the restaurant soundly in Edward's corner. They likely thought he was defending my honor or something along those lines. Just two men arguing over a woman – human enough behavior, I supposed. But would the Volturi see it that way?

I went after them, looking over my shoulder every few seconds, thinking surely a robed figure would be lurking in the shadows, watching and waiting. Edward pulled Mikhail roughly into a dark alleyway between two restaurants, as far into the shadows as possible, away from curious human eyes. He didn't stop there. I heard the scrape of metal on concrete and realized that Edward had pulled a sewer cap to the side. With a snarl, he threw Mikhail to the ground and kicked and shoved until they both disappeared down into the sewer entrance. There was a strangled curse and a splash, followed by a chorus of inhuman snarls.

First making sure that no one was watching, I followed them down the hole, and to my disgust, found myself in ankle-deep water at the bottom. Rain water poured in from the open sewer hole above, and a fast current washed over my feet. I followed the sound of fighting further down into the sewer, cringing when I saw Edward's fist connect with Mikhail's face. Not that I minded the sight of Mikhail flailing backwards into the filthy water, his immaculate suit ruined, but the impact of vampire flesh-on-flesh sounded like a crack of thunder. Thank goodness it was raining outside; thunder was entirely unlikely tonight. Still, the Volturi still might rip us to shreds all the same.

Mikhail seemed to be thinking along the same lines as I was. "Have you completely lost hold of your senses?" he sputtered, wiping his face clean of the sewer water. "I was bluffing, you imbecile. Don't do something you're going to regret."

Edward pulled Mikhail to his feet and shoved him hard against the wall. "You attacked my wife. _My wife!_"

"I never lifted a finger against her," Mikhail gasped, trying to pry Edward's fingers from his throat.

Edward's answering smile surprised me. "That doesn't matter much. We spoke directly to the Volturi earlier this evening. Aro warned us not to throw the first punch if you confronted us. He never said we couldn't defend ourselves if you were the first to attack. Not only did you attack my wife mentally, but you just endangered the lives of dozens of humans in that restaurant when you tore down her shield. If I hadn't gotten you out of there, you would have caused Bella to lose control. Their deaths would be on your hands."

"You can't prove I attacked anyone," Mikhail growled.

Edward shook his head. "I heard her thoughts when you took down her shield. I felt exactly what you did to her, and once Aro touches either of our hands, he'll know what you did as well. How's that for proof? I should take you to Aro, myself. Let him deal with you."

A knowing smile curled across Mikhail's lips. "You won't."

Edward's expression hardened. "No, I won't."

Mikhail's laughter echoed through the sewer. "Are you going to try to tear me apart yourself, then? You know, you might have the upper hand when it comes to brute strength, but that matters little when it really comes down to it. You truly are a bigger fool than I thought you were. Ask yourself this, Mr. Cullen..." Malice glinting across his angelic features as he leaned forward, hissing the words directly into Edward's face. "_Do you really want to fuck with me?_"

Edward winced and shook his head as if he'd heard some sort of high pitched noise – though I hadn't heard anything except our ragged breathing and the sound of the current washing over our feet. Then he winced again – violently this time – and his grip on Mikhail faltered. Edward cried out and gripped the sides of his head like he was in absolute agony. I gasped, eyes wide as I stared at him in horror. What was wrong with him?

Mikhail was still laughing as he shoved Edward backwards. He landed in the water, his hands clamped over his ears as he writhed in pain. It was obvious that he was unable to get up, held down by some unseen force that was hurting him.

I glared at Mikhail, charging forward accusingly. "It's you ... whatever you're doing to him, stop it!"

Mikhail skipped backwards, away from me, and bowed with a flourish. "Oh, didn't he tell you? I'm sure you're aware that Edward's gift enables him to keep most of the voices in his head at a low hum until he decides to listen in. Listening to everything at once would surely drive the poor boy insane. My gift enables me to manipulate his gift. Let's just say I turned up the volume in his head a bit."

Behind us, Edward started to scream.

Blinded by fury, I crouched low to the ground and launched myself at him like a cat, ready to tear him apart with my bare hands – and then suddenly, I was on the ground, too. I choked on water, gripping my head as I felt the increasingly familiar crush of memories flooding back to me. Mikhail was doing it again, manipulating my shield. It wasn't any easier the third time around, and he seemed to know it. Debilitating was an understatement. He gave me a second to find my bearings under the weight of memories before he let the shield slam back in place, which was just as painful and disorienting as tearing it down.

And then he did it all over again.

I was in agony, unable to find my footing in my own mind, barely able to remember who I was for more than a second or two before he started the cycle all over again. I stayed on the ground, gasping, completely dazed, unable to move.

Mikhail leaned over me, and I stared up at him in horror, realizing how truly helpless I was. "Pitiful, really. The both of you, conquered by your own gifts. I did try to warn you, but I suppose that's in the past now. You've forced my hand. Now that I have you both exactly where I want you, whatever am I going to do with you?"

***

To be continued.

**Author's Notes**: One chapter plus an epilogue to go. I have to tell you how much I enjoy writing Mikhail. Sorry, but evil characters are just plain fun. Especially when they're pretty. ;)

Also, I'm counting this chapter as a personal milestone. Finishing this chapter pushes my total Twilight fanfiction word count past 100,000 words, all written in less than five months. *pats self on the back*

Hope you enjoyed. Cheers! -Coquette


	9. Chapter 10

**Summary:** Disoriented after her transformation into a vampire, Bella struggles with amnesia. As she learns to control her new powers and abilities, she must also come to terms with what she is ... and with the vampire she doesn't remember marrying. Bella/Edward.

**Author's Note**: I apologize for the hiatus. I've been writing an original novel, and I hope you can forgive my neglect on the _Twilight_ front. Thank you for your patience and sweet words of encouragement.

_Citizen Erased_ is now complete. The final chapter and epilogue will be posted today and tomorrow respectively. No waiting! :)

Let's get to it then.

***

Previously...

_Behind us, Edward started to scream._

_Blinded by fury, I crouched low to the ground and launched myself at Mikhail like a cat, ready to tear him apart with my bare hands – and then suddenly, I was on the ground, too. I choked on water, gripping my head as I felt the increasingly familiar crush of memories flooding back to me. Mikhail was doing it again, manipulating my shield. It wasn't any easier the third time around, and he seemed to know it. Debilitating was an understatement. He gave me a second to find my bearings under the weight of memories before he let the shield slam back in place, which was just as painful and disorienting as tearing it down._

_And then he did it all over again._

_I was in agony, unable to find my footing in my own mind, barely able to remember who I was for more than a second or two before he started the cycle all over again. I stayed on the ground, gasping, completely dazed, unable to move._

_Mikhail leaned over me, and I stared up at him in horror, realizing how truly helpless I was. "Pitiful, really. The both of you, conquered by your own gifts. I did try to warn you, but I suppose that's in the past now. You've forced my hand. Now that I have you both exactly where I want you, whatever am I going to do with you?"_

***

**Citizen Erased  
**Written by Coquette

Chapter Ten

I was in agony.

What Mikhail did to me couldn't be put into words. No amount of description could ever fully explain the terror I felt at his hands.

The constant shift in my brain – on and off, back and forth, again and again – kept me off-balance and unable to defend myself. I lost strength fast. Though he never physically touched me, I could feel Mikhail inside my head, pressing in close enough for me to taste. It was more invasive than rape.

Slowly but surely, I felt as though I was going mad.

Edward writhed on the floor in pain, gritting his teeth against another scream. He was in no condition to help me. Both of his hands were pressed over his ears as he tried to block out the deafening onslaught of sound. His efforts were in vain; the sound was all in his head.

"You're handling it better than you did in Paris," Mikhail said, kicking dirty water in Edward's face. "Perhaps I'm going too easy on you."

Shock registered on Edward's features – and then he started to scream in earnest.

Mikhail's teeth glinted, a triumphant grin. I forgot my own pain and stared at Edward in alarm. His screams went on and on until my ears and teeth rang with it. Something broke inside me at the sound of it, and my eyes turned toward Mikhail like a missile locking onto its target.

Mikhail was going to die. I didn't know how, but I was going to kill him. Not for anything he'd done to me, but for the pain he'd caused Edward. I forgot about everything Aro had warned us about. I forgot about the Volturi, about their rules and threats. I saw only Mikhail ... and my husband writhing in pain at his feet.

I struggled to stand, fingers clenched in expectation – but at that moment, Mikhail stole my memories again. I wavered in place, unable to remember what I was doing until he slammed the memories back in my head. I reeled from the weight of the attack but somehow managed to stay standing. I was getting stronger, more resilient. Edward's pain gave me strength.

Mikhail continued to toy with my mental shield, flipping it on and off like a light-switch – but instead of exhausting myself further by resisting it, I let my mind relax and focused in on what he was doing. I could almost see it – the little switch in my mind. It was more of a gate, really, meant to protect me. But what if I could learn to control it the same way Mikhail did?

My memories tried to leak away again, but this time, I wouldn't let them. I took hold of the shield and forced it wide open. And miracle of miracles – it stayed that way.

My memories lingered, fresh in my mind like they'd always been there. That was good – it made the rage easier. I wasn't the Bella that had merely read in a journal about that terrifying night in Paris, when Mikhail had taken Edward away from me. I was the Bella that had lived through it.

Aware that I had slipped from his control, Mikhail's head slowly shifted in my direction. His focus fell away from Edward for a moment, and the screams lessened. Soon Edward fell silent, still as death. I'd seen him like that once before, and I was never going to let Mikhail hurt him that way again.

I had Mikhail's full attention now. I could almost feel his perverse hands slipping inside of my mind, trying to force me back into submission. Using every bit of my anger and strength, I shoved him out of my brain, and he stumbled backwards as if he'd been struck.

I took a step toward him and had the satisfaction of seeing pure fear twist his angelic face. His fear wasn't unfounded – I had lost every shred of inhibition when I opened up my shield. My newborn bloodlust overtook me, nothing left to put it in check. I felt wild, feral. I wanted to kill, to rip and tear, and my eyes were locked on him alone.

Vibrating with anger, I crouched to the ground. Water radiated out around me in little circles.

Mikhail swallowed. "Well, there's something you don't see every day. I don't suppose we could talk about-"

I struck, faster than a snake, and had my hands around his throat before he could finish his sentence. I squeezed until his eyes started to bulge – then lifted him off of his feet and threw him over my head, straight into the cement wall behind me.

He left a satisfying indentation in the wall, and the monster inside of me snarled its pleasure. Mentally, I stepped aside and let that monster to as it pleased. I don't remember much of the next thirty seconds or so, but I'm pretty sure it was spent ripping Mikhail to shreds. I tried not to look, but I knew deep down exactly what I was allowing the monster to do through me. And I approved.

Things grew quiet eventually – except for the rain outside and the voices of people on the streets above. The bloodlust inside of me lurched eagerly and hammered in my chest like an angry heartbeat. I panted and fought against it. Mikhail was dead, the battle over and done with ... yet I couldn't calm down. The sweet scent of the humans set my throat on fire.

"Bella..."

I opened my eyes to see Edward standing before me, his eyes dazed and frightened as he stared at me. He looked ill, weakened to the point of absolute exhaustion. There was no way he would be able to physically restrain me if I began to hunt. I wasn't sure I wanted him to try.

"Fight it, Bella," he said, taking a cautious step toward me. "Don't let the bloodlust rule you. You're stronger than that."

The monster inside urged me to run away from him, but I stood fast, frozen in place under his stare. "I don't know if I can," I whispered, the pieces of my first victim scattered all around me.

"Let it fall back into place," Edward urged. "Your shield. Put it back where it was."

"How did you know that I lifted the shield away?"

He was in front of me now, his hands raised like he was approaching a skittish animal. "I can read your mind, sweetheart. Just let it go. It's not worth it."

Moving slowly, he put his arms around me and drew me against him. He was shaking just as much as I was. I gave into him and let my eyes drift shut.

"You remember how to do it, don't you?" he whispered, his cheek pressed against my hair. "I know you do. Find the shield in your mind again and ease it down. Close it, Bella. You have to."

"But I'll lose my memories again."

"Then you lose them. Do it now, Bella. I'm not strong enough to hold you back if you run. The Volturi are here."

My limbs went numb with fear. I couldn't see who Edward was talking about, but I could feel them now. We weren't alone. I pressed my face into Edward's chest, feeling panic rise like bile in my throat. They were going to kill me. I had done exactly what Aro had ordered me not to do. Knowing Edward, he would follow me into death soon after I met with it myself.

Edward shook me gently. "Don't think about that – just put the shield down. Relax your mind the way it was before."

If he hadn't reminded me how to do it, I never would have managed it. Shutting out any thoughts of the Volturi, I clung to Edward until he gasped. I took me longer than the first time, but I finally eased the shield back into place. My memories disappeared, leaving me dazed, unaware of where I was for several moments. My arms fell away from Edward as my body went lax, the bloodlust silenced.

Edward held me tight against him, and he sighed into my hair. It was an unhappy sound. I knew he couldn't hear my thoughts anymore. The shield had locked him out again.

Aro stepped from the shadows, clapping out a slow, almost sardonic round of applause. "Outstanding control."

Marcus and Caius followed him into the light. As far as I could tell, only the three of them had come. I found no comfort in that realization. They were the three I was most afraid of.

"How long have they been there?" I whispered to Edward, not caring one bit if they heard me. "How much did they see?"

Aro's smile bordered on terrifying. "We witnessed the Großmeister's death at your hands – if that is what you are asking."

"The law claims her," said Caius. "Shall we do it here, Aro, or bring her somewhere more secluded?"

Edward went rigid, the whites of his eyes bright with fury. "We were attacked. Forced to defend ourselves. Surely you saw that?"

"Attacked?" Caius mused. "I never once saw him touch either of you. In fact, I believe it was you, Edward, that struck first. You are just as guilty as your wife."

"His was a mental assault," Edward growled. "He nearly set Bella loose on a crowd of humans. He tore down her defenses. It would have been a bloodbath up there."

Marcus cleared his throat and spoke in a dull tone. "If his words are true, perhaps it should be taken into account that the Großmeister broke the law first. He put humans in danger and risked exposing us all. Seen in that light, they were merely acting on our behalf."

"If," Caius interjected, "it can indeed be proved that the Großmeister attacked them first."

Aro's eyes flickered to me. "I could get the answer just by touching her hand, if the attack was truly in her mind."

I stretched my arm out to comply, anxious to prove our innocence, but Edward pushed it down gently. He held out his hand instead. "See for yourself. The proof is here."

Aro stepped forward eagerly. "But I thought the attack was on Bella – not you, Edward – and you cannot read her mind. What proof could you possibly have?"

Aro fell silent as he accepted Edward's hand, then he sighed happily. "Ah yes, I see it now. When her shield dropped, you were able to read her mind. I can see the Großmeister's attack on her very clearly. What a remarkable gift. I can see her struggle, and – oh, my. I can also see the moment the Großmeister allowed you to read his mind, Edward." Aro released Edward's hand and stepped back. "I understand now why you reacted the way you did. He really did plan to expose us all. It wouldn't have stopped, even after he killed the two of you. All part of his game. Yes, powerful minds such as his are best silenced. You did well, Edward. And you, Bella."

Caius exhaled, deflating almost imperceptibly. Edward didn't relax, however. I could feel his tension, and it fed my own. He could hear something in Aro's thoughts, I realized. Something he didn't like. The battle wasn't won yet.

Aro's smile tightened. "Still, the two of you created quite a disruption in our city. Screams, thundering blows, not to mention the display you made in front of the restaurant above. Unacceptable, regardless of your reasons. It will be quite a feat to wipe out all traces of the fight. But never let it be said that I am not kind, dear ones. We will spare your lives – conditionally."

I heard Edward's teeth start to grind.

"One favor you will owe the Volturi," Aro decreed. "One favor _each_."

My eyes darted to Edward's face, which was hard and impassive with anger, then back to Aro's unwavering smile. "What kind of favor?" I asked. "What do we have to do?"

Aro leaned forward. "Why – anything we ask of you, my dear."

"Do we have any other choice?" I gasped.

"Of course you do," Aro laughed. "But I wouldn't think you so eager to die, sweet Isabella. You are little more than a child, after all. Think of the long years you could live alongside your beloved if you comply."

"I'll agree to your terms," Edward said through his teeth. "On one condition. Put me in your debt, but not Bella. If we each owe you a favor, then I'll owe you two and Bella none."

Aro's eyes were on me when he replied. "I'm far too interested in your wife's talents to accept that offer. I want to know if-"

"Three favors, then," said Edward, cutting him off. "Three favors from me – not her."

"Edward, stop it," I hissed. "You're making it worse. There's no way I'm going to let you do that."

Edward's hand tightened on mine, willing me to be quiet. I glared at him but kept my mouth shut. There was something in his face that silenced my protests. Edward knew something I didn't – perhaps something he had heard in Aro's thoughts. Edward's chin rose to a defiant angle, but there was fear in his eyes.

Aro deliberated in silence for a long time – then he laughed merrily. "Let those here pay witness to young Edward's oath. Three favors, it is."

"And none for Bella," pressed Edward.

Aro exhaled sharply. "You are very tiresome tonight. I've never seen such a one-track mind in my life. Yes, you've won your wife's freedom and given up your own. I suppose that pleases you?"

Edward finally relaxed, like a physical weight had been removed from his shoulders. "It's enough."

"Edward," I said, gripping the sleeve of his jacket. "What are you doing? Don't I get a say in this?"

He didn't answer my questions. He looked resigned, weary, older. My mind shifted into overdrive, and I tried to think of what Aro could possibly want so badly from Edward. Then I gasped and stared at Aro, horror-struck.

We were in trouble.

***

To be concluded.

**Author's Note**: The epilogue is complete. I will post it tomorrow. Be advised, however, the rating of this story is about to change from PG-13 to NC-17. Those of you who have rating restrictions set on your ff-dot-net account or livejournal account might not see when this story is updated. If you're of age and you would like to read the conclusion, make sure you sign up for story updates (ff-dot-net) or watch my livejournal feed (username: coquette7). For you livejournal users, I always reply comments when the story is updated so that you're aware a new chapter has been posted.

See you tomorrow! :)


	10. Epilogue

**Author's Note**: I received a few comments that expressed concern that I wouldn't be able to tie up all the plotlines in a single chapter. That was intentional. Sequel anyone? This story is about Bella's transition into her new life and the struggle against Mikhail. Once those storylines are resolved, the story has to end. But Edward and Bella wouldn't be Edward and Bella if a new struggle didn't appear on the horizon.

Doesn't mean they can't have a happy ending. And I freaking love happy endings. ;)

Rated NC-17 for sexual content.

***

**Citizen Erased  
**Written by Coquette

Epilogue

After the pieces of Mikhail's body were gathered together and burned, the Volturi let us go – at least for the time being. Aro told us he would contact Edward when the time came to cash in on his debt, reminding us that the Volturi could find us anywhere we went.

On that cheery note, we ran.

Hand in hand, Edward and I hurried back to the hotel, cleaned up, and left. We didn't speak, nor did we exchange any looks of relief when we passed through the city gates. There was no relief to be had. I felt as though we couldn't move fast enough.

In the car, I squeezed Edward's hand, grateful beyond words to still have him with me. I had braced myself to lose him to the Volturi tonight. "Aro's going to make you join them, isn't he?" I asked once we'd put several miles between us and the city. "That's what he was after. I knew it as soon as I saw that greedy look in his eyes."

"Aro can force me to join the Volturi," said Edward in a weary voice, "but he can't make me stay forever. He asked for favors, not a life of servitude. No, Aro's not going to do anything without thinking it through fully, so he can be certain I don't have any other way out. We have a little time. I'll think of something in the meantime. Try not to worry."

We fell into a troubled silence, listening to the raindrops hit the windshield. The more miles we left behind us, the angrier I became. The entire situation was infuriating. I was angry with Mikhail for his stupid games, angry with Aro for flipping that game around on us to his own advantage, angry with Edward for not letting me share in his debt. Most of all, I was angry with myself for being so weak. Sure, I had been the one that had killed Mikhail in the end, but that momentary lack of control had brought the Volturi down on us. In the end, Aro had proved to be the true Grandmaster – not Mikhail.

It was up to me to make this right. And I would.

"You know what?" I said, jaw hard with defiance. "You're right. I'm not going to worry. Not one little bit. I'm sick of feeling like this, Edward – out of control of my own life. I'm not going to put up with feeling helpless anymore. We've never had a chance to stop and be happy, and if we don't put our foot down at some point, we never will. If Aro wants a fight, he's going to get one. He's messed with the wrong vampire's wife."

Edward's face was grim, his voice listless. "You're frightened. You have no idea what you're saying."

I barely heard him, already laying out a plan in my head. "The first thing I have to do is get back to normal. I have to get my memories back and keep them in my head. I don't want to feel like a puzzle missing some of its pieces anymore. I do owe Mikhail one thing. If it weren't for his particular gift, I never would have figured out about the shield in my head at all. He helped me learn to control it. If I could just remember how to do it, I know I could do more than just turn it off and on."

Edward stirred a little from his solemn mood. "That would be a comfort. Don't strain so much. You can only work the shield when you're relaxed." He looked over at me then, concern mirrored in his eyes. "Are you absolutely sure you want to do this right now? You don't have to change anything, Bella. You're fine the way you are. You know how I feel about that."

"They're my memories, Edward. They're part of me, and I want them back." I sat back in my seat with a huff, shaking my head in frustration as I stared out of the window. "I wonder why they were trapped beneath the shield in the first place? Did I put them there somehow? Why would I do that to myself? It doesn't make any sense."

"It makes perfect sense," said Edward. "Before you changed into a vampire, you were so afraid of forgetting us – of losing who you were as a human and what we had as a couple. You wrote those journals in a frenzy. You didn't want to forget a single thing."

I thought about what he was saying, then nodded in agreement once I caught his meaning. "I think I get it. I wanted my human experiences kept safe, so my mind locked up my memories to safeguard them. Stupid mind. Well ... if I really did do this to myself, then it's up to me to put things right again. I'm not going to give up until I do."

"I believe you," said Edward. "But don't hurt yourself. I've seen more of that tonight to last me a lifetime."

***

It was exhausting work – not to mention dangerous.

Every time I let the shield fall away, the bloodlust returned. Edward held my hand tightly, ready to grab me if he had to. But since there were few humans around on the dark road, I had an easier time controlling myself than I had in Volterra. It would have been impossible to try anywhere near the scent of blood. Luckily, by the time we closed in on the Florence city lines, I was close to mastering control over my gift.

My memories returned again, and they hummed in my mind, radiating warmth like old friends. I sighed happily under the pleasant weight of them. Edward could hear my thoughts with the shield lifted, and he whispered words of comfort and encouragement to me, responding to my thoughts as if I were speaking them out loud. It was the strangest conversation I'd ever had.

Clenching my teeth, I mentally grabbed hold of the shield and manipulated it until it did what I wanted it to. I made sure my memories were free, and then I let the shield close over the rest. The bloodlust fell into blessed silence.

I opened my eyes, whole again, and smiled in triumph. "It's funny, though. I don't feel as different as I expected to. The lines got so blurred toward the end. With or without the memories, I just feel like ... me."

A small smile appeared on Edward's face. "Told you so."

I let him gloat. Edward had been right about who I was inside the entire time. I wasn't suddenly another person once the memories settled back into place. I was still Bella. I always had been. I had just gotten all turned around inside, like someone had spun me in circles until I lost my bearings.

Even the cold, clinic nature I had first awoken with as a vampire made some sense. Without any memory of what it was like to be a human, I had become a vampire with few human traits. Edward and his family had been the ones to reintroduce me to humanity. In a way, Edward had loved me back into my own head.

My own love for him suddenly choked me. Poor Edward – he had suffered since the moment he'd turned me, and he was still suffering. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to touch him and let him know that his wife was here. I wanted him to know how deeply I cherished him. My eyes flickered to his face, fixated, hyperaware of his body close to mine. It had been too long.

"Edward? Pull the car over."

***

We somehow crossed those last few miles into Florence without crashing. Even with Edward's mind-reading abilities and enhanced senses, it took all of his skill to get us there without taking out any innocent bystanders.

Admittedly, that was my fault. Not that it stopped me.

I was straddled backwards in his lap, jammed into the space between his body and the steering wheel. My fingers pulled at his hair, lips hard against his. My wriggling hips accidentally shifted the car into neutral.

Edward swore and grasped at the gear shift knob. "Damn it, Bella. I can't see."

"I want you," I gasped, trying to tug his shirt out of his jeans. My elbow hit the steering wheel, and the horn blared out into the stormy night. "Why haven't you pulled over yet? Do you need me to draw you a picture? _Sex, Edward_."

I pulled him to my mouth again, eyes drifting shut as I sucked on his lower lip. The car lurched to the right, but I'm not sure he noticed. I moved my mouth along his jaw, leaving kisses in a searing trail up to his earlobe.

Edward's reply was strained. "Too close – oh, God, I love it when you do that – to the city. People. Police. Jail."

I darted my tongue inside his ear, and we hit a road sign a second later. It wasn't in English, so I didn't feel too bad about it.

Edward cursed again. "We've got to get off the road."

I turned my head to peer out of the rain-dappled window. "Hotel. There. Now."

***

We had to run in the downpour to get to the hotel lobby. I didn't mind. The rain fell fresh and cold on my cheeks. Though it might have made me wish for the dry warmth of Phoenix when I was human, the cold didn't bother me now. I couldn't stop smiling.

Edward stared at me, obviously puzzled by my mood. Despite our amorous encounter in the car, his eyes remained haunted, the set of his shoulders tense. "Are you ... laughing?" he asked. "We just barely escaped Volterra with our lives. What could possibly be funny after that?"

I met his gaze, eyes bright. "I'd rather be happy with you tonight than worry about tomorrow. Please, Edward. Let it go for now."

Edward sighed unhappily, and then he stopped jogging altogether. Since my hand was enclosed in his, I stopped, too. I stared up at him curiously, wondering why he had stopped us in a downpour, but my eyes lingered on his face for different reasons. He was so beautiful, standing there with raindrops dripping from his chin, his shirt made sheer beneath his jacket. I could hardly believe he was mine.

His face had become softer. Thoughtful, more open. I knew he was trying to do as I asked and let it all go for tonight. I didn't resist as he pulled me toward him and wrapped me up into a tight embrace.

"You're right," he whispered. "We made it out of there in one piece, and I have my girl in my arms. My beautiful Bella. I'm so thankful for every second I have with you. Nothing else matters tonight except for the fact that you're safe. Not even Aro can get to you now."

His words were comforting to him but troubling to me. A tightness formed in my chest, and I clung to him tighter to shake the feeling away. Yes, I was safe, but Edward wasn't. My confidence wavered as panic took hold of me again, and I pressed my face into Edward's chest to hide from it. What if I lost him?

Edward sensed the change in my mood. He pulled back and tilted my chin up to inspect my face. "Hey, what's wrong? You were fine a second ago. You were the one telling me to let it go, remember?"

I tried to smile, very glad at that moment that I was no longer capable of tears. "I think we're going to have to take turns, reminding each other of that. Deal?"

Edward looked apologetic. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I brought your mood down with mine own, didn't I? I don't mean to worry so, but you know I can't help it sometimes. Now let's get you inside. You're all wet." He nipped at my earlobe, drawing out a tiny giggle from me. "I'm afraid these clothes are going to have to come off."

Edward was at his sweetest as he guided me toward the main lobby – hands running up and down the sides of my waist, his lips leaving trails of lightning on my neck. I got a bit dizzy from it, and the lust combined with the lingering panic made my ears start to ring. I wanted to be in the damn room already. I needed him to crush me with his body until we were melded together. Inseparable.

Edward, on the other hand, was in an entirely different mood. He took his time as he spoke to the hotel concierge. He smiled at me lovingly, eyes locked with mine as he brought my hand to his lips.

He wanted romance.

I wanted to rip his clothes off.

I could already sense that this was going to be a problem.

If the concierge had any issues with our disheveled appearance, he didn't mention it. Edward paid in cash, and his generous tip ensured we wouldn't be disturbed.

Once we were safely out of sight, Edward carried me to the elevator — my arms around his neck, our chests pressed together. He kissed me slowly as we ascended to our floor, and his hands worried at the fabric of my clothes.

His ministrations felt good, just like they always did – but I needed more than achingly slow caresses. Edward was still handling me like I was human, made of paper-thin glass. I pulled him hard against me, trying to remind him that I wasn't as breakable as I once had been. He groaned and the kiss deepened, but his fingers still flittered over my skin, soft as down feathers.

The elevator doors opened, and we parted long enough to find our room. But as soon as the door closed behind us, my feet left the ground. Edward picked me up and pressed me into the wall with his body. I hugged him and breathed in his familiar scent. Not even the rain could wash away his smell, his taste. He was too perfect.

We kissed hungrily – but still, he held back. I put my hands on either side of his face and pulled away so that I could look at him. I saw it in his eyes – the wariness, the iron-clad restrain he'd perfected over the years. "Let go," I whispered, resting my forehead against his. "It's okay."

"I'm trying." His hand inched up my shirt and found the bare skin of my waist. I inhaled sharply as his questing fingers moved to trace my ribcage, just under my breasts. A hint of a smile tipped the corners of his mouth. "This helps." He lowered his mouth to my neck, barely touching the skin there with his velvet lips. "And this."

He took his time as he started on the buttons of my shirt, and he hadn't even gotten to the second one before I wanted to scream with frustration. I didn't need foreplay tonight. I was already wild with desperation. I needed him to hold me tighter, to throw me on the bed and drive into me. I was restless in his arms, unable to stay still.

"Edward, _please_."

He misinterpreted my tension, and his gentle touch became even gentler. His palm smoothed over my bottom. "Shhh, I would never hurt you."

"Hurt me?" I gasped. "If anyone needs to worry about holding back strength, it's me, not you."

He drew back, eyes suspicious. "Are you trying to tell me I'm not rough enough for you?"

That did it. I kicked my feet like a child that wanted to be lowered to the ground. When he set me down, I gripped his shoulders and pushed him backwards until he hit the opposite wall. I wasn't gentle about it.

His eyes turned dark with lust as he caught onto my mood. "Bella..." he breathed.

We fell on each other with renewed passion, and for the first time, neither of us held anything back. It had never been like that between us. Edward abandoned his fear of hurting me, and I had abandoned any inhibitions caused by my memory loss. We were both free. Husband and wife, joined as equals at last.

Our hands were everywhere, mouth bruising mouth, the sound of ripping fabric cutting the air. And still it wasn't enough. I needed him inside of me. I wanted to possess him and be possessed by him.

His jacket made a wet sound when it hit the floor, and his ripped shirt followed it a moment later. My fingers raked his bare back, and I reveled in the feel of his corded muscles. "That's more like it," I said.

Edward turned us around and pressed my back against the wall again. He pushed my partially-unbuttoned shirt and bra up, not having the patience to remove them fully. He bent his head to my breast, and when he took my nipple into his mouth, my body seized up in pleasure the way it did when an orgasm took me. I was denied any such release, however, and the sudden ascent left me dazed.

Edward chuckled as I reeled. He guided my arms upward and pulled my shirt and bra over my head. "Want me to slow down?" he teased. "Was that too much for you to handle?"

My eyes finally focused on his face, and I took his words as a challenge. I could feel his hardness against my stomach, the way his jeans strained tight against his erection. I put a hand between us and squeezed. Caught off guard, Edward leaned against me and muffled a curse into my shoulder. It was the sexiest sound I had ever heard. I wanted to hear him make it again and again.

I worked at his zipper, accidentally pulling off the top button of his jeans in my haste. I dropped to my knees in front of him, surprising us both. Edward said my name as if to discourage me, but broke off short because I had him in my hand again. His skin was powder soft there, a clear contrast to the pulsing hardness within. I measured the length of him with my eyes, then took him in my mouth.

It was something I had never done before. I was too shy as a human – too full of inhibitions and insecurities to even consider it. And if Edward had ever desired it, he was too much of a gentleman to ask. I didn't know what I was doing, but it didn't seem to matter. Edward went incoherent the moment my mouth closed over him.

_I win_, I thought smugly.

I was surprised to find that I liked pleasuring him that way. He tasted good, like clean skin and just a hint of something else. I had thought oral sex was all about your partner's satisfaction, but it was more than that. Seeing Edward so overcome, so completely at my mercy, was a huge turn-on.

I sucked him hard and found myself gasping and moaning at the same time he did. I couldn't fit much of him in my mouth, so I gripped the base of his shaft with my hand to make up for it. He seemed to like that, but then again, he seemed to like everything. I went with it.

He started to pant after a few minutes. His hands moved from my hair to my face to my shoulders as if he didn't know what to do with himself. "Too much. Bella, I can't..."

I didn't listen, of course. But I did pull my mouth away just before he came, still held in the tight grasp of my hand. I stared at his face as the orgasm took hold of him, marveling at the vulnerable angle of his neck and jaw line, the way his belly rose and fell with unneeded but urgent breaths. He was beyond beautiful.

His erection softened only a little, still wet in my hand as he dropped to his knees in front of me. I pulled and tugged at him gently, kissing his forehead and eyelids as he calmed. All of the tension leaked had out of him. Apparently, I wasn't the only one that had needed a release.

Giving him that moment of release so soon in our unspoken game proved to be a mistake. When his eyes opened, they burned into my own, fixed on me with unmistakable intent. I had awoken something inside of him, and he wasn't at my mercy anymore. I was at his.

His voice was quiet but commanding, smooth as satin sheets.

"Get on the bed."

My eyes widened. It wasn't a request. It was fact. If I didn't get up and move, he was going to do the moving for me. Obediently, I got to my feet, though my legs were jelly beneath me. I couldn't see him once I turned toward the bed, but I could feel him – his burning presence like a physical weight pressing against me. My knees hit the bed, and I crawled on top of the comforter.

I turned and met his gaze nervously. Hadn't I been the one who wanted to play it rough? I was suddenly humming with tension. Absolutely terrified. And very, very excited.

Edward was calm, unhurried, but there was no doubt in my mind that I was in trouble. He moved toward me slowly, each footstep making me tremble just a bit more.

He moved over me, leaning down close, his face mere inches from my own.

"Jeans."

I didn't need a verb to catch his meaning. Gulping, I fumbled with the button on my jeans. I was clumsy again, but I managed to strip them off eventually, still trembling beneath the heat of his stare. I left my panties on, a small act of defiance on my part. After all, he still had his jeans on, though the fly was open. I looked up at him to see what he thought about my insubordination.

Lightning fast, he struck. I'm not even sure what happened to the panties, but they were suddenly in his hand, ripped beyond repair. Tossing them aside, he pinned both my wrists in one hand and pressed them into the mattress over my head. I wriggled and squirmed, but I didn't really try to get away. My head was in the game again as soon as he touched me. I loved feeling him strain against me, loved testing his strength.

He waited until I stopped fighting it, and then he put the fingers of his free hand into my mouth, his eyelids heavy as he watched me suck on them. When he was satisfied, his fingers slid from my mouth and moved between my legs. I tensed, waiting for the moment of penetration. It didn't come. Rather, Edward ran his wet fingers up and down my slit and watched intently to see how I would react.

I cried out and bucked, which seemed to please him immensely. He moved between my thighs, forcing them to open wider. His fingers never stilled. Once I caught onto his rhythm, I tried to angle my hips so that his fingers would slide inside of me. God, I wanted him inside of me. But he always pulled away before I could manage it.

Just when I thought I couldn't stand anymore, he released my wrists and slid his hands under me. He lowered his face between my legs, and I sighed as I felt the flat of his tongue against me. Moments of pure heaven followed. I opened my eyes so that I could see him down there, his damp hair like burnished copper against my skin, his tongue pink and soft against me. It was sexy as hell. While I was still trying to get used to the sight of him down there, Edward moved again.

He sat up on his knees, and suddenly my back wasn't touching the bed anymore. Edward gripped me by the hips, holding my lower body up off the bed with ease. My head was still on the mattress, my neck bent at a funny angle. That was the least of my problems.

Though we had shifted, Edward's tongue was still insistent upon me – probing, lapping, tasting all of me. I bit my lip and strained against the pleasure – needing more, needing less – but he gripped my hips tighter and wouldn't let me move. Then he shifted our position again.

I cried out both in relief and protest when he pulled his tongue away from me. Then I squealed as he flipped me over onto my hands and knees. I heard the sound of rustling fabric, felt his hands take hold of my hips. Then he pushed inside me from behind in one fluid movement.

My vision slid out of focus. He hadn't prepared me for penetration, hadn't stretched me first with his fingers or eased his length inside of me the way he had before. He didn't need to. I was more than ready. When he started to move, my elbows bent and collapsed. I rested my upper body on the bed and gave up the last shred of control to him.

He took it and owned me. Game over.

It was fast, dirty, and exactly what I needed. He pounded into me hard, skin slapping skin. It burned, stretched me wide, but he never once hurt me. Somehow aware of my limits, he took me to the place where pain met pleasure and left me screaming for more.

Soon I found myself bouncing backwards to meet his thrusts, shifting my pelvis until I could feel him hit a certain sweet spot inside of me. My eyes got wider every time he struck it. I thought for a moment that I was having an orgasm, but it only grew and grew, refusing to crest. I cried out Edward's name, begging, pleading with him, but he only drove into me harder. Eventually, even my knees went out from under me.

I screamed Edward's name when I finally came. Clutched at the sheets until they tore. Edward gasped as I bore down on his length, but he never stopped moving. The climax went on and on – until finally, I melted into the sheets, wrung completely dry.

"Beautiful," Edward whispered, caressing my bottom lovingly. He stilled his movements inside of me at last. He pulled out and let my lower body collapse to the bed along with the rest of me. I was a puddle before him – limp and useless and completely satiated. His hands were gentle as they flipped me over onto my back.

I whimpered quietly, realizing he was still hard. His body moved over me, narrow hips settling between my thighs until he was aligned perfectly with me. He kissed me slowly, like I was something precious to him, and gave me the time I needed to recover.

Edward's evil twin was gone, and sweet Edward had returned. This time, I welcomed him gratefully.

"Now then,"' he whispered, his breath stirring my hair. "If you're quite satisfied, let's take it slow this time. I want to make love to my wife."

Without urgency, he pressed inside of me again, letting me get used to every inch before he pushed further. My entrance stretched and protested, sore from our first bout. But Edward soon set a pace that made me forget about any pain. Slow, deep strokes that left me breathless. I was soon lost again.

After that first powerful climax, my body could only hum with pleasure. I was unable to descent from the heights I'd been brought, and I thought I was unable to go any higher than I already had.

I was wrong about that.

He took me past that threshold of pleasure patiently – nothing urgent or desperate about it this time. We were safe, hidden in our own little cocoon from the rest of the world. And as I spiraled up and down, he was always there to catch me. We made love for hours like that, until the last shreds of tension finally fell away from us both.

Then we rested.

***

"I think you're right," he told me later, as we cuddled and watched through the window as the sun peaked out from behind the rainclouds. "I think everything is going to work out somehow. Maybe I'm just kidding myself, but it's hard to be pessimistic when you're with me."

I pressed my face into the crook of his neck, breathing deeply of his scent. "Aro will be plotting."

"I think he already is," said Edward. "I don't know if you noticed, but Alice called my cell phone quite a few times while we were, uh ... busy. I'm pretty sure she saw something in our future."

That got my attention, and I sat up on one elbow to stare at him. "Why didn't you answer it? I would have understood, busy or not. Well, except for maybe that first time. I mean, what if it was something really important?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't care what she saw. I'm fed up, Bella – just as you were last night in the car. I'm tired of never being allowed to be happy with you. First James and Victoria, then Mikhail and the Volturi. Now I finally have you in my arms, and you're all in one piece. Favors or not, I'll be damned if I'm going to let that spider, Aro, mess with our happiness now."

The conviction in his voice made hope stir inside of me. "I love you, Edward," I whispered, reaching out to brush his hair from his eyes. "I loved you even when I didn't know you, even when I didn't know who I was. If Aro thinks I'm going to let you go quietly, he has another thing coming to him."

A real smile touched Edward's face, all the way up to his eyes. It was something I hadn't seen since I'd changed, and it was beautiful. He pulled me back down on the bed beside him, my face enclosed in his hands, and whispered something to me. My name, I think.

There was no more talking after that.

***

The end.

**Author's Note**: As I mentioned up above, there is obviously room in there for a sequel. I hope you enjoyed this story.

If you have a moment, I'd love to know what you thought. I don't like to ask for comments, so never feel pressured to give one. I write because I have to. It's just who I am.

Love you guys! :)

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